Ask Me Help Desk - Family hates that I'm bleaching

SAGLUVA - There was a time at 17 I turned sparkling white... on a regimen of beetroot & carrot juice, hydrogen peroxide and retin a... little sun and lots of milk..

Eveyrone said howd I get so light... but my cousins found it beleivable because they remember me as a really light skinned child... so they sortov believed that I had stayed out of the sun long enough to get back my colour...

People asked me why my face was lighter than my body... IT NEVER FREAKIN BOTHERED ME... Because one day they were jealous the next day I'm looking great again.. getting the compliments..

As long as you don't turn to MJ your fine...

The world, the same people who dislike or criticise you are jealous...

Well it's a pity your parents are against you lightening... my dad is brahmin white and hates his colour.. he has always been glad I have a slight yellow to brown tinge on my skin...

But wehnever I get paler, he gets angry and irritated.. he does not like it at all...

My mums a clown.. she loves it when I'm lighter.. the ligter I am my mum is jumping for joy.. lol...

You have a life of your own... do what you wish to... trussmme.. your boyfriend .---you just have to pretend you take good care of your skin... say I use cosmetics.. SO WHAT >?? All women use it.. He can't pretend he doesn't know.. Men are using creams themselves all the time..

Run with confidence or your paranoia will kill you !

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lovelee

I like subtle changes so it wouldn't look too unnatural. I want to get 2-3 shades lighter. I remember a few years ago my aunt was having a baby shower and as soon as I gave her my gift she shouts, "your bleaching" I was so angry but I kept it in. Gee what a way to draw unwanted attention to me.

Lovelee, this sounds very similar to what one of my aunts does and she say this in front of everyone like "you need to stop bleaching your face, your getting too light!!". It really gets on my nerves so I try to avoid her when I can, funny how she bleaches her hair with blond highlights.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Golden_Girl

Lovelee, this sounds very similar to what one of my aunts does and she say this in front of everyone like "you need to stop bleaching your face, your getting too light!!". It really gets on my nerves so I try to avoid her when I can, funny how she bleaches her hair with blond highlights.

I don't know why some people insist on embaressing others. She just makes me sick. If I were evil like her I would have said something like, "your getting fat" but I like to keep cruel comments like that to myself.

My light skinned cousin siad something to me the other day... and I wanted to slap her.. LOL... I look even at pics of me and I'm not that much lighter than I ever was... nothing that would cause any notice to people who know me and even those who haven't seen me in years... but all of a sudden she has something to say... people suck lol esp family sometimes... and she's very light so I guess she would be the one who is colorstruck in our family enough to notice... she often complains falsely about being "pale" and needing a tan but has never done it.. get my drift?

Ironicaly she's th eonly one like this in my family.. because she is the only obviously black looking light skinned person in my family... everyone else is either black with no problem.. and they didn't notice anything or they look white or light hispanic with straight or curly hair... and they all tan... lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lovelee

I don't know why some people insist on embaressing others. She just makes me sick. If I were evil like her I would have said something like, "your getting fat" but I like to keep cruel comments like that to myself.

Yeah, I know what you mean Lovelee. Someimtes I'm so close to comment back when that happens and ask them do they think they asked a normal question while conversation.. as it is just nosiness and not normal.. lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Boricua1

my light skinned cousin siad something to me the other day... and I wanted to slap her.. LOL... I look even at pics of me and I'm not that much lighter than i ever was... nothing that would cause any notice to people who know me and even those who haven't seen me in years... but all of a sudden she has something to say.... people suck lol esp family sometimes... and she's very light so i guess she would be the one who is colorstruck in our family enough to notice... she often complains falsely about being "pale" and needing a tan but has never done it.. get my drift?

ironicaly she's th eonly one like this in my family.. because she is the only obviously black looking light skinned person in my family... everyone else is either black with no problem.. and they didn't notice anything or they look white or light hispanic with straight or curly hair... and they all tan..... lol

Boricua, yeah to me it seems like she only mention statements about herself to others in order to get attention and compliments for herself? So, yeah she will definitely notice slight difference if she automatically measures complexions of those around her, I think it's rather silly.

I have to ask something, because I often read the skin bleaching forum (because of the amount of advertising done, which isn't allowed) and I don't understand.

I'm white. I'm bone white. I'd love to have some color to my skin but I don't tan because of the very serious consequences and the fact that I have a friend that has skin cancer and very bad skin because of tanning. So I'm stuck being white.

When summer comes around I hate going to the beach in a bathing suit because of my ultra white skin. I use 50spf sunblock because of my worries about skin cancer. I'd love a tan.

The fact is, it's my skin. It's what I was born with. I would never spend money to change it, I just protect it.

Why would anyone go to such drastic measures to change the color of their skin?

I really don't understand. Maybe your relatives don't either, because they are comfortable with what they were born with, as I am.

No, this isn't a criticism, I really am trying to understand why.

I will do my best to explain the details of this question to the best of my ability. And although I doubt, it would be great to make this into a sticky as part of a question and answer for this subject. Skin lightening is the same as how caucasions go to such drastic and lethal measures for doing the following: hen using tanning beds at the tanning salons, applying tanning lotions and sprays before sitting out in the sun, applying the several bronzers that are sold at the stores or (I can't remember what it is called) it's something like people stand in this type of shower and it actually sprays brown stuff at them at salons. Or something new that I recently heard about a few months ago where it's now becoming popular to take some type of pills that will darken the skin to appear darker, people being airbrushed a darker color that lasts a few days, etc... a billion dollar industry and where I live I see these only a few blocks apart from each other and there seems to be rows and aisles of bronzing sprays... I once was curious and tested it on my hand to fulfill my curiosity, as I thought all of that was quite silly and also wondered why do many whites do this? And soooo so many times I am so tempted to go in the beauty category here at AMHD and ask them "why do you do that to yourself? You shouldn't apply brown coloring or tan, or swallow pills, or dyeing your hair different colors...just stay the way you are...lol!" And this is actually in the Beauty Category, that it is actually seen as a form of beauty by the "general public" and no need to have a category of it's own because it's "commonly" practiced by many, many.

And I figured out that it is only human nature for ALL of us to want to alter ourselves in one form or another to something that we do not naturally have... even if it is only a minor change or temporary change, the effect is still the same. Whether some like to be darker of some like to be lighter.

As for myself, my goal is not to literally "whiten" my skin. I love my Ethiopian, Cherokee Native American, African American ethnicity and for me my goal is to remove the tan that I increasingly had over the years and reach the more light "golden" caramel complexion I had when I was in elementary school when I was a kid. Yes, still a shade of brown. But, everyone has their own ideals and goals they would like to reach here at AMHD whether it is to be darker or lighter.

And yet, caucasian women getting buttocks implants, pants that has booty pads embedded in them to give more buttocks, and I noticed so many variety of exercises for them that helps give a more rounder butt that sticks out a bit more. Honestly, I asked myself this same question and I literally giggled out loud to myself and asked "why on earth would people want to do this, actually have their buttocks cut open and have silicone shoved there out of all places..and pay thousands for a butt?

But (no punt intended) I questioned it because I do not specifically relate to this type of alteration, as mine has always been round and believe me, getting attention from men in public was not fun and can be insulting and degrading, at times being approached in an ill manner and have words yelled out to you. But again, we all are trying to alter ourselves in one form or another, even if our changes differ. Everyone wants to see how much green is on the other side of the hill..

Even people who curl their hair with a curling iron so their hair does not look so flat and plain and thin, is another alteration that is not natural. If not properly the excessive heat used can damage the hair and cause breakage. The same with using gels, spritz, and mouse in the hair to alter it and make it more "fuller", "thicker", and more "youthful", things I completely refuse to apply to my hair because to me its gook and nasty. It smoothers the hair follicles, can cause breakage and hair damage, its sticky, it smells, and the way it makes the hair feel feels bad to the touch... but to many it is beautiful to them, and they like the body and gloss, shine, and fullness of it.

And lip injections to make the lips bigger... my goodness, and to have a more pouter lips like Angelina Jolie (I'm a big fan of her) who literally has lips of a black woman. And people have questioned her complete ethnicity because of the same reason. People even questioned if her lips were paid for, if they were real or fake. But, not to mention when she was much younger, she was scorned because of the size of her lips, but have now made her into a sex symbol. And many caucasian women are running to get this lip enlargement injection surgeries, or can't wait to order the new lipstick and lip gloss that makes their lips bigger and large = which in reality actually works by having a substance(s) that literally causes the lips to swell, and actually irritating the skin. But, who would actually want to purposely irritate their own skin? Or draw lip liner all over and around their lips, then fill them in with lipstick to make appear larger. Why not just skip that step and buy a nice cheap lipstick and except the size of your lips? I don't get it, because I already have it... because my lips have always been full. But, many do this because they find it more beautiful, more sensual, more exotic. But, when I was a kid, it was the kids with the big lips who were picked on and called names, not to mention only a few decades ago blacks were picked on in menstrual shows and even the beloved Loony Toon cartoons w/ Bugs Bunny, and aired it for little kids to see, and still from time to time is still aired on TV. But, I accept my lips as they are and do not try and change them, as for me it is an attractive trait.

Women who are a natural brunette, auburn, or black hair dyeing their hair different shades of blond to pass as a natural blond because they consider it as "ideal" and so many men just looove blonds.. hence the term blond bomb shell, when they are not a natural blond. Or getting highlights in their hair to make look lighter. Same for getting hair tracts and weave parts added to the hair to make the hair fuller and not thin, to give it more body.

Nose jobs, aka Rhinoplasty, I noticed is an epidemic for many to remove the "bump" on their nose and decrease the size. Although these days more and more asians and blacks are now getting this, it is still very popular for caucasions to have this done... I would never have my nose cut open, as it is a useless surgery to have along with booty implants. The surgery is done not because it's life threatening, but because it's in demand by many who are willing to spend thousands to have it... and even many more wishing to have this done is just as bad, because the thinking patterns are still identical regardless if one will pay for it or not.

Same with breast implants, colored eye contacts that isn't their natural color such as blue, green, gray, violet,. and inserting them on their eyeballs, not specifically to have the vision corrected, but to have that new color-blend look to fit more into the ideals of mainstream society. Another, people pressing the hair straight with a flat iron to have a sleek look. The list is a continuous cycle of changes and altercations that we are All guilty of, whether it is major or minor. The list is complex and versatile, as no 2 minds think precisely alike. But, I think some may become offended by this being asked because it is always being asked over, and over, and over again and again.. even after I post this, a week or month or 4 years from now the question will only repeat itself "why are you trying to change it"... when they are all making changes to themselves, can be seen (although innocent) is actually hypocritical, because we will continue to be questioned... but not questioning the same people who happens to be "changing" themselves.

Men who are balding and losing their hair, they should not try and change what nature has planned out for them. Why change, why can they not be happy the way that they are. They should let their hair shed and be bald... but that's not very attractive, and as men grow older they want to keep their hair and not let nature take it's course on their heads and have their hair to recede and are willing to pay big money for it. Same with hair turning gray... should they accept what nature has planned out for them or should they flaunt with the idea of dyeing those grays... because it's only going to get worse with time...

Even here, we are often criticized, looked down on, belittled, laughed at, questioned by almost everyone from every rank, even after the question was answered it is never completely digested and the questions are regurgitated once more. Thus not being an actual question, but subliminally an answer and message. The question actually answering itself. Outside, we are forced to do things behind closed doors "or else"... thank goodness for forums where everyone can just be themselves... or are they? No, not really because the same still occurs. Again, we are questioned, insulted, belittled, etc etc by the same, who within a matter of minutes later say in another category "Oh, I can't wait to dye my hair, plump up my lips, get that nose job I have been saving for, and I'm going to the mall today to buy those special new blue jeans w/ the pads sewn in that were shown on the commercial to make my booty look round before my big date this weekend!!" with excitement and glee, yet were unable to decipher the two connections because criticism is not given.

Because skin tanning is openly discussed, it is welcomed, praised, and celebrated, created to appear as the norm because this is mostly deisired.. whether one has the ability or not. There being actual tanning salons on almost every corner and a wide range of skin tanner supplies in every store make me want to capitalize on that and market my own tanning products and own a tanning salon franchise so that I will be filthy rich. If there actual skin lightening salons here in the West, they would be bombed, egged, yelled at, "exposed" on the news, cursed to and any other thing that will cause ridicule on that very same day of opening... lol.

And yet, they all fail to see that the exact opposite of skin lightening is skin tanning which are not 100% safe either and can be quite toxic or risking ones health. Skin tanning is done in a variety of different ways, as scientists are rushing to their laboratories to create other methods and forms to darken, or at least appear to look darkened, without the use of sun, even for those who may burn easily now have their wish and dream to come true to appear darker. Maybe many of us are subconsciously trying to meet in the middle somewhere? Even if it means to mate with another in order to reach that middle ground in some way? In some way it is amusing on how much we are different, and yet equally we are the same. Whether we choose to accept this truth or not. Truth doesn't change. We may not 100% agree with each other's alterations we all do upon ourselves, we all do it in some form or another.

Complex, yes. Yet, quite simple when we choose to look outside of ourselves. We are actually all doing the same thing, only in different ways to achieve a different and more ideal result to suit our own needs, wants, and desires. Altering ourselves (or the desire to alter ourselves, also equally guilty) yet feel the need to question why others choose to alter their own selves? That is how I tend to answer my questions when others do something outside of the norm to change their appearance that I may not agree with.

Although I haven't had anyone to openly say to me in relation to me using skin lighteners, but hinted around the subject. But, if this was to happen (which might someday) for the people we may know personally know (family, friends, coworkers) who may attempt to say "you need to not change yourselves for this and that reason, accept the way you are"... I would love to have the opportunity to quickly point out to them their own hypocritical judgments, go to their homes and open their cabinets. I would love to pull out that same box of perm/hair relaxer, hair dye, colored contacts, weaves/tracts/ and wigs, and anything else... and repeat the same thing to them: "you need to not change yourselves, accept the way you are"... and the dangers that those items they use on a regular basis (excluding contacts there pretty safe) and list all of the toxic chemicals floating in those products that they most likely use, because they are equally altercations as well... I know they would have a fit, but it's true. I do not believe in advocating for people to lighten their skin or tan their skin, because they do not have to as for so many other things they do not have to do. I think it should remain a choice if we want to get tattoos and odd piercings, tan or lighten. And should not be marketed or persuaded to those whose desire is to not do these things, I think that is wrong yet it is marketed. Everyone should have the choice to alter themselves as they so desire, as long as it is done in a safe manner that will not cause harm and it is their personal choice and not the persuasion of others trying to force them to change or market to change. Same with parents shouldn't force these things on their children, which is also wrong. People should feel comfortable to alter themselves the way they so desire, as long as it is done in the safest manner.