[kazzz]

I'm fed up with feeling like this and it seem no matter how hard I try I just don't feel any better. I'm not suicidal I just want all this pain to go away so bad.I want an end to it and be happy again without feeling guilty. I want just one good nights sleep without my mind racing all over the place, without waking up crying.one day of not thinking about every think and feeling so down, and giving myself a head ache. I'm doing my own head in.

[J_9]

Yes, sweetie, I was the one who helped you through your addiction thread. And, well, I will never say I told you so, because I never thought this would happen, but this is a terrible terrible side of addiction that some people do have to endure. I know, as my uncle was a substance abuser and also took his life by his own hand.

Hun, you will have the "what ifs" and the "maybes" for most of the rest of your life. But you know, there is no answer to those questions. Those questions are also part of the grieving process.

You have to know that there was nothing you could have done to change what would have happened. Nothing, NOTHING. This can be the nature of the beast that is called addiction.

Yes, I believe in the soul. I believe that they are looking down on us, taking care of us.

You see, at my father's visitation, we laughed and laughed. We made jokes, we had FUN. Why? Because my father would have wanted it that way. You see his nickname was Joker. We believe he was looking down on us putting words (jokes if you will) in our mouths. It's a little hard to explain in writing, but in person it is hilarious.

Just know that your man is no longer suffering. He is no longer craving the drug, he is no longer dying slowly and painfully.

We all heal, we all get over it. In our own time and in our own way. If you feel that you are having a hard time, please get into a grief support group. They are so very helpful in our time of need.

[kazzz]

Sorry for your lose,my step dad passed away 4 year ago, but I wasn't that close with him and didn't cause me any pain when he went. I do know he's not suffering now, and he is resting. And he is with is nan(super gran) he called her. He should be here though. By visitation do you mean wake. If so I haven't really had one, I was only allowed to stand at the back, not talk to any one and leave straight after the service, I'm glad they allowed me to say good bye. His two sons kept looking at me, and its as if they were looking for there dad.
I always talk about him, I share a tear and laugh sometimes with my mum and brother about him. The thing I'm finding the most difficult is knowing I'm never goona see him, hear him smell him, look into his eyes,run my fingers through his hair,give him a back rub,bite his bum (lol).sorry rambling a bit.

[kazzz]

It takes a minute to find a special person,
An hour to appreciate them,
A day to love them,
And an entire life time to forget them.
Never forgotten

[kazzz]

People keeps saying he is at peace now, not in pain anymore, and in a better place, well if its so much better on the other side, what the hell we all still doing here?

[J_9]

Kazz, I understand your mourning, I really do as my father has only been gone a week now, and buried less than that. So I really do understand grief.

With that said, with all of the things that happened between you two before his death, with his addiction and so on, I really think you would benefit from some professional counseling. More than we can give here. We have suggested grief support groups. Have you checked any out yet?

It really would benefit you to talk to others who have been in the same place you are in.

[kazzz]

Yeah have got appointment on 23rd with a counseller, just feel as if we are all contradicting ourselves, its just that I don't understand when people say there in a better place now, because surely if that was true and not just somethink people say then we are all stupid for staying in this world with all this pain, not just the pain I'm feeling at mo, but all the poverty, racism, rapes, drugs etc. so yeah they are in a better place in that sense, why don't we all go there and be with the one we miss the most. And why is it those that we will miss the most that die.

[J_9]

We miss the ones that die the most because we know that we will not see them again. Totally different from breaking off a relationship and knowing that we may run into them on the street, we can't pick up the phone and make a call, etc. It is permanent.

Now the "why dont we all go there and be with the one we miss the most" is depression and grief talking. It is a thought you need to try to get out of your mind. You know it is an irrational thought.

You need to focus on the good things, stop focusing on the bad. Upon my father's death, we laughed, we celebrated his life, the good things, the happy thoughts. Yes, we were sad he was gone. And yes, he was less than perfect. But it is the good memories we want to cherish, the happier days. I know he would not have wanted us to cry and to linger in self-pity and doubt.

What about your ex? How would he want you to feel right now?

[kazzz]

Me again, I keep pretenting I'm OK because if my family,I know it hurts them to see me cry,
But deep down I'm dying, I pray every night to die, but I don't reallywant to die,I just wantevery think to be OK.but its never going to be OK, I just want this heartache to stop, I'm doing my own head in, I sit there and talk to myself, then I get angry with myself for crying and talking to myself, I'm sending myself loony, I'm just so sad,

[J_9]

Where are you from?

[kazzz]

England, but before you say anythink,I'm on anti-depressants, got councilling,and all that, but it isn't doing any good, I'm trying to ride it out,hopeing I feel beta, but I still can't help the feelings of wishing to die, I know I shouldn't,

[J_9]

Contact your local suicide prevention hotline. Do you want to do to your loved ones what your boyfriend did to you? I don't think so.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

[kazzz]

Thanks but I ave seen the devastation left behind so no I don't, I have no intention of killing myself, but that don't mean I can't wish with all my might that today will be the day god sees my pain and takes aaway from it all, I just can't seem to do anythink positive to make me feel beta,deep down I don't want to die, but I don't want to feel like this either and nothink I do makes me feel any beta.

[J_9]

Kazzz, what I am going to say here sounds very cruel, but having been through the suicide of many close friends, including an uncle, as well as grieving the loss of my father (who was a depressed person) myself...

Sometimes we have to suck it up. We have to get over it. If we can't we need to seek the help of professionals who can help us. Yes, you are seeing professionals, and that is great, but grief support groups are wonderful too.

I realize you are coming here for help, and that is great. But we can't give you, through the monitor, what others can give you in person.

You know, I lost my father almost exactly 2 weeks after you lost your friend.

Through all of my experience I have learned that we have to pull ourselves up by our bootstraps and get on with life. No one ever said life was easy. There is no instruction manual. But we have to grieve our losse. Say goodbye... suck up the pain and move on.

You know, I talk to my Dad nightly... that is what gets me through the next day. I tell him about my day... Discuss my dilemmas, etc... But I am up and at them the next morning. Ready to face the day, with a new perspective.

Now, I am going to say something that might hurt, but it has to be said, one way or the other...

Stop talking about suicide unless you are prepared to do it. Ever heard the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf?

Make a contract with your parents, loved ones, etc. That you will not take your life by your own hand...

Concentrate on the good things in life.

Like you I cry every day, I want my Daddy back. But you know what... we can't have that... Life today is what it is. So I focus on the good things knowing I can't change the bad. I make a diligent choice every day to focus on the good... the happy. Yeah, it's hard, but I have to do it. No matter how much I hate it, no matter how hard it is... I do it.

You can too!!

[xxstephaniescourfieldxx]

my ex fiance hung himself friday,we were still in a bit of contact, coz he was on cociane.
i dont know what to do. i found him and what i saw is haunting me,i can't close my eyes coz i see him just hanging there.i know i shouldnt blame my self but i was the last one to see him alive,i tried my hardest to save him. i got him down as fast as i could,i gave cpr,but it just wasnt enough.

It brought tears to my eyes and I real feel for you I don't no what id do if my fiancé hung himself just think atlest you weren't still with him because it would have affected you more . I no its have ov affected you a lot more I no its hard but he is ina better place believe me try to go to the doctor or coulsilling to help you

[kazzz]

Don't want to die but don't want to live either, so what to do. Blar blar blar
Who really gives a sh... any ways.

[J_9]

You know, that attitude is not really necessary. If we didn't give a sh.. there wouldn't be as many answers as you have. There wouldn't be the help that you have gotten here.

Now it is time to get yourself some professional help. We can't do that here.

So, unless you are ready and willing for help, I will be unsubscribing from this post.

I understand you are grieving, he! I am too. My father died one month ago today, but do you see me throwing a pity party? No, you don't.

We have to get on with life. Yeah, it's hard, but anything that is hard is worth accomplishing.