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    leot's Avatar
    leot Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
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    #81

    Jul 5, 2007, 03:32 AM
    Ask him out for coffee on a Saturday or Sunday. It need not necessarily be during a weekday.
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #82

    Jul 5, 2007, 08:21 PM
    Mom,
    I REALLY LIKE THIS GUY!. he's a sweetheart.

    Huno,
    He purposely picks up shifts when I work to spend more time with me. And I mean horrible shifts that nobody would want because you don't make much money during those shifts. Why do you ask?
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #83

    Jul 5, 2007, 09:57 PM
    Oh, just curious as to what kind of guy he is. :) Looks like everything is going well for you--glad to hear it!

    And do pop in every so often. You can't spend all your time with this guy... :p
    nicespringgirl's Avatar
    nicespringgirl Posts: 1,237, Reputation: 187
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    #84

    Jul 6, 2007, 02:20 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by huno
    Oh, just curious as to what kind of guy he is. :) Looks like everything is going well for you--glad to hear it!

    And do pop in every so often. You can't spend all your time with this guy... :p
    Yes, what type of guy he is? A sweetheart should not be the ONLY reason u like him. And if he really worth of it, U ASK HIM OUT! :)
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #85

    Jul 6, 2007, 10:12 PM
    Nicespringgirl,

    The original topic of this thread has kind of become irrelevant. This is a different guy and we are already seeing each other. It's a long story... sort of. Ha!


    Huno,
    I will remember to check in with you guys. My dilemma right now is whether I should sleep with him. He wants to, I know, but he never asks me to and never pushes the issue. I think awhile ago he mentioned it jokingly at work and I said I didn't want to and explained why which is because I am leaving at the end of the summer to go back to school and I am NOT the type to sleep with someone just because. I don't really want to for the reason that I know our "relationship" won't really last that long. But then I do... so bad. <SIGH>

    He's going to stay there with or without sex... so he says and I believe it just by the way he acts.

    People at work are starting to figure things out. I guess we've been caught giving quick pecks to each other by a couple people. The cooks have figured it out. One of them confronted me saying "we all know you're f***ing "Divinci"" (lol i almost put his real name in there)..... which im not sleeping with him, but i guess that pretty much says that they know. Tonight that same guy said "you need to train your wife"... to Divinci and meaning me by "wife".... Gospel heard Divinci say to him later when the same cook (who is a real jerk btw) asked what was going on between us that "nothing... and even if something was going on, it wasn't any of his business." So.......... other than that, most of the feedback has been positive. My friend (ill call her Mark Twain) said "I'm glad that he is going after someone like you who will treat him right... unlike his last girlfriend"... this is getting very specific so I'm going to end on that note.
    kristynn's Avatar
    kristynn Posts: 502, Reputation: 66
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    #86

    Jul 7, 2007, 07:39 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by stargazer10
    My dilemma right now is whether or not I should sleep with him. He wants to, I know, but he never asks me to and never pushes the issue. I think awhile ago he mentioned it jokingly at work and i said i didn't want to and explained why which is because i am leaving at the end of the summer to go back to school and I am NOT the type to sleep with someone just because.
    Then, don't.
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    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #87

    Jul 7, 2007, 08:07 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by stargazer10
    I think awhile ago he mentioned it jokingly at work and i said i didn't want to and explained why which is because i am leaving at the end of the summer to go back to school and I am NOT the type to sleep with someone just because. I don't really want to for the reason that I know our "relationship" won't really last that long. But then I do.... so bad. <SIGH>
    Ah, yes, I understand. In fact I'm sort of in the same situation. I'm moving in a week to start a new job and the girl I'm (sorta) with is avoiding me now because she says she doesn't want to miss me when I leave. I told her I wanted to try and make it work but she's saying the long distance thing won't work out. Which I know in my heart it won't... I hate long distance things...

    But my girl (let's call her... um... uh... crap I can't think of anything... I'll choose the first thing I see--XBox360) says that she gets hurt easily and doesn't want to go through the pain of a breakup, so she's starting to call me less and she won't see me as often. I tell her, "XBox360, don't play me like that--I'm supposed to be playing you!" (Okay, I didn't say that last part... that was just for the bad pun :D).

    Yeah... I guess girls really avoid getting hurt. My last GF told me the same thing, that she didn't want to get hurt. I don't understand the fear... we're all going to get hurt when a relationship ends but that doesn't mean it's not worth pursuing...

    Well, do what you think is best. I personally think you shouldn't, if you're the type to stick by your beliefs you could end up regretting it. And then what the cooks say will be true. :D

    Quote Originally Posted by stargazer10
    My friend (ill call her Mark Twain) said "im glad that he is going after someone like you who will treat him right... unlike his last girlfriend".... this is getting very specific so im going to end on that note.
    Mark Twain? Just where the hell do you get all these names? :p

    Well, you knew people were going to talk. My advice is to tune it out. But I'm sure you already knew that.

    I'll bet a few of those guys are jealous. :cool:
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #88

    Jul 7, 2007, 09:46 AM
    Ha ha. These names are getting a bit ridiculous... Divinci, Carrot, Gospel, Mr. Good Bar, and finally Mark Twain (for a girl... lol)... don't ask... they are all plays on names and characteristics they have... Maybe one day I will tell you...

    Well I am going to see Divinci today... ill let you know what I decide on the sleeping with him dilemma... I probably won't
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #89

    Jul 23, 2007, 10:47 PM
    Hey guys,

    So I haven't posted in awhile and you said you wanted feedback so I figured now (at two in the morning because I can't sleep) was a great time.

    Currently, I am bashing my head against a freaking wall feeling like a freaking idiot. Why? Because I got myself into a stupid situation. I shouldv'e taken kristynn's advice and went with Gospel. But, no, I chose the difficult relationship (or whatever the heck it is) and went with Divinci. Big mistake on my part. The whole hiding it from my parents thing... horrible.

    I keep saying that I "can't" tell my parents, but when I think about it (if I could tell them without them being angry or upset) I wouldn't even "want" to. That says a lot right there. So now I'm facing a dilemma because I find myself wishing I hadn't pushed Gospel aside. In fact, the whole time I'm pretty sure I only said no because it was too easy for me. I like to put myself in difficult situations I guess. Rebellion? I don't know.

    So now I want Gospel, but I don't want to hurt Divinci's feelings. Although we aren't really in a relationship because it absolutely is not a relationship. And I'm not even sure Gospel will give me a second chance. Basically, I'm a girl who doesn't know what she wants. Well... maybe "girl who changes her mind a lot" is a better description.

    Help. Please.
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    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #90

    Jul 23, 2007, 11:17 PM
    Whoa, hold up there, girl--what's wrong? Did the relationship go sour? It sounds like he or you did something stupid... is this just about the parents, or are you disappointed with Davinci?

    Explanation, please.
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    jazzyj98241 Posts: 6, Reputation: 0
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    #91

    Jul 23, 2007, 11:27 PM
    What I would do is just ask him and if he says no take it as hey I found out if he likes me or not and that is all that matters. But if he says yes ask him if he likes coffee and take him out a your treat.
    Mom of 2's Avatar
    Mom of 2 Posts: 449, Reputation: 90
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    #92

    Jul 24, 2007, 08:50 AM
    Yes, you do sound a little confused, but isn't that supposed to happen at some point in your life? In time, you will figure it out.

    I always thought that if you have to "hide" anything from your parents (or anyone important in your life for that matter) it is not worth it. Yes, you don't have to introduce EVERYONE to your parents, but eventually the more serious relationships you will have to. Even though your original intention was not to get serious with this person and that eventually you would be ending it, you also ran the risk of developing more intense feelings for this person than you originally anticipated, which would definitely put yourself in quite a predicament. IF that would have happened (which I understand did not happen) you would most likely have felt that you had to CHOOSE your parents over your "boyfriend" (or the other way around). No one has the right to give you an ultamatim. I was in a similar situation myself and it is not a good position to be in. I was at a rebellious point in my life and chose unwisely because I felt pressured by my then boyfriend. I know that I am going way over the top here because I know that you do not have serious feelings for Divinci (or anyone else at this specific time), but I feel that I still have to say this. My situation you ask? When I was 19, I met someone at college, fell in love and then introduced him to my family. My family initially did not like him, saying that he was rude, controlling, etc. I quickly made excuses for him, saying that he only did those things because he cared for me. After a while, because my family only wanted me to be happy, they bit their tongue and did not intervene in my choice. This boyfriend eventually became my husband and we had two beautiful children. What went wrong you ask? My then husband emotionally and verbally abused me. He also tried to keep me away from my family and friends because he knew that they saw through him (not giving me messages when my family called, intercepting and throwing out invitations that came in the mail for things that he did not want me to go to, etc). This ended in a bitter divorce, which has taken a toll on my two children.

    I know, you are NO WHERE near any of that at this point. However, you never know who you will meet in the next coming months or a year. In what I have read in your posts, you remind me so much of myself that it is scary. I also did not want to hurt anyone's feelings, etc. It is almost like I want to "warn" you about things that could happen. But then again, no one can predict the future. I just don't want anyone to have to suffer in the same ways that I suffered. Sorry for the long post.
    Mom of 2's Avatar
    Mom of 2 Posts: 449, Reputation: 90
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    #93

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:01 AM
    In my long post, I forgot to state what I thought about the Gospel situation. Ask him out to a movie, etc. You are not in a committed relationship with Divinci. If you feel bad about doing this, then there is something deep down inside that you are not acknowledging. Maybe you have stronger feelings for Divinci than you realize. Or, you could be so concerned about what other people will think about you that you find it difficult to make any decisions on your own (look up the term codependency). Find strength within yourself.
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #94

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:07 AM
    Mom,
    No need to apologize for the long post. It is much appreciated. I finally came to the same conclusion: the if you have to hide it from your family then it isn't worth it.

    Huno,
    What happened? Well I went on a two week vacation. Being apart from Divinci was not difficult for me. I actually missed Gospel more. And I haven't seen Gospel yet since returning from vacation. I made me think a bit. I feel like I really only liked Divinci because he was different then what I "knew" and because it was almost a rebellion. I hate feeling controlled by my parents. Nothing went sour. He still thinks everything is okay, mainly because when I'm with him I don't second guess myself, but when I am alone I do (a lot). My best friend had that problem. If you don't want to be with someone at all times, does that mean you might not really want to be with him? And since I can't really have a relationship with him and I am slightly uncomfortable out in public with Divinci, maybe I should end that relationship.
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #95

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:10 AM
    Mom,
    I posted as you posted your shorter post. I already do go out with Gospel to movies and lunch and dinner, etc. I feel like Gospel and I seem to be "dating"... whereas Divinci and I just meet in secret. I like that Gospel and I can just go out and I can tell my mom that I am going out with him. With Divinci, I don't feel like I can talk to my mom about him.

    EDIT: Divinci knows about the fact that Gospel and I go out. I don't hide that from him. But, also, the "dates" aren't technically "dates". But, I find myself wishing they were. I guess I just need that aspect of a relationship and I can't have that with Divinci. That also brings up the "settling" issue. I don't feel that Gospel would be settling. I think that I might have actually strayed away from him because he was exactly what I wanted. Maybe that scared me because it was too easy. Relationships have never been easy for me.
    Mom of 2's Avatar
    Mom of 2 Posts: 449, Reputation: 90
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    #96

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:17 AM
    Good for you. And good luck to you, too.
    Mom of 2's Avatar
    Mom of 2 Posts: 449, Reputation: 90
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    #97

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:22 AM
    Stargazer -

    Keep in mind that relationships are not easy for anyone. They are always hard work. Like you, I gave up a boyfriend in high school because it was too easy and he liked me "too much". Now, I wish that I would have stayed with him and maybe things would have been different. Oh, the shouldas, couldas, wouldas!! Why is that we women like challenges in relationships?
    huno's Avatar
    huno Posts: 336, Reputation: 75
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    #98

    Jul 24, 2007, 09:57 PM
    Hm... so are you saying then that you think you're falling for Gospel, and you think there's not much of a chance because everyone thinks you're going out with Divinci?

    Well, I would have two comments about that:

    1) I think you can still go out with Gospel, but if I were you I'd be a little slick about it. I think you should gradually start flirting with Gospel more and hanging out with Divinci less. The goal would be to take it slow. This will make things look more natural, and also deals with my 2nd comment:

    2) I get the feeling you're the type of girl who wants what she can't have. In other words, you wanted Divinci, and now you have him: now you can't have Gospel and suddenly you want him. Am I right? I correlate this to my first comment in the sense that, if during this "transition" you find yourself wanting to go back to Divinci, you give yourself some breathing room (as opposed to throwing yourself at Gospel 100%, in which case it would look weird if you suddenly fell for Divinci and wanted to go back to him again).

    And YES, I lament that women always go for the wrong guys... because I'm always the right guy that gets dropped for the losers. Someday, that'll change...

    Someday.
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    biggsie Posts: 1,267, Reputation: 125
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    #99

    Jul 24, 2007, 10:41 PM
    I think your confidence needs a boost, you need to feel good about being you...

    Overcoming Shyness

    This sight looks like some good stuff, please let me know what you think?

    Nice talking to you. Bye."
    stargazer10's Avatar
    stargazer10 Posts: 68, Reputation: 6
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    #100

    Jul 25, 2007, 11:51 PM
    Huno,

    Gospel moves in three weeks... there isn't time for "gradual" change... I introduced him to my brother and his girlfriend... they both love Gospel... and I really am excited about that because family is important to me and I feel like they should like who I date... Divinci is NOT the right guy for me... I don't know why I didn't go with Gospel the first time, but now I realize my mistake... relationships are always tricky for me... I think I was scared because I am always the one who gets dumped and it hurts to be dumped, but I guess I need to put that aside and take a chance... so GOSPEL is who I am going to go after because he is someone I CAN introduce to my family and I like him A LOT A LOT A LOT!. he's adorable and such a sweetheart...

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