[deedee06]

I am 18, very shy. When I try not to be shy, I just sound like a babbling idiot. I want to be able to go up and talk to a random person and have a conversation with them. I have no trouble having conversations over the phone or online... makes no sense. I feel really lonely, am a little self-conscious, and would like to start dating (I haven't really yet... only like a few two week relationships in high school... hardly real lol). Do you have any suggestions on how to come out of my shell and act calm and collected and not like an idiot?

[brandy681]

You really have to get a job working with a lot of people.. Like possibly a waitress job or another job where you can work around a lot of customers and workers and you will come out of your shell slowly but in order to really come out you will have to really do something different. Like stand on a stage and sing, like Kareoke or for talk solo at church in front of a big crowd. You will have to MAKE yourself do this and do it more and more, you will eventually get used to you each and every time and you will no longer become shy. Do you ever have to stand up for speeches at school in front of the class? I have to say that I was like you for a while and this is why. I got out of school and I didn't have a job, I stayed home all of the time and I wouldn't do much in public accept for shopping, etc. I really didn't like to talk to strangers from being so shy and when someone would compliment me I would blush like crazy. You can't live like that, you have to be out a lot and you have to work and you will basically get used to your co-workers and then you will talk to your customers and then you will eventually come out of your shell some and more and more as you work. This will help a lot but you still maybe somewhat shy after all of this and if you are you will need to force yourself to get over it by speaking in front of a lot of people and looking into there eyes. The first time I did this in front of about 100 people I forgot my words and freaked out but I pulled myself together and played it cool and no one even knew it but eventually after a bunch of times I got used to it. I am not sure if you are shy because you stay at home all of the time or for what ever reason but I really wish you luck in growing out of this stage because it will NOT just go away on it's on and it will get worse as you get older. I used to think when I was 10 and even 15 years old that I was shy because I was young but then when I hit 22 and I was even more shy than I realized that I had to change.

[deedee06]

I actually am a waitress. I am okay with talking to people I work with and to customers, but for some reason (like in school) I can just talk to someone. I have a hard time talking to people who I see as the popular crowd or to really cute guys. I don't know why either. I think maybe its because I was made fun of a lot by the "popular" people when I was in elementary and middle school. Not so much in high school to my face and I really don't think people said anything about me in high school, but in my mind they probably did. I guess I took the crap people said to personally and it really affects me now. It takes a long time for me to make friends. I really don't know how to make friends honestly. I'm surprised I even have some friends. Ugh! I sound like a hermit, but I'm really not. I am best friends with my brother and his girlfriend (but I am only really friends with his girlfriend because he is dating her). And when I'm hanging out with my other friends and lets say like someone they know (but I don't know) comes up and talks to them, I don't say a word and feel really awkward.

[chris_in_orbit]

Okay, take a deep breath and start thinking positively. Realize that your not the only one whose had this problem (that helped me a lot when I was going through my shy phase.) Whenever a person is feeling shy or thinks they can't talk to someone it is usually because of an inferior complex, and I can tell by your statement that the people you have a hard time talking to are popular people and cute guys, all people you either think are above you or people you don't think you are worthy of talking to.
No one is better than anyone else, realize that you're a good person and you have a lot of things going for you and that you deserve friends and deserve to be talked to. It'll be really hard for you to make more friends and come out of your shell until you can let those things people said to you go and allow yourself to be who you are!
Also another problem I had that you might have is that if you put yourself out there more people will be talking about you and sometimes for bad things. I was afraid of this at first but just realize that there will always be people who are going to misjudge you or just plain not like you. Don't worry about those things and think more about the positive things. I hope what I said helps.

[rockstar567]

I am 18, very shy. When I try not to be shy, I just sound like a babbling idiot. I want to be able to go up and talk to a random person and have a conversation with them. I have no trouble having conversations over the phone or online... makes no sense. I feel really lonely, am a little self-conscious, and would like to start dating (I haven't really yet... only like a few two week relationships in high school... hardly real lol). Do you have any suggestions on how to come out of my shell and act calm and collected and not like an idiot?

i`m 13 almost 14. i am veryy shy. i`m able to talk online. on the phone i get a little shy. but i want 2 become an actress/singer/dancer & i have made myself not be shy. but just forcing myself to just go up to my friends & just be myself EVEN IN SKEWL..lol.
we all act crazyy & funny. i am now not shyyy...
im able to sing infront of strangers..& my friends & family.
& still hard to talk on the phone
but able tot alk in personnnnn & hang ou
how long have u been shy for?

[brandy681]

You can be shy forever if you let yourself be... You have to work at not being shy, I know people that have been shy when they were 11 years old and though that they would grow out of it but here they are 35 years old and super shy. You will get over it when you take on jobs and different things that involve a bunch of different people, etc but still this does not guarantee that you will get over your shyness. You have to really work at it!



What you are going through is pretty common but if you want to become an actress you CANNOT be shy at all. You need to take a few steps at a time. Get a job like working as a waitress or working with a lot of people. Talk in front of a large or crowd. The first time I did this I forgot my words that I had memorized and I felt hot all over and was so so nervous. If you don't want to be shy anymore it is going to be painful but you have to force yourself to do things like speak in front of a large crowd like at church etc or do volunteer work and it will take time, month or years but you have to do this. It is best to do it when you are very young because if you wait it will be harder to come out of your shell. ALL of this being said if you want to be an actress, etc you will have to work hard, very hard starting now and it will be super difficult.

You can also go to acting classes and shell out some money to do this but they CAN help you to not become shy anymore and you have to really work at it and get used to it. Some people never get over there shyness. Look at some singers on AMERICAN IDOL they are a little shy and they have to do it and they said that the fear and shyness is always there some! That being said again and they are used to it it will be EXTREMELY dificult for you. I think that you can do it if you work hard at it and go to acting classes, etc. Acting is another hard proffession which may seem easy but it is harder than it looks, most people want even look at you if you haven't been to so many years worth of acting classes. Even after acting classes you will have to take on small roles like plays on stage etc and then build up to small lines on a movie or show and then big lines on a movie or show but it can take years to actually become known in the acting field and famous. You will have to come out of your shyness totally if you want to even consider being a small actress, must less a known famous actress which can take years!

Good Luck!

[wickedimp]

My advice would be to feel the fear and do it anyway. If it's a worry about being accepted by other people that causes you to clam up then remember "Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." In any situation the worst thing that can happen is that you make a fool of yourself, welcome to the human race, we all make mistakes or act like an idiot from time to time, don't worry about it... be the person you are without compromise and you will attract people who genuinely like you for who you are... That will confirm to you that there is nothing wrong with chatting like a lunatic when you're nervous and in time that will abate. Good luck!

[excon]

Hello d:

Join "Toastmasters". They'll bring you out, and it's fun too.

excon

[Fr_Chuck]

Exon is right on, or if you get into college take some public speaking classes. It is impossible for anyone that did not know me in high school to ever believe I was quiet or shy, but when I started working in pubic, it changed my life completely but I also took speaking and debating classes that helped a lot.

And latter out of high school I say all those "popular" people end up getting divorced 3 times, getting fat, or the star quarter back end up working the rest of his life at his dads gas station, or the head cheer leader, getting married to the man working at the factory and having 3 kids, and guess what being popular in high school may be something in high school, but in real life it means nothing, Most of the popular people are acutlaly just jerks that you are really better not having much to do with anyway.

[nya]

Hi,

First of all, don't go up to random people and talk to them out of the blue, they will think you are strange. If you have something to say to someone, just say it. When I'm walking down the street and I see a woman with a nice shirt on, I just say, I like your shirt, and I say with a smile because I'm usually impressed and they always smile back and say thank you. My speech class in college really forced me to speak in public (which I hate) but if I wanted a good grade, I had to do the exercises. I made an A in that class. I just made it fun. I put jokes in the stories or speeches. The best way to interact with people is to not be so serious.

I was extremely shy until I started high school. I'm a twin and my twin sister was very outspoken and popular. I was so shy, I hardly made friends. But when I got to high school one day, I missed taking the bus with my sister and my whole world almost came crashing down and I almost did nothing without her being there or leading the way. I caught my breath and I said to myself YOU CAN DO THIS! I walked to the bus stop and I almost died, the bus came, I paid and sat down. I took such a deep breath and looked around and said to myself, I did this! I was so proud of myself. I broke out of my shyness that day and started taking charge of my own life. I protested a test in high school that I didn't agree with and I joined clubs at school that my sister was not involved in. I'm 32 now and no one ever knows that I once suffered from extreme shyness.