[Annabelle95]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He's my best friend and the only guy I've ever loved. I'm pretty high-maintenance (and some might say immature) and when we first started dating, he won me over by doting on me and being very attentive with lots of phone calls, IMs, and e-mails, thoughtful little gifts, shopping trips, etc. Every time we were both online, he would be sure to send me an IM, even if he couldn't talk, just to tell me he loved me.

Now our relationship has stagnated a bit. He still treats me very well but never IMs me or e-mails me, never surprises me with gifts. We talk a couple of times a day and see each other a few times a week. Recently, we've been fighting about Instant Messenger. He works at a desk much of the day and is almost always signed on to his Instant Messenger. I guess I'm still stuck in our past and I always expect a sweet IM from him, but it never comes. I've talked to him about it and he always has an excuse. Every day, he gets on MySpace and God knows what else but can't find the time to send me ONE IM (because that's all I ask for, just so I can know he's thinking about me).

The thing is, I feel so strongly about this that we've fought about it the past several days. I'll wait for him to send me a message and he never does, so I finally IM him, usually with a pouty message. Then we have an argument where he makes excuses and I accuse him of not caring. I push the issue and push the issue and it drives him nuts and stresses him out. We're both miserable right now. I know I'm pushing him away, but I'm not having my needs met. He's not living up to the standards HE created in the beginning of the relationship.

I also keep demanding that he break up with me. I tell him I know I'm making him miserable and he should leave me. I don't think it's because I really want to break up. I just want him to chase me like he used to. I just want to feel WANTED.

Am I being ridiculous? Do I have unreasonable expectations? I know I'm probably being self-destructive in the way I'm going about this. How do I get what I need without making him miserable? I love him so much, he's an amazing guy, but I just don't feel very loved or even wanted right now.

[Jiser]

Yeh you are a little. Don't be so clingy, its not attractive or deseriable. Common get a life! After a while the honeymoon stage isn't there anymore, this is the key phase of the next stage of your relationship, so don't bugger it up with your insecurities. Why do you feel the need all of the time to hear from him? I think it's a bit unreasonable to expect that from someone, its unhealthy.

Give him space, and keep the tug of war rope tight and not slack. If you feel the need to allways message him then keep yourself busy, concentrate on other activities, go out and have a passion in life other than your boyfriend.

[Dani171986]

I don't think your being ridiculous, but maybe a little demanding. You have been together three years and you can't expect him to keep up the same behavior as he did in the beginning. It is wrong that he has time to go on myspace, but no time to IM you. But, why does he always have to IM you first. Why not try IM'ing him first with nice little messages as he used to do to you. It might encourage him to do it more often to you.
If you keep getting on at him with this issue, which isn't a major problem it might become one. This is because obviously guys don't like to feel as if they are being hassled. No offence intended; just giving my opinion.

[Cvtldy54]

I understand your frustration, but speaking from experience, relationships do change and things that were common in the beginning tend to diminish as times goes on... as in IM's, little gifts, etc. not to say they completely stop, but don't take this change too personally. Men tend to pile on the attention and affection in the beginning to wooo you in, once they have you, it gets less. But, I bet he does other thoughtful things for you, maybe even more than you notice and give credit for.

Nagging someone (and I bet this is how he perceives it) will only make the problem worse and after a while you can be rest assured it will never be resolved, even if he does want to start IMing you all the time again his male machoness will probably kick in and just for spite he won't. Guys don't like to be hounded and once you voice your concern if they don't change then I would drop it - that is in the case of not IMing you. That certainly doesn't seem like anything worthy of all that arguing... and if he is still in a relationship with you then obviously he WANTS to be there... so chill out :)

[supaed]

If you want to feel wanted, then do not act desperate. See how long you can go without contacting him. Don't reply straight away, it makes it too easy for him.

[stargazer10]

I agree with supaed... don't talk to him... and next time he asks to do something make sure you have something else to do but then suggest another day... this should make you seem less needy... just be PATIENT

[stargazer10]

However, if he doesn't call within a week you should call him because that's too long and he probably thinks that you are mad or not interested anymore.

[talaniman]

Am I being ridiculous? Do I have unreasonable expectations? I know I'm probably being self-destructive in the way I'm going about this. How do I get what I need without making him miserable? I love him so much, he's an amazing guy, but I just don't feel very loved or even wanted right now.

After 3 years you should know each other well enough to talk to each other and resolve your issues. I think your both a little unreasonable in your demands and meeting each others needs. If you can't discuss and talk on a level of respect, then you have to work it out between you.

[narutofan67]

Ok don't tell him to break up with you or he probably will one of these days and yes you are being ridiculous, my girlfriend doesn't I'm me much anymore but I still know she loves me and I've only been with her for a month today. Just because he doesn't I'm much anymore doesn't mean he doesn't love you it probably just means he is busy.

[Sunshine2]

I agree. When you first meet someone, they are usually showing you their best side. After time, they reveal more of themselves to you and start to get comfortable. It sounds like you are looking for the "rush" of being pursued. There are other ways of getting that rush though, try doing some things for yourself. Go for a walk alone, read a book, have a girls night out. It is not fair to put so much prseeure on your boyfriend for something that he cannot fill. You have to fill that yourself. You guys are still two people and it is OK to have separate lives too.

[Matt3046]

Wow. Wish some one cared that much. He is lucky.