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-   -   Does my dad hate me? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=79225)

  • Apr 4, 2007, 01:56 PM
    kyle12345
    Does my dad hate me?
    I feel like everything I do is wrong!
    I can't do anything right.
    Its like whatever I do I'm never going to be good enough for my dad.
    He never notices anything I do right but when I do something wrong he goes crazy.
    I no your probably going to say he's my dad he must love me but he dosen't.
    He wouldn't care if I droped dead right in front of him.
    I usually get crap grads in school as I can't constrate.
    All he does is work,work,work and work some more.
    I hate him but I don't want to.
    What should I do?
  • Apr 4, 2007, 02:11 PM
    MrsJoseph06
    I'm sorry sweetie that your Dad makes you feel that way! Have you tried talking to him about it? I know its hard sometimes to communicate your feelings try writing a letter! How old are you if you don't mind me asking? I hope you can work things out with your Dad!
  • Apr 5, 2007, 01:39 AM
    kyle12345
    I don't really talk to him because he wouldn't care about what I have to say.
    I'm not really that great at spelling to be writing a letter.
    I'm 15.
    Thanks for the help!
  • Apr 7, 2007, 08:31 AM
    starbuckerbriee
    I know what you mean. My dad is the same sometimes. When he gets mad, he gets really mad. Talk to your mom about it. I'm a girl so it might be different with you. But moms always help. Talk to your mom about sending him to counseling or something. I know this isn't the best thing but wait a few days and if he gets really bad, run away to a friends house who lives near by. That's what I would do. Hope I could help!
  • Apr 10, 2007, 11:22 AM
    MrsJoseph06
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by kyle12345
    I don't really talk to him because he wouldn't care about what I have to say.
    I'm not really that great at spelling to be writing a letter.
    I'm 15.
    Thanks for the help!

    You can always type a letter and use spell check! Talking to your mom might also help! I hope you resolve this with your Dad!
  • May 30, 2007, 08:01 AM
    aston89
    I feel the same way about my dad :( I'm 17...
  • May 30, 2007, 08:09 AM
    deedee06
    I think the fact that your dad yells at you is a clear indication that he loves you. When you do something wrong it disappoints him. If he didn't love you he wouldn't ever be disappointed in you. A lot of times people don't notice the good, just the bad. It's very common and a hard habit to break. Next time he yells at you say something like "I didn't mean to mess up. I tried my best, dad. And I don't always mess up. I did this right........ I wish you would see the things I do well more." etc. It's hard to say that to a parent. But even just saying "I'm sorry and I love you dad" will probably make him feel bad about yelling at you. Whatever you do though, don't yell back.
  • May 30, 2007, 08:18 AM
    Megg
    I've been out of my father's house for 3-4 years thank god! My father was the same way to some end. He was very mentally abusive and always attacked my self-worth. I could never do anything right in his eyes either. I don't know why a parent who be so cold hearted to their own child, but some parent's just don't know how to BE parent's. Some don't know how to be anything at all. My dad loved me, but he didn't know how to show it. But just because a parent yells doesn't mean they love you. If you tell him your sorry for anything that he get's mad about and your clearly trying, id talk to someone you know you can trust and that can help you. Weither anyone agree's with me or not, I was in a broken home, an abusive home and it made me a weak, depressed and lonely person. I had no self-esteem. You don't deserve that. Your dad has no right to call you names, yell at you or make you feel bad about yourself. What you need to do is get out of the house and hopefully get help and be able to live somewhere else if he doesn't get help or change. You may be in your parnet's home, but you have almost just as many rights as he does. Give or take a few. Do yourself a favor, help yourslef before it ruins you. Took me years to undo the hurt.
  • May 30, 2007, 08:35 AM
    kepi
    I think the fact that he works a lot and disciplines you shows that he cares. Sometimes it may seem like he just hates you, and when angry, he may say things he doesn't mean, so don't worry- most teens have problems with their parents at one point or another- just try your best, and although he may not be very open about it, he'll be very proud of you.
  • May 30, 2007, 10:17 PM
    modular01
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by kyle12345
    I feel like everything I do is wrong!!
    I can't do anything right.
    Its like whatever I do I'm never going to be good enough for my dad.
    He never notices anything I do right but when I do something wrong he goes crazy.
    I no ur probly going to say hes my dad he must love me but he dosen't.
    He wouldn't care if I droped dead right in front of him.
    I usually get crap grads in school as i can't constrate.
    All he does is work,work,work and work some more.
    I hate him but I dont want to.
    What should I do??

    I went through a similar situation with my Dad, until I moved out. My Dad wasn't really good at showing his emotions until the last year or so; his real father walked out on him when he was 5, his stepdad wasn't the greatest guy on earth, and I think that had a lot to do with the way that he acted towards me. It took me moving out, and working on things without him being there (cars, things around the house, etc) for him to realize that I was capable of doing things without him "butting in" and trying to take over. I've talked to him about this in length since I moved out, and believe it or not, it did help a lot. A lot of it probably has to do with the way your father was raised. Sometimes it's hard for someone with a difficult childhood to be the parent that their kids expect them to be. It took me a long time to figure that out. If you don't mind me asking, what is the background that your dad comes from?
  • May 30, 2007, 10:36 PM
    chippers
    I agree with then other posters who say to talk with your mom. Tell her how you feel and that you love your father. Let mom know you want to talk with him and not have her do it for you. Only you can express your true feelings. Write your dad a note saying you want to talk with him. Make time for the two of you. In all honesty, he may not realize he's coming off so gruff to you. The way you said he works bring that up to. Let him know you're worried about him. That you love him and want to spend time with him as father and son.
    Men were brought up to be providers and men don't show emotion. We know that's not true. He may be worried about you and your grades. You feel your dad may not care or notice you and he may feel the same about you. Parents and teens are tough combinations but we manage to survive. My mom was like your dad. I recently lost her and I'd give anything to have that time back. Take this time to build a strong relationship with you father. You'll both be the better for it.
  • Jun 1, 2007, 02:10 PM
    kyle12345
    Thanks 4 da help and I've taken it all into account!!
    Yet... It didn't really work!!
    Well 1st let me say I don't have a mum.
    I can't really move out cause I got no where 2 go!!
    Well I don't really no that much about my dad or his background.
    All I hear from him is that he made a big mistacke 16 years ago and that was me!!
    Thanks

    Kyle S
  • Jun 1, 2007, 09:20 PM
    modular01
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by kyle12345
    Thanks 4 da help and i've taken it all into account!!!
    Yet..........................It didn't really work!!!
    Well 1st let me say I dont have a mum.
    I can't really move out cause I got no where 2 go!!!
    Well I dont really no that much about my dad or his background.
    All I hear from him is that he made a big mistacke 16 years ago and that was me!!!
    Thanks

    Kyle S

    You're not a mistake, don't listen to him if he tells you that. I know that it's easier said than done, but I'm sure you have plenty of people that care about you that think otherwise.
  • Jun 1, 2007, 09:30 PM
    deedee06
    I think the better word would be "unplanned"...
  • Dec 28, 2008, 07:16 PM
    cavellg
    Hi Kyle,

    Please understand and be clear on the subject "your not responsible for your dadīs behavior, HE is".

    Your dad probably grew up in a dysfunctional environment as well, and what he does around you and to you was something he learned many years ago, as it was probably done to him.

    The fact that your coping with the situation the way you are is awesome, reaching out for help is probably not something your dad does (but should).

    Let me ask you something, when your dad says your messing up, do YOU FEEL like youīve done something wrong. There is something that is called destructive shame which means no matter what you do itīs never right and is often used the way your dad uses it.

    Keep your head up bud and donīt give up, talk to a guidance counselor at school, find solutions, their out there.

    Best of luck G. Avella
  • Dec 28, 2008, 10:33 PM
    AManWithNoName

    Wow, how am I going to answere this, me and my old man are close, have you ever tried to relate to him some how, music, hobbies, jokes
    It may seem that your dad may only be paying attention to you when he's mad at you, maybe that's his way of showing that he cares
    The first time my dad caught me high, he punched me in the gut, "listen dumbass, if I ever catch you doin that again, I'm not gonna hold back", you think its outa anger, but its outa love
  • Dec 29, 2008, 10:21 PM
    pengo858

    Ok so you think that your dad does not love you. I have the same kind of dad. But guess what. When my dad gets really mad I try to ignore ir. When he watching TV or something go talk to him. Tell you what your feeling like. Tell him about how you think he does not love you. Tell him how you did thing s wrouge . And don't go to soft . You have to face him. Get the corage, Cause no onw else is going to do it for you . Good Luck

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