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    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #21

    Jun 9, 2007, 08:57 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    Hold on a minute. Now there may be an important piece of the story missing. Just a week ago my wife proved an inability to remain mature and responsible while intoxicated, so yes, I may in effect be a little uneasy because of this extreme instance which I will not disclose details about, but give me a break nonethe less.
    Well unless you provide details we can only go by what you wrote. And what you wrote so far makes you look like a jealous egomaniac.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    You cannot sit in front of your computers and tell me that strip clubs are immoral.
    Sure I can. Watch.

    Strip clubs are not immoral.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    Especially for a married and supposedly devoted woman.
    Yes because every married person that enters a strip club winds up sleeping with the strippers.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    Now, it is up to her as to how she views the men there, but, at the same time I have feelings, that should count.
    I'm going to agree with you there. Absolutely 100% correct.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    The thought of having my wife view, touch, be touched by, other men, who lack any sense of morality or sense at all, mortifies me.
    How do you know the strippers have no sense of morality? Are they more or less moral then people who steal?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    I trust my wife very much. Slightly less in the light of recent happenings and things she has told me. But trust is a very big part of my ideals. Secondly, you cannot tell me that trust should supercede whether it is right or wrong to be in such a situation...while married...to one man.
    But in you other post you problem was that she was young and beautiful. Not that she was going to a strip club. I read that to mean that you don't trust you wife, and you see her beauty in this situation as a hindrance because if she's beautiful then the strippers will want to do something extra with her and nobody else, when in fact they probably don't want to do anything with anybody. But you make it seem like your wife can't be trusted, you can say it here but given what you wrote in your original post I, and many other people saw no trust towards her.

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    What's the difference between seeing a man naked, while drinking and partying in a club, without your husband, and doing the same thing at someone's house accross town? Answers please.
    Ah, I presume to mean that by across town she would be cheating on you? Probably not with all her friends their drinking and partying and watching her have sex with the guy she would be cheating on you with. Are you honestly saying that having an affair is the same thing as going to a strip club?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    And women...you're just as bad as men.
    Boy they sure are….. oh wait are we still talking about the stripping thing or just in general?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    Trust her...I trust her enough to make a vow, as she did for me, I'm devoted. I only ask the same thing in return. I don't undress other women with my eyes. Is a strip club with women already undressed, naked, willing to give lapdances any better? F that, it's worse.
    What exactly is worse about it? Seriously you've never even been to one so what do you draw on for this statement? Am I worse then you because I've been to a strip club? Am I worse then you because I've actually dated strippers?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    I'm horrified by the responses thus far. Bring it on if you want to argue. Your words only prove the moral and ethical decay of our nation and most of humankind in general. I'm disgusted.
    Yeah the nation is morally declining because of strip clubs. Give me a second while I stop laughing.

    I always find it funny that people like you who with your obviously high morals who tell us simpletons what to think and do throw the line around that the country is going into moral decay as though it was always like the Leave it to Beaver days. Maybe if you got off your mountain top and saw the real world you'd figure out that there have always been murders, gangs, rapes, prostitutes and everything else that is supposedly making the world a horrible place. It was like that 500 years ago, and it will be like that in another 500 years.

    Now we can argue…was anybody actually arguing with you? Maybe that's part of your problem right there. You want everybody to live by your rules, but if others don't…or in this case the majority then you fall back into your usual defenses and blame it on society or something else that can't really be controlled when in reality the real problem is you.

    You can be horrified all you want at the responses thus far but what should really horrify you is the divorce that's coming if you think acting like a pretentious who knows everything and controls those around him because he doesn't believe enough in himself or the those around him to make the right decisions. At 23 with a lifetime ahead of her, you wife will not put up with your attitude or you emotional deficiencies for another 50 years or longer and that problem goes a lot deeper then this one situation.
    NowWhat's Avatar
    NowWhat Posts: 1,634, Reputation: 264
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    #22

    Jun 11, 2007, 07:07 AM
    She has already said she isn't going to go. And her reason was because she is sensitive to your feelings. What is the problem? The fact that she didn't say flat out "No" - when asked? And was offended at just the invitation? Come on.
    I think you are looking for trouble when there isn't any. And are you sure that she is EVEN going to a strip club? Just because they are there - doesn't mean she's going to go. I mean, from what I have heard - Vegas has a lot of things for people to do. I am not sure - but I think you can even gamble there. See a show or something. I didn't realize that there was only ONE thing to do in Vegas.

    Like I said, you have let your wife know how you feel - she has taken that into consideration and said she would not go. Just because she didn't react the way you would hope - well get over it. There are going to be times like this along the way of your life. Where you feel a certain way and she doesn't like it. And you will have to bend in order to make her happy. Should that not be what is important here? She said she wouldn't go to make you happy.
    Quit looking for trouble.
    Hercin's Avatar
    Hercin Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #23

    Sep 18, 2007, 09:30 PM
    You should act like your OK with the fact that she's going if she lets you go to on. If she say's she not but still wants to go to the strip club let her know that you value her decision but because she won't compromise with you... your not going to compromise with her. Tell her that your going to a strip club, even if she throws a fit she won't divorce you esp. if she going to one.. let her know she can't be a hypocrite...
    and if she does go to a strip club then you make plans with your buddies to go to a strip club its only fair...
    Tuscany's Avatar
    Tuscany Posts: 1,049, Reputation: 229
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    #24

    Sep 19, 2007, 05:09 AM
    She is not going right? So why make trouble? Why try to stir things up, she said no to respect your feelings. Be happy with that, move on and focus on the important things in your relationship. If you truly love and trust her then her being at a strip club should not bother you. If your relationship is solid it should not matter where she goes when she goes out with friends because you are secure in the fact that she loves you and will come home to you at the end of the night.
    losthusband's Avatar
    losthusband Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #25

    Oct 2, 2007, 06:18 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jomal
    Now, I'll give you the details that the title lacked. My wife of 10 months as of this date, and mother to our beautiful 1 month old baby girl has been invited to a bachelorette party in Las Vegas in about 10 months. I have a problem. I know that my wife is extremely beautiful...and young. She's only 23. I'm only 20. She's been told that she robbed the cradle. Anyways...back to the point...she will presumeably be asked to be one of the bride's maids, if not the maid of honor. At this bachelorette party they will be spending a few days in Vegas, drinking, partying, and going to at least one male strip club. I have already talked to her about the situation and told her that I don't approve. She asked WHY? Wow. That shocked me. I thought, no, I wanted, her to say "Trust me, I'm not going. I don't want to go to a male strip club." Or better yet, that she didn't want to jeopardize our family and relationship. But, rather, she actually wanted to go. Yet I know, as well as she does, that if I were to go to a strip club and have some girl get naked, dance for me and grind all over me, she would have a fit. Maybe even divorce me. So why is she okay with it? Why would she want me to feel how she doesn't want to feel? I told her that I couldn't even, ever, do that to her. Let alone do it for a weekend, hundreds of miles away from my family. Even if it was for my best friend, I'd decline. And I think he'd understand. This bachelorette isn't her BEST friend, she is a good one though, but she's afraid of what she might think of her. I'm actually really pissed off. I feel like my wife has less conviction and a lower moral standing than I once thought. She'd rather please one of her friends, and possibly herself, than me. I find that amazingly sad. She agreed not to go. But only because of how I feel. I got pretty fired up and demanded to know, regardless of how I felt, if she would still go and how she felt about it. She skirted the questions and...ultimately I feel let down. HELP ME PLEASE!!! Any comments at all. I can't bear the thought of some guy with his rubber banded penis in a silk sock grinding up and down on my beautiful wife, or even the less bearable thought of her actually wanting that and thinking it's appropriate because it's a bachelorette party. Amazing :(
    You should be worried about this. A mother should be concerned with her children and trying to raise them with as many morals as she can. I would tell her to do what she thinks a married mother should do and if she makes the decision to go then you have a problem with her. No man or woman should want to look at another person in that way after they get married. The ones who give you advise that it is OK and let her have fun are people who don't respect their spouses and don't respect themselves. You are responsible to see your child has a good home and respectible parents. Tell her she is not going and if she don't understand how you feel and respect your stance on this then you have problems ahead of you.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #26

    Oct 2, 2007, 06:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by losthusband
    The ones who give you advise that it is ok and let her have fun are people who don't respect their spouses and don't respect themselves.
    I was going to do the whole Chuffing routine but since I can read the date on this I decided on not getting too much into it since it's 5 months old. Exactly who are you to say somebody doesn't respect themselves because they have no problems with another adult looking at another adult? I really can't believe that in 2007 people still get freaked out by the idea that someone might see another human nude.


    Quote Originally Posted by losthusband
    You are responsible to see your child has a good home and respectible parents.
    The child was not going to the show.


    Quote Originally Posted by losthusband
    Tell her she is not going and if she don't understand how you feel and respect your stance on this then you have problems ahead of you.
    Tell her to do the dishes too. Slap her around too if she gives you any back talk.

    From one guy to another, I'll let you in on something. They gave them rights about 100 years ago. Some of them even have jobs.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #27

    Oct 2, 2007, 06:59 PM
    Tell her to do the dishes too. Slap her around too if she gives you any back talk.

    From one guy to another, I'll let you in on something. They gave them rights about 100 years ago. Some of them even have jobs.
    I WILL COMMENT AFTER ME AND MY WIFE STOP LAUGHING!! And after I finish the dishes.
    losthusband's Avatar
    losthusband Posts: 18, Reputation: 2
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    #28

    Oct 2, 2007, 07:27 PM
    Exactly someone who think people should respect their wedding vows and more than that respect each other. Hard to believe a book written thousands of years ago can still mean the same thing in "2007"!
    Leidenschaftlich für Wahr's Avatar
    Leidenschaftlich für Wahr Posts: 243, Reputation: 46
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    #29

    Oct 2, 2007, 07:28 PM
    Well, I have to say first of all, she said she isn't going and that should be enough as it is. I convinced my own husband to not have a bachelor party, because of the type of people his groomsmen were, and when he siad it wouldn't happen, I laid it to rest.
    But, because you've been married months and ave a month old child, is there any chance you got married due to the pregnancy? I mean, the fact that she would hold you to a double standard is not cool at all, and I definitely don't see anything right about a married women leaving her husband to drink and party for several days across the country, but either way she said it wouldn't happen,
    Save your worry and anger for the next situation. This ones dead...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #30

    Oct 2, 2007, 07:39 PM
    What kind of love is it you have, that must be controlled by fear, and insecurity?? If you cannot trust the one your with, What's the point of being married at all??
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #31

    Oct 2, 2007, 08:10 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman
    I WILL COMMENT AFTER ME AND MY WIFE STOP LAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And after i finish the dishes.

    Now I'm laughing. Don't tell the losthusband your doing dishes because he might come over there and slap you too!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #32

    Oct 3, 2007, 03:52 AM
    He has to wait because I have to take out the garbage, when the dishes get done.
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    vanessasmith Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #33

    May 5, 2008, 04:46 PM
    I totally agree with you (question asker). How can people sit here and say things like "she is an adult let her make a choice" see guys that's the thing.. she does need to make her choice. Her husband and family or the party. It is her choice and she needs to respect her husband and much more than that her marriage and her child. Like many women in this world they make that very clear to their husbands. Respect me or get out. That's the issue here. If he was OK with her going out and seeing other men naked then he wouldn't have posted. The thing is that he has expressed to her that he has an issue with it. That is the part that she needs to respect... I have a husband.. and I will hurt him if I go. You people obviously are not married. And if you are then I don't know what goes on in your home but hurting each other, be it seeing other naked men or a smaller issue, you have made a choice. You made this choice with legal documents confirming that you are now married.. you have given up the right to be single and have promised to love and HONOR your spouse. She wouldn't be honoring him if she went.


    More advice: she's respecting you by telling you that she is not going. Although she is in the frame of mind that it's OK... she respects you and that's all you can ask for. You will not change her opinion until she changes it herself even though it's hypocritical. I'm sure she loves you and everything will work out but be careful with the frame of mind that she has. Just as you should be careful with your mind's frame as well.
    chuff's Avatar
    chuff Posts: 3,397, Reputation: 1235
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    #34

    May 5, 2008, 05:46 PM
    This is almost a year old to the day. The OP isn't coming back and he didn't like his responses.
    modular01's Avatar
    modular01 Posts: 129, Reputation: 36
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    #35

    May 5, 2008, 10:16 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by vanessasmith
    I totally agree with you (question asker). How can people sit here and say things like "she is an adult let her make a choice" see guys that's the thing.. she does need to make her choice. Her husband and family or the party. It is her choice and she needs to respect her husband and much more than that her marriage and her child. Like many women in this world they make that very clear to their husbands. Respect me or get out. That's the issue here. If he was ok with her going out and seeing other men naked then he wouldn't have posted. The thing is that he has expressed to her that he has an issue with it. That is the part that she needs to respect... I have a husband.. and I will hurt him if I go. You people obviously are not married. And if you are then I don't know what goes on in your home but hurting each other, be it seeing other naked men or a smaller issue, you have made a choice. You made this choice with legal documents confirming that you are now married.. you have given up the right to be single and have promised to love and HONOR your spouse. She wouldn't be honoring him if she went.


    More advice: she's respecting you by telling you that she is not going. Although she is in the frame of mind that it's ok... she respects you and that's all you can ask for. You will not change her opinion until she changes it herself even though it's hypocritical. I'm sure she loves you and everything will work out but be careful with the frame of mind that she has. Just as you should be careful with your mind's frame as well.
    Couldn't help but notice that you said either the people that responded aren't married, or are married, and hurting each other. My marriage is neither dysfunctional (I'm sorry if all you've seen is dysfunction in relationships) nor do we hurt each other. What we are is 2 adults, and if my wife wanted to go to someone's bachelorette party, I'm not a nazi and wouldn't tell her not to go. I wouldn't be hurt either. I have enough trust and faith in my relationship to realize that she comes home to me, wouldn't do anything to hurt me, and that I can trust her. I do find that the majority of people that throw a tantrum about these kinds of things aren't very secure about their relationship, or really don't know the type of person that they married... both of which are very sad and disturbing.
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    helmethead1120 Posts: 24, Reputation: 1
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    #36

    May 7, 2008, 10:20 AM
    Everyone is right.
    I'm only 16 and I agree with everyone that your being stupid about it.


    Its one party
    There's a guy stripper get over it.
    She might be looking at that guy but who does she come home to go to sleep next to?
    You!
    She's married to you.
    She made a commitment to you.
    She's also going for her friend.
    She's not going for the stripper.
    You just need to loosen up.
    It's a party and she's going for her friends.
    And hey don't start a argument with people you don't know that are trying to help you.
    bugmenot's Avatar
    bugmenot Posts: 40, Reputation: 1
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    #37

    Jul 18, 2009, 09:39 PM
    I see it as an honest mistake on her part. She might not have viewed it from your perspective and saw it as lighthearted and just fun with her friends. But obviously some guys don't feel happy about this sort of thing, and it is understandable. After all, if your pals wanted to socialize at a topless bar would she be okay with that? Many women would not be, to be honest.

    To the people who claim "it's no big deal", that's simply wrong. If it's a big deal to him, it's a big deal. That works for the wife too -- if something makes her upset, it is by definition a big deal.

    So you made your feelings clear, and she decided not to go. That's really the appropriate thing here. If she is mature and considerate, she should respect your feelings on this, after all, you have made a commitment to each other. And that cuts both ways. I'm sure you will have to compromise if something you do makes her uncomfortable or unhappy. That's what marriage is about.

    BUT There's no reason to stew and reuminate over this though. You made your point, and she should respect it. But if she does, you have to move on and not hold a grudge. It was a misunderstanding over what you both thought was acceptable. That's all.

    So I think your feelings were perfectly understandable. She made an honest, innocent mistake. But you need to move on and not blame her or stew over this. That's also part of the bargain.

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