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    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #21

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:03 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    i know but its differnet if you knew him, why would he buy me everything , spend all his time with me, (accept for when he goes to the pub ) see i just dont understand, i want him to just stop it , i want to just be good enough for him ! :(
    Because you are naïve,immature,and possibly young or at least inexperianced.

    Why did he do those things?

    Because they worked to get you,to manipulate you.

    Why do pedophiles buy kids candy? Same concept

    Not everything he did to you that you think was 'sweet and loving' was.

    He.is.a.cheater.
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
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    #22

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:05 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    i know but its differnet if you knew him, why would he buy me everything , spend all his time with me, (accept for when he goes to the pub ) see i just dont understand, i want him to just stop it , i want to just be good enough for him ! :(
    He could be a nice guy or he is just spend his money on you because he is guilty. However, a cheater is a cheater and his behavior can't be erased.


    Don't start thinking your not good enough because he cheats. This is what happens when you stay with a guy like him--your self esteem starts to go down.

    Right now your young and acting dumb because your in love--nobody can tell you nothing because you don't want to hear it. Hopefully one day your wise up or he is will leave you before you wise up.
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #23

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:07 AM

    I guess its true there not the things I long to hear . He's just perfect though even though he cheats.stupid I know!! I don't know how I've let myself to get like this!
    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #24

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:07 AM

    I am just wondering if you can answer me this question

    I think it would give the entire forum, a better idea to help you.

    What would he have to do for you to say 'thats enough I'm done'

    Do you even have those boundries on him?
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #25

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:11 AM

    I really don't know what it would take for me to say that's it its over... he does what he pleases because he gets away with it, I could slap I'm hit I'm I really could be I could never hurt him because in my heart I love I'm so bad . I'm only 18 so yer I'm young stupid niave and a pratt but surely I didn't think love could take over my life?? So I really don't know?x
    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #26

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:16 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    i guess its true there not the things i long to hear . hes just perfect though even though he cheats.stupid i know !!!! i dont know how iv let myself to get like this !!

    Perfect and cheat doesn't even fit in the same sentence. If you didn't have any doubts and if he was the perfect boyfriend than this conversation wouldn't even be going on.

    If someone can't put their heart in a relationship they have to take themselves out of it.
    If you keep allowing him to be a cheater than it is your own fault if you get hurt.


    IF he was truly "in love" and happy with you he wouldn't cheat.
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #27

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:18 AM

    I know I'm allowing myself to get hurt but that's y I don't undertsand why I won't leave him??
    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #28

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:24 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    i know im allowing myself to get hurt but thats y i dont undertsand why i wont leave him?????
    You know the answer, or maybe you just like to be cheated on. Or maybe you love him more than you love yourself, and that is the big problem.
    Fear of being alone, of being rejected, many things makes us accept intolerable behavior. But if this continue I can guarantee that you won't be happy for long.

    You're making him your priority when you are an option to him.
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #29

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:26 AM

    I guess I do love him more than I love myself?. but he sweet talks me and I fall in love all over egen silly I know!. I think I've lost myself in this relationship but I still need and want him?
    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #30

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:26 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    i really dont know what it would take for me to say thats it its over... he does wht he pleases becuase he gets away with it, i could slap im hit im i really could be i could never hurt him becuase in my heart i love im so bad . im only 18 so yer im young stupid niave n a pratt but surely i didnt think love could take over my life ??????? so i really dont know?x
    If he cheated on you completely as in (Slept with) someone else

    Would you leave him then?

    If not the problem is with you,and not him.

    Personally I have the lowest self esteem ever and I was also a teenager with my ex,and after dealing with emotional abuse,emotional cheating,internet cheating

    One day it progressed to physical and honestly

    That got me over ever wanting my ex back where as before I would forgive and forgive

    But in your case

    How can you look at him or kiss him knowing he's kissed someone else?

    That cheapens everything,so in retrospect every kiss you have from that point on,really means nothing as 'him kissing other girls is OK and means nothing'
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #31

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:28 AM

    Guess even if I found out he slept with someone else id probably try and forget it happened or I heard it!? Bt he just won't admit it when I know he's kissed her.. but maybe it was 1 mistake? And he doesn't wna tell me?
    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #32

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:36 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    guess even if i found out he slept with someone else id probly try and forget it happened or i heard it !?? bt he just wont admit it when i know hes kissed her..but maybe it was 1 mistake? and he doesnt wna tell me?
    Okay after this I'm done. What difference does it make if he tells you or not , you already made up your mind you want to be with him.
    So at this point you accept this behavior, why are you asking questions to us in which you should be asking him. And you continue to make excuses for him.

    Turn the volume up on your intuition, and listen.
    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #33

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    guess even if i found out he slept with someone else id probly try and forget it happened or i heard it !?? bt he just wont admit it when i know hes kissed her..but maybe it was 1 mistake? and he doesnt wna tell me?
    You have no self respect,and this relationship is starting to seem borderline abusive.
    18 is not THAT young,it's old enough to live and learn and rationalize.
    If you were 14-16 or something I could understand (yeah two-four years actually does make a difference in the teens)
    If you believe it is OK to cheat then is it okay to hit someone in a relationship?
    They are both abusive behaviors
    And since you see no problem with one,I'm not so sure you would condone the other.

    He obviously has a tight grip on you,but you need boundries,or you will fall into the victim role (you're already there actually)

    Denial and defending him are actually signs of

    Stockholm syndrome - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #34

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:39 AM

    Yeah but like I'm trying to say I'm in love with him and I'm young so I'm going to be trying to protect what I have I guess?. my point is I just wna know WHY can I leave him ? Y do I keep letting myself get upset
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #35

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:41 AM

    It just messes my head up and I still love him?
    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #36

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:45 AM

    Maybe he's your first love and that's why you can't leave?

    Maybe he's all you've ever known of love?

    In no way am I saying your relationship is special,it's abusive.

    But see that's the thing about abusive relationships,you feel you aren't good enough to leave,or good enough to stay,so you stay in uetero hoping he will change,meanwhile the lies get bigger,subtle insults start

    And before you know it,a domestic violence case.
    jolienoire's Avatar
    jolienoire Posts: 917, Reputation: 166
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    #37

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:46 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by kelly10jonson View Post
    yeh but like im trying to say im in love with him and im young so im gna b trying to protect wht i have i guess ?... my point is i just wna know WHY can i leave him ? y do i keep lettin myself get upset
    You are obsessed or infatuated with him. Because you are breaking the cardinal rule to any relationship and that is

    Self love. That is why you keep loving him as if he is the best thing since sliced bread.
    57373's Avatar
    57373 Posts: 95, Reputation: 8
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    #38

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:49 AM
    I can guarantee based on guys I've known in the past,that the more you push him for questions,the more he will push you away,tell you to 'shut up' 'stop being parinoid' 'it was nothing' 'why don't you trust me'

    And then you start feeling like the idi**,you start feeling like the crazy one,you start doubting yourself (Which you are because you posted this forum)And yourself esteem lowers

    What comes next?

    He will lift it up,with apologies,they will never be long,just short and to the point.

    If he really still wants you around,he might even cry in front of you (which obviously means nothing) it's all manipulation because he will do the same things over and over

    Once your trust is built up again,he will knock it down.
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #39

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:50 AM

    I guess I am obsessed with him I feel the need to ring him all the time and text him and talk to him and I cry when I'm not with him and I miss him terribly even when I just leave him!?
    kelly10jonson's Avatar
    kelly10jonson Posts: 39, Reputation: 2
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    #40

    Jun 30, 2009, 08:52 AM
    57373... I totally agree with what you say every time I ask him he pushes me away he's like shut up I didn't kiss her your paraniod your werid you are are you going to believe her over me... truth is she thort it wus him she was talking to so she can't have been lying... hw can he look at me though and tell me he loves me when he nos he's kissed someone else? I wna make I'm have a concience make him think I should tell her but nothing I say to him makes it happen
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