[sarahmine]

I am 39 years old, divorced, and have 3 teenage children 14-18. I have had a difficult time regulating my periods on the pill. Recently the doctor changed my pill to a lower dosage. I have continued to spot and bleed in between. THis month I needed to start taking a new pack of pills and had not started my period. I found out I was about 10 days pregnant. THe man I am dating is 45 and we have established families. I have strong values and never thought I would be faced with these choices. Marriage is not an option due to his infidelity I found out about the same time I found out about the pregnancy. I am highly educated and have been offered a job that would allow me to send my oldest that just graduated to college. I will not be able to take the job with this child. Also, I currently have been working 2 jobs to make it for the past 3 years. I am struggling with I know the blessings of children, yet I don't know if I can make it and give this child and my 3 children all they need. I need some support and don't know where to turn. I don't have any family to help with the child and I can't afford the child care. THe father wants me to have an abortion. I can see the logics. I am so confused and don't know where to turn.
I am now 7-8 weeks pregnant.
HELP with some sound advice. I would appreciate it.

[startover22]

Only my opinion
NO one, NO job, NO college, No embarrassment will ever push me in the direction for an abortion. All of these reasons are selfish. Killing a baby is an easy way out. You made these choices so now you have to live with them. Adoption all the way! If I were in your position I would take responsibility for my actions! I am very sorry that you have to go through this but killing a baby is not the answer. I definitely think there are real reason for getting an abortion, but this is not one of them. So whatever the father thinks is logical, I think it is not logical at all to have an abortion! That is only my opinion.

[JoeCanada76]

I agree with the above. Adoption is the only option. Why punish and kill a baby for things that are none of their fault. They have a chanch of having a good life depending on the choices you make as a parent. Make that choice to give this child and chanch at life.

Oh and by the way, just to let you know the first time my wife got pregnant. We had a miscarriage between the 7 and 8 week mark. Before this time the ultrasound picked up a heartbeat and could see the baby moving.

It was heartbreaking especially the people telling us that it is not really considered a loss. Some even seemed shocked to know that the heart was beating and could be picked up by an ultrasound at 5 weeks and up.

Just think about that before you make your decision.

Joe

[Myth]

This is your decision alone and only you will have to deal with it. As far as not having family around to help... You have teens. Yes they have a life, but they're your kids too. They should possible know. I don't know how close you and your children are but you could ask in a round about way about having another kid in the house. By the time your 14yr old is ready to graduate this baby would be starting kindergarten... You don't have to tell your new job your pregnant. Typically women don't "announce it" until after the three month mark. As far as the father goes don't put him on the birth cert and that shouldn't be a problem... unless you want child support, which would help with the daycare. It was his infedlity that caused it to happen in the first place. Everything happens for a reason. I think you could keep this child and still be able to provide for your family. I hope that our answers help you. Or at least point out something's that you may not have thought yourself. If you need to ask more or need to vent we're hear to listen.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, you have three automatic baby sitters for after school times.

And often we can adjust a budget to find room for many things.

And adoption is also the option to look at if you do not wish to keep the child. Would you consider killing one of your teenages if you can't afford them? No, then why consider killing this new child coming into your life.

[jillianleab]

Very often people struggle with a decision but are really leaning one way or the other; they are simply looking for someone to probe them in the right direction. No one here can tell you what to do; no one here has to live your life!

So sit down and really ask yourself, which option turns your stomach the most? Does the thought of abortion make you sick? If so, that's probably not the route you should take. Does the thought of adoption do the same thing? What about keeping the child? Yes it's hard (you have three - you know!), but ask yourself if it is possible. If you think it is possible, and you are comfortable with that decision, then your choice is made.

Whatever you decide, make sure it is what you really want. The decision you make cannot be reversed (abortion is only possible to a certain point in pregnancy, for example, and obviously, it's not reversible). Good luck, because no matter what choice you make, it's not going to be easy.

[shygrneyzs]

There are always things we do not know. We are tested and in your case, with an incredible situation. What should be a blessed event is one filled with anxiety and mixed emotions. You say you would not be able to take the new job if you continue the pregnancy. Why is that? You say you have no help, are your teenagers unwilling to be a part of this new life? Do they turn away from you now? This guy, the baby's Father, he is up for child support for the next 18+ years. With child support you can afford day care and other costs. Of course he is going to pressure you to have an abortion. That wipes his slate clean. But it does not wipe your conscience clean.

You are now 7-8 weeks pregnant. Have you considered the adoption option? If you are seriously considering the abortion route, then you need to make that decision soon. I do not seriously believe you can terminate that baby's life. Pro-abortion advocates will say that the life you are carrying is not really a baby, they call it a fetus, as if that takes away the sanctity of that life.

You can only do what is right in your heart. Consult your doctor and discuss all this with him/her. You will need to take extra good care of yourself. The stress of the two jobs and pressures from home and this boyfriend are not what you need to carry on your shoulders. Whatever decision you make, pray about it first, then listen and trust that the Lord will work this through on your behalf.

[sarahmine]

Hello,

THis is sarahmine. The question you have answered. Thank you. Yes, I am still struggling, but through a lot of good friends and wonderful children, we are deciding to go through with the baby. I am so scared. The father is getting really angry. Reseaching I found that I cannot make him sign off his rights to this child. What scares me is down the road, will he want to see this child. I have not seen the man in 3 weeks, however he texts me daily and wants me to discuss this and be open minded. He is a great manipulator. There is many things to say about this person; however, I feel he preyed on insecurities. Not only does he cheat there is more than one. I also just found out that my daughter's best friend age 17 said he kissed her recently and it has been reported to the police and nothing was resolved with that. SO, I am a little afraid of what might happen. I am going to stay in my current job as a teacher and pray financially we will figure it out. I know I have a master's degree and the job I am going to decline is a principal position I have wanted for a long time. I hope the blessings will come to our family and we will be okay. Time will tell. Thank you, all of you for the support. Don't think horrible of me for asking the question. I have felt so alone.

Sarah

[babieface85]

The thoughts you have are totally normal. I wanted my pregnancy and I still struggled with the after shock (I was not expecting I would get pregnant). I had made plans for the next year and with a baby I knew some plans would not be possible. I never considered abortion or adoption but parts of me still had to come at peace with having a child. The only advice I can give you is you may end up having a better life then the one you planned for by accepting the blessings life gives you. I consider your decision noble.

[startover22]

babieface85, you just hit it right on the button for me! It has been better than I could ever imagined it would be with my four babies. She can do it! Good post babieface!