I'm 15 and may of 2007 I was raped by an older man. I pressed charges and he's in jail now. I had a real struggle getting over it and I'm not 100% okay but I'm starting to go out with my friends again and I'm able to have a good night sleep.But I'm in a relationship with this guy who really wants to have sex. When we were makingout once he started going for it and I started hysterical crying, he backed off and tried to comfort me but he doesn't know what happened in may. As far as he's concerned I'm a virgin still. Now I've been having terrible nightmares again and ill wake up in a deep sweat either crying or screaming. I don't know if I should tell him the truth why I can't have sex or if I should breakup with him cause ill never be able to go past makingout..

NO.. definitely don't have sex with him.. its obvious you aren't ready. You're a young girl and you have your whole life to have sex with someone who is extremely important to you once you are prepared.
You do need to tell him the truth.. if you trust him and care about him then he should have a right to know. Express to him what happened, that it wasn't your fault, and if you don't want him to tell anyone else, tell him that you would like to keep it between the two of you because it is very personal and emotionally stressful.
If he doesn't respect the fact that you aren't going to have sex with him for a long time until you are financially and emotionally ready, then he is not worth your time.. and don't let it bother you because you will have done nothing wrong and you don't deserve someone who would treat you that way anyhow.
If he is supportive and accepts the fact that you won't have sex with him, then stay with him if you want.. but if he ever tries to pressure you into it after you tell him, then you should break up with him.
I hope I helped and good luck =)

And you want to know if you should try LSD and Mushrooms, you already smoke pot. Girl you are really setting yourself up for a terrible terrible life.

You need to get over this rape, remember it is not your fault, quit the drugs, get healthy mentally and start all over.

Are you ready to be a parent? If you are not, then you should not have sex with this boy.

You are not ready for sex, and in my opinion this boy does not need to know about what happened to you. He may be the best guy in the world but for some reason guys can not keep a secret and if you and he were to break up I have an idea that all of his friends would know your secret also. Now I have something to say about the rape itself, why in the world does a girl getting raped have to have the stigma to that she can't tell people what happened to her. She is raped and she has to keep it a secret, yet if she was a clerk at a quick stop store and got robbed she would be somewhat of a hero and the news would be all over town and even though she might still have the same flashbacks and dreams from the robbery like she does from the rape, being robber make her a hero and being raped makes her have to suffer her fate alone.

Meleeny 15, I hate that you had to suffer the abuse of a rapist, and after working at a crisis center for fifteen years I do have an idea of how you feel, I know about the flashbacks and the dreams. I also know that you will never forget what happened to you, but it did happen and now you need to not let this guy have any more control over you. You are a survivor, this was not your fault, keep telling yourself that it is in the past and I can't change what happen but I can sure change how it affects me from this moment on.
As far as the boyfriend goes I really don't think this is a good time to tell him what happened. If you were older and you knew that this relationship might turn into a lifetime romance then telling him would be a different thing, I think then you would need to tell him so that every thing would be out in the open.

I wish the best for you, make good decisions in the future, and don't feel ashamed to tell someone close, such as an aunt or best friend, what happened to you. It is so helpful to have someone to talk to.

You need to focus on you and getting your life together. You are not ready to be with this boy so D0N'T but realize that you can't hold on to what that guy did forever if you ever do want to have a healthy relationship with a guy. It isn't other guys doing or fault and they wouldn't be approaching you in the same way. You need to wait until you know you have found a guy that really loves you and know that when you are with him it is out of love.
Letmetellu is right about not telling anybody, not that you have to broadcast it but sometimes telling someone what happened helps the healing process and if he loves you he will understand. I was raped by a guy that had just got released from jail and broke in my house. I was so scaried he was going to kill me but I knew I had to be strong and keep surviving. I have bounced back from many bad times and I was determined I was not going to let this be what got to me. My neighbors all know, and even though they would ask me why I didn't simply get away from him, they are understanding for the most part. I told them how do you fight off someone that is strong and has their hand on your neck like they are ready to snap it at the least little thing. They still don't understand but it isn't something you have to hide or be ashamed of. Your boyfriend if he loves you would be understanding and have a little more patience with you... if not he probably isn't worth it.
D0 not force yourself to be with him when you are not ready it will just complicate your emotions and healing process.

I am the male perspective in this thread I guess,

DON'T MAKE OUT WITH A YOUNGER MALE UNLESS YOU ARE GOING TO FINISH WHAT YOU START.

That is just being a tease.

Maybe you have the 'RIGHT' to be resentful at males for the rape,but don't lead a guy on just to get emotionally wrapped up in something you know your not going to finish.

Sorry so blunt, but I deem it necessary.

Ken

Edit:I am A little calmer now so I can give a little fatherly advice( from a cocaine addicted,alcoholic,IN RECOVERY)

I have been clean and sober for 8 years,watching my daughter go through some of your addictive behavior for only 1

ITS FRUSTRATING,to say the least.(there are MY qualifications)

You are going down a VERY dangerous path, it leads to jails, institutions or death,PICK ONE!

At 15, do you honestly think sex, or drugs, are the right way to live?

Many times I have encountered women who have been molested by... whomever... and lead a poor quality life,drugs,selling themselves(sex,drugs,places to live)and running from accepting what happened in their life.

They have come to see the reality of their problems only after reaching a bottom, the place I am sad to see, but it is always followed by remorse,attempts to change their ways for the better, most don't make it for long, they had been doing drugs for too long, it was a conditioned way of life for them.

The ones that have made it were younger, less time on drugs, less degradation, a little more support from TRUE friends.

Try this, stop supplying your 'friends' with pills/pot... etc, and see how many you still have in a few weeks.I am willing to bet the farm, you won''t have many.

My advice, Get to a phone.

Get the number of Narcotics Anonymous.

Get a contact number from them,and call it.

Go to meetings,seek people who want to be ready to live life, not hide behind drugs.

LIVE.

Ken

Drugs are a buffer for trauma, an outlet for frustration,and a dead end.

NO Don't BREAKUP WITH HIM!! Its not his fault with why you can't do it so don't punish him for it. Tell him the truth if he's a good boyfriend he'll understand and wait until your ready. Honesty really is the best policy.

Good luck and I'm sorry for what happened to you.

This is exactly why I stated my opinion,and got jumped by 2 different people,

Are you saying it is OK for a 15 year old, recovering from a rape,showing addictive behavior,and asking in other posts if LSD and 'shrums are a good idea??

And you say I am wrong for questioning her about having SEX?, at her age?? Are you really thinking clearly folks??

Endorse free sex behavior in your own family,Have grandkids on your quarters, this CHILD is having enough difficulty without you all pampering her 'psudo-adult' behavior.

Sexual behavior is for ADULTS, if she wants to experiment with sexuality, don't tell her its OK, I am TOTALLY against you on this and I am ashamed you think this way,Especially the preacher.

KEN

I am sorry I meant to change it back to agree because you did add a good perspective overall. But I bumped the submit button before I even finished the reply. I would give you an agree but have to wait for the rep thing before I can.

This OP is obviously not taking anyone's advice on any of her postings. She is a 15 year old child with obviously no adult supervision or direction who needs therapy badly!! We have all given her advice on her other posts to seek help and stop this downward spiral in her behavior and she never seems to come back here and let us know how things are going. It appears to me that this girl feels like she redeems herself or justifies her behavior by coming on here, putting it all in writing and then walking away, its almost like her little confessional so to speak when she knows she is doing something wrong but needs to make herself feel better about. This site is like a scape goat for her. She needs therapy desperately!! And if she doesn't get it there isn't anything we can say or do for her.

Meleeny,
You're 15, even if you hadn't been raped I would suggest you wait and seriously consider before having sex. You're much to young and you shouldn't have to justify that.
Ken's right (although I don't think making out should be considered a promise of sex, most people experiement physically for along time before they take that plunge), you need to get your life in order!!
You need to be in therepy about your situation, cope with your addictions and try to get everything else worked out. Having sex should be the least of your priorities at the moment.

Kal

I kind of know were you comeing from, when I was six I was molested and its hard to get over it. Onething I had to do which was the hadest thing I ever did was forgive the person who did this tom I said forgive but not forgive. If your not ready to have sex than don`t. I have to agree with KBC if your not ready to have sex than don`t make out with the dude. If you keep making out with no sex he might get mad and frustated and than you`ll have more problems. If this is a long term reltionship you should tell,but only if you can trust him with out a doubt and try to find a surport grop(people who have had the same experice as you have and stick toghter threw there proble,s).