[ladyblu]

I have a young child from a past relationship. I had the child in Texas and a child support/custody order was created before we moved. This order gave me primary physical custody and shared legal custody with the father. I then relocated to Arizona and they are handling my support order. Now I reside in Pennsylvania and it is for all legal purposes considered my son's home state.

Recently the father has claimed he will not be a part of our son's life at this time. I don't know if this is temporary on his part or if he is serious. He will not have any interaction with me or our child, so I am taking his word for what it is.

He rarely visited our and the few visits he has had were almost forced. I have been very accommodating with making visits available outside of our defined visitation schedule, but that doesn't matter.

It has been eight months since he has seen our child and he just canceled his upcoming visit next month in accordance with his decision to not be a part of our son's life.

In addition to monthly child support he is required to also provide medical insurance for our son.

Due to issues that needed to be resolved, I avoided transferring my child support case to Pennsylvania until those matters have been worked out. I didn't want anything making that switch any more complicated since there will be a lapse involved already between support payments once Arizona closes their case and Pennsylvania opens theirs.

I would like to have our order modified, but he has suddenly fallen off the planet. He is purposely ignoring any communication, including to making his request not to be in our son's life a legal one. I think he is all words, but I want this taken care of once and for all so my son and I no longer have to deal with his father's antics.

In the meantime a formal letter and Agreement for Order of Custody outlining these modifications from our original agreement is being sent to him. I am hoping he will sign it and I can have it filed in the courts, but somehow I don't think he will cooperate.

Is there a way to modify an order when the other parent is not cooperative? Is there a such thing as abandonment that can force a judge to grant sole custody to a parent when the other party is not complying with the original order?

I also don't want him to be spiteful and file something in his state since the order was originally filed there, although our son has resided here for a year now. Can he?

I want to avoid any future headaches shared custody can have. For starters, I am legally bound to giving him our whereabouts, but he will not comply. I plan to get my son insured, but it will flag providers that another insurance is available for our son. This will become a nightmare, because his father does not provide updated insurance cards, etc. I want to just cut him out altogether. I am willing to financially cut his child support obligations as a result. I just want him out of the picture if that's where he wants to be. It's not fair to our son for him to leave the door open to come through when he feels like it and to leave just the same.

He is the type that will find some way to come after me if he finds out our son broke his arm, God forbid, and didn't notify him properly. But if I can't reach him, how can I tell him? Yet, I am legally obligated to do these things as a shared custody party.

I am trying to avoid the expense of a lawyer and I did see one a few months ago (where the information was given on this Agreement I recently sent).

Where and what do I file for? How can I make his hold over our son as a custodial parent end when he already said he doesn't want to be there (but isn't willing to change it legally)?

Thank you.

[LadyB]

I would call your state's Child Support Enforcement office for advice and options.

[tawnynkids]

Your states Child Support Enforcement does not handle custody or modification. They handle child support only. You must file for modification in the Court where the Court order currently is. Example: you originally filed in Texas, you moved to Arizona and petitioned that Court to obtain Jurisdiction , you moved to Pennsylvania... you would have to file in Arizona. So, if you have never petitioned for another state to obtain jurisdiction you must file in the state with Jurisdiction.

You do not have to prove abandonment to ask for sole legal and physical custody. Because dad has been involved, even on a crappy level, chances are you wouldn't have cause (yet). Every state has it's own criteria for an abandonment though and you will need to seek counsel to find out if your case qualifies specifically.

I am sorry but you can not do this without a lawyer, well of course you can, but I absolutely would not. I have been to court a few times myself and there are just things that really need a lawyer. Custody, contested modification and proving abandonment to terminate a parents rights really need a lawyer.

[Greg Quinn]

Your states Child Support Enforcement does not handle custody or modification. They handle child support only. You must file for modification in the Court where the Court order currently is. Example: you originally filed in Texas, you moved to Arizona and petitioned that Court to obtain Jurisdiction , you moved to Pennsylvania...you would have to file in Arizona. So, if you have never petitioned for another state to obtain jurisdiction you must file in the state with Jurisdiction.

You do not have to prove abandonment to ask for sole legal and physical custody. Because dad has been involved, even on a crappy level, chances are you wouldn't have cause (yet). Every state has it's own criteria for an abandonment though and you will need to seek counsel to find out if your case qualifies specifically.

I am sorry but you can not do this without a lawyer, well of course you can, but I absolutely would not. I have been to court a few times myself and there are just things that really need a lawyer. Custody, contested modification and proving abandonment to terminate a parents rights really need a lawyer.

But there are always two sides to every story... Is the father confused and in distress? Is he suffering from depression, anxiety? Is he affected by you moving and just can't deal with it now? Is he a good father when things are on the up? In all fairness if any of these were the case and if he were to fix these problems, I would hate to see what can happen when he may really seek help... or totally change his mind for good. Children have a very special bond with blood and when a parent gets that sole power it can be used in ways they never thought were possible that they could use them. Being witness to just that... I hope you are really careful with what decisions you make when you get this granted. Remember people can change and with a child that is something to keep a keen eye on. From what you have told me, he is either suffering from a mental dis-order or is incredibly selfish. He is making decisions I could never make and it "to me" is ODD! To say the least. You will eventually receive the revised order. Just don't write him off forever just yet. Remember I don't know how old he is, he may be immature. Good luck

[ladyblu]

I don't plan to "totally" write him off, but for all legal and parental purposes, that time is over. He can't keep bouncing around between the two. When he was a father, he was pushed into those actions. I intend to always leave the door open for my son to have contact with him in case he ever chooses to straighten up, but that will remain a question only God knows the answer on.

As for the order, Texas is the only state with ties to the custody matter since the order was created there under the knowledge of me relocating. So it did imply in the order the interstate matter. I just found out through our Domestic Relations that although they don't handle custody orders, I should register my existing order with the Prothonotary so the county can have more authority to enforce it (although the lawyer I did speak with didn't suggest that. He did say since my son has lived here for more than six months, this is his home state).

Was that what you meant about filing for jurisdiction? By registering the case here?

And GQ, the father is simply doing this because he's immature and doesn't like me. I can't wait for someone to do what he needs to do for his child while he is in a state of tantrum.

[tawnynkids]

Domestic Relations handles the child support aspect only, they do not handle custody matters. The Court orders support and you take that order to Domestic Relations for enforcement of that child support amount.

The Prothonotary is the Clerk of the Court so in essence yes, they are telling you that you need to register/change jurisdiction to the county you are in, which is considered the child's county of residence, but the Court has to be assigned jurisdiction before it can rule on any existing orders. Then you would need to file for any modification through that Court.

Does that help?

[GV70]

Before 1981, divorcing parents could file different custody suits in the courts of each of the 50 states. If one parent was unhappy with a judge's ruling in one state, that parent could take the children to another state and start over. It was fairly common for the same two parents to sue each other for custody of the same children in three or four states.

It happened often enough that in the late 70's the states got together and created one law called the Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act (UCCJA). It says that the courts of only one state have authority to decide each family's custody dispute, and the courts of all the other states must recognize and enforce that one state's court orders. The UCCJA is not a federal law. It is an example of the states working together.

[ladyblu]

Thank you all.

What do I need to legally change jurisdiction through the court? Other than taking a certified copy of the order from TX to the Prothonotary?

Yes, I am very thankful for that Act, because it makes a big difference in things. It helped when I needed to enforce child support and collect arrears.

[tawnynkids]

Changing jurisdiction should be relatively easy. You have two options really:
1. Go to a lawyer and have them do the transfer.
2. Go to a paralegal (for a lot cheaper) and they will know the appropriate forms that are needed, they will fill them out for you and you can do the "leg work" of filing them with the Court.
That would be the way it needs to be done here though... you might be able to call the Prothonotary and simply ask what forms need to be filed and you could possibly obtain them from the Court yourself, fill them out and file them. It really is best to have a professional to fill them out though as the terms on those forms can be very confusing. There is also a process that needs to be completed such as the father needs to be served for the purpose of objecting to the jurisdiction change and there has to be a time for the father to respond to the motion etc.

[tawnynkids]

Here is some information regarding your state specifically and changing jurisdiction:

If a custody order is already in place, how can I get it changed?

Because custody is decided in the best interest of the child, an order is never permanent. If a custody order is already in place, either party can ask the court to change it -- you can petition the court for a Modification of Custody.

To modify a custody order, you will need to go to the court that gave you the order, even if you have moved. Generally, once a court has a case, that court will keep that case, even if you move to another state. If you have moved, you can ask the court to change the jurisdiction to the new state that you are in. This is often complicated, and as with all custody issues, we recommend that you talk to a lawyer about this. (Go to the PA Links & Resources page to find someone who can help you.)

Can I change the state where my case is being heard?

If you, your child(ren), the other parent, and anyone acting as parent have all moved to another state, you may be able to change the state where the custody case is being heard. If the judge finds that the child, the parents and anyone acting as the parent does not have significant contact with the original state, or if they are not presently living in the state, s/he will consider changing the state where the case is heard.

Also, if you are a victim of domestic violence, Pennsylvania allows the judge to consider the violence in deciding if a particular state is no longer appropriate for the case. You will have to ask the judge who is hearing the case to consider allowing the case to be heard in another state. This is often complicated, and as with all custody issues, we strongly recommend that you talk to a lawyer about this. (Contact User go to the PA Links & Resources page to find someone who can help you.)
Here is the link if you wish to see more (there is a lot of information here including court fees, waivers for court fees, legal aid etc): Pennsylvania Child Custody Information

[GV70]

UCCJA.


The law includes rules for how to decide which state is the one with the power. The primary rule is that the state where the child lived for the six months before custody became a problem has the power. The law calls that state the "home state."

Sometimes, for people who move a lot, there is no "home state" in which case there are other rules, but the home-state-rule covers most cases.

Another rule is that once a court in the "home state" issues a custody order, as long as one of the parents continues to live in that state, only that state has the power to change its order. The "home state" is re-labeled the "decree state." No other state may change the court orders of the "decree state."
The UCCJA has brought structure to what was chaos. Parents used to kidnap their children from state to state. Courts in one state used to issue custody orders that contradicted the orders of courts in another state, which would force the dispute into the federal courts. It was a mess. Now when two states become involved in the custody dispute of one family, the judges from both states are authorized to telephone one another to determine which state is the "home state" if it's a new case. If it's an old case in which one parent wants to change custody, the two judges will determine if either parent still lives in the "decree state."

[tawnynkids]

Another rule is that once a court in the "home state" issues a custody order, as long as one of the parents continues to live in that state, only that state has the power to change its order. The "home state" is re-labeled the "decree state." No other state may change the court orders of the "decree state."

God I wished I had known that 2 years ago!

[ladyblu]

Thank you again! You all are offering some great information.