[jbeukes]

I am relatively new to this. I am 22 yrs old. My half-sister's father has today been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer that has spread from the lungs to the brain. I am finding it difficult to research the Internet for answers as to what this exactly means. And I am really concerned about my sister who is really struggling at the moment. I need to know how to deal with the situation and how to handle her at the moment. Can anyone give me a site to look at or answer the otherwise answer these questions?Thank you for your responses...

[bushg]

Honey it means that he will die very soon, this is the end of his battle. Just be there for her. Let her know that you love her and are by her side, if she needs you. Good luck

[Ladyviper]

Hi JB,

I can understand your sister's emotions, as I went through this 2 years ago with my dad. It all happened so quick, we went to the doctor on February 28th, and by March 22nd he was gone. There really is nothing that you can physically do for her, all you can do it listen and let her cry. You can just talk to to her and let her say what she feels. I know she is probably a little shocked, hurt, scared, angry, and disappointed. That is the tip of the iceberg, but I know those were my first reactions. I know I was so confused about it all, and I really thought that cancer gave more of a warning.

I know for sure that I got really irritated with friends and family quickly. I got really tired of people telling me it would be okay, and telling me it was better that he didn't suffer. I also got tired if people looking at me with pity, and feeling sorry for me. I just wanted someone to talk to me and listen to all the things I was feeling. No one wanted to do that, because they couldn't handle it when I broke down. They just wanted to hug me and say it would be okay. I knew it would in my heart, but at the time that didn't help at all.

I took the month off to be with my dad in his final days, and for that I am very happy. We talked about it a little bit, and he told me it wouldn't be much longer for him. It hurt me to hear that, but I knew it was true. I was able to spend as much time with him as I could, and that helped me a lot. There is no magic answer for this, time is what will heal her. This is the adjustment period, when the time comes it will be much worse for her. Just let her say what she needs to say, and when she cries let her cry.

[CaptainRich]

My wife of twenty-eight years, has stage 4 lung cancer and it has spread to her bladder and liver. This is her second about with cancer (previously cervical-fought and nearly achieved remission)

"They" say this time six months to a year, maybe.. She's often very weak and frequently grumpy. Who can blame her... Ever heard of cisplatin? (sp) Very rough stuff!

Personally, I don't think there is a way to "deal" with it so much as finding a way to cope with it. Be supportive but don't smother. Learn what you can about this atrocity and about its treatment. That may provide enough for the person who's ill.

But, what about the "me" factor? I'm feeling as much depression now as I felt when my mother past away, taken too soon, by tuberculosis. I still find ways to go forward. One day at a time, just like I've heard.