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funkyscooby · Jun 4, 2007, 04:07 PM

We just recently got the divorce final my I got custody and she is suppose to have visitation every other weekend she will pick her up Friday and drop her off Saturday. She was suppose to take her for the whole month of June and July but said she cannot because she has no one to watch her. She also refuses to pay child support. What can be done to either get her to pay child support and have her visitation dropped down.

Fr_Chuck · Jun 4, 2007, 04:16 PM

1. visitation is not connected to child support, period, she is not paying for the visitiation. Each are separate issues of a court order. You can not ( or at least should not) violate her rights, just because she is violating you. That may only end up with you being found in contempt of court also.

What you have to do if she is not paying, take her back to court, and try to have her found in contempt of court. Ask the court to set up a garnishment of her pay if possible in your state. If your state has child enforcement agency contact them also.

funkyscooby · Jun 4, 2007, 05:28 PM

I know visitation is not connected to child support. I Was wanting to know if there was anything that can be done for her not taking her?

Fr_Chuck · Jun 4, 2007, 05:59 PM

No, you can't force her to use or take her visitation either,

shygrneyzs · Jun 4, 2007, 06:31 PM

Fr. Chuck is right. You cannot enforce the child visitation guidelines. Even though it is written in the divorce decree, going after her will not get you what you want.

Think of it - if she says no, she cannot have your daughter for the visitation and let's say you could enforce this visitation, what kind of treatment do you expect your daughter to receive? I had to answer that question when my ex refused to honor the visitation guidelines. It is not worth the fight or the argument. It puts your child into a possibly negative situation.

funkyscooby · Jun 4, 2007, 06:46 PM

The thing is I don't want her over there anyway. I guess what I am trying to say is how hard and what would need to be done to get her visitation in the papers to just what she sees her now.

1badchoice · Jun 4, 2007, 06:49 PM

Unfortunately, Fr._Chuck is right. Visitation and child support are not related. It's like relating your child's healthcare to his/her educational needs. One does not always affect the other. I too have been in a similar situation. The problem is... the custodial parent cannot enforce the visitation. You cannot make the other parent take the child. I would advise you to keep track of all visitations, including the ones she neglects. This is simply so she cannot at some point try and say she doesn't get her visitation. Have had that happen as well. Hard to prove a negative (her not exercising visitation). As for the child support... follow through. Go to an attorney, child support enforcement, etc. Keep very detailed records. As my ex husband used to say... her choice not to take the child is the price of being the custodial parent. I wish you luck. And also want to say... being a single parent is hard for either a mother or a father. Be proud that you are taking care of your child and being a responsible parent. Cathy

shygrneyzs · Jun 4, 2007, 06:51 PM

Go back to your attorney. I personally do not see how it can be done. But anything is possible? Maybe? Perhaps if your attorney petitioned the court for a revision in the guidelines, with supporting documentation, things might change. What can you lose? Just some money for the attorney. At least ask. See if it is even a possibility.

Good luck.

Mom of 2 · Jun 5, 2007, 08:52 AM

I agree with the other posts. Document everything!! You need to protect yourself if she tries to turn around and say that you are preventing her from seeing your daughter. If you can, get her to admit that she has refused visitation herself through email. Send her a message saying, "Based on the visitation schedule in the divorce decree, we agreed for you to have _________ this Friday from ________ to ________ and the entire month of July. Please confirm this arrangement." Make sure that whatever you put in the email is the exact statement in the decree. That way you are showing that you are trying to follow the decree to the letter. Even if she does not confirm this, you can at least show through the emails that you were trying to honor her visitation. If she does not exercise it, there is nothing that you can do about it. She will just be ruining her own relationship with your daughter. Again, anytime that there is any kind of discussion about visitation or anything relating to your daughter, get it in writing/email. This will prevent her from saying that certain discussions never took place.

Hope this helps!!

vlee · Jun 5, 2007, 10:42 AM

You have primary custody by the sounds of it... unless your ex neglects or abuses your child when she has her, you would be wasting your time to even attempt to diminish her visitation rights. A judge will take one glance at the amount of time you have vs. mom, see no evidence of neglect or abuse, and likely determine you are not motivated by the best interests of the child, but rather trying to punish your ex-wife using your daughter. She has a right to visit with her daughter for whatever lengths and times are listed on your custody order, a right, not an obligation. If she chooses not to exercise her visitation exactly as it is written there is nothing you can do about it, and you can't withhold your daughter from her mother when she chooses to exercise visitation.

Stay calm, leave it alone and realize that your daughter will come to see that her mom can't be counted on. Every time your ex wife fails to show up take advantage and swoop in like a hero. Don't badmouth her to your daughter and don't make excuses for her either, but rather distract your daughter. Play a game, read a book, horse around. When your daughter looks back in her memory she will realize that every single time her mom let her down her dad was there to pick her up. That is a reward no court can give you. It may be unfair but it kind of works like this, the worse the other parent, the better you have to be.

Allenph2005 · Feb 26, 2009, 09:49 AM

I have a similar situation! My ex wife has not paid me a dime for child support for 7 years. Though I have never violated her visitation right, for the past couple years, she rarely visit my son and her mother (my son's grandma, my ex mother in law), instead come to pick up my son. My ex wife did not even take my son (8 year old) out for Mother's Day for years.

Last year, she moved back to her country. My ex mother in law continues to visit my son. When my son stayed with her, he did not go to bed till mid-night, so it is hard for him to adjust to the normal hour during school days and he is late for school some time. Actually, the grandma suppose to take my son back on Saturday night, but she always give me an excuse said; he played with the other kids till 11:00 pm and he is sleeping right now, so I need to take him back tomorrow. I finally insist that my son need to be home before 10:00pm Saturday night. Now, my son think I am too strict and the grandma treat him better. The grandma is the one who keeps creating conflicts and making my son misunderstanding me. Sometimes, without my consent, she even came to my house to see my son.

Last week, my son had fever while staying with her and she called me she couldn’t handle it, so I went to her house to pick up my son and the next morning at 6:30 am, without my consent she came to my house and looks through the window while we are sleeping. Then, the next day, while the outdoor temperature is 38 degree and my son was having fever of 102 degree and she even took my son out without my consent.

I am tired of dealing with my ex mother in law. Is there a way to keep her away from my son and from my house? Of course, there is no contract between us.