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manga · May 22, 2007, 06:25 PM

Exactly how much of responsibility do I or anyone has/have for someone else's feeling of being hurt after I/anyone caused it. No matter how much the apologies, isn't there a point where the other person need to take care of their feelings no matter how much I've hurt?

I NEED YOUR OPINION ON HOW YOU HANDLE THE HURT YOU CAUSED SOMEONE IF YOU HAVE

I guess in my situation I apologized a lot and I don't know if enough. Maybe enough if I would change how I handle things. I'm past that now I know what's up with my behavior I can do something about it. I might be wrong about this but when I get hurt I don't try to depend on someone to fix it or because they did it I wouldn't want them to attend to me. I let them know that it hurt me but I deal with how I feel because they're my feelings. An apology would be nice for any retaliatioin I get for how I behave but I accept no apologies either and just deal with it. I did tell my ex partner that He maybe hurt and I'm sorry to hurt him immaturely dealing with things but that he may need to deal with them. I'm not sure if I can help much after apologizing I had been their for him after I hurt him but of course there are resentments. Now he resents that I mention he needs to deal with his feelings himself. I have told him I'm responsible for the whatever action hurt him but anymore past that I'm not sure what else to think.

fix-what-you-broke · May 23, 2007, 03:15 AM

I think I know what you are trying to say, I read your post twice so I hope I am on the right lines..
Yeah I know what you mean, its hard to hurt someone.. I have been there 2 years ago. I can't even explain it now looking back, I don't know why I did what I did, and given the choice I would go back and make it so it didn't happen.
I hurt my partner very badly, I didn't cheat on him, it took a long time for him to open up to me after what I did, he was very distant, wanted a lot of alone time, was narky with me for about three weeks.
I couldn't say sorry enough and I meant it, it hurt me to see the hurt in his eyes, I saw his pain when I looked at him.
I would say appologize, explain why you did it, then try to move forward... I have learned from my mistake, I will never ever hurt him again after I saw what it did to him.maybe he needs to know the reason why, and know you will not do it again. Its hard but the trust comes back.
I disagree with you when you said its your responsibility up until the point that you hurt him then its his problem, you caused his pain why should he have to deal with it alone? Do it together and state your reasons, talk honestly and if its meant to be it will be

mckenzie134 · May 23, 2007, 03:48 AM

What is it you did wrong. And also fix what you broke what did you do wrong if you didn't chea.are you still together how did you hurt them??

fix-what-you-broke · May 23, 2007, 03:57 AM

I don't really feel like sharing right now, I didn't cheat on him,there was nobody else involved at all, if you read another of my posts about my past, I was feeling low for a long time and did a few things I shouldn't have done when I was in a relationship.
All I will say right now is I was very very stupid to risk everything like I did.

Marily · May 23, 2007, 05:24 AM

I know exactly how you feel, to apologize and being there for someone afterwards should be sufficient, don't resent yourself because of his behaviour, according to me you made right where you did wrong. Just make sure you don't make the same mistake and I personally think that maybe he need some time alone to sort out his feelings

manga · Jun 2, 2007, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by mckenzie134

what is it you did wrong. and also fix what you broke what did you do wrong if you didnt chea.are you still together how did you hurt them???

I don't know how to fix what I broke. I've been trying to do no contact for the sake of hurting each other ever again. We get in petty fights and I hate to see him hurt. While we were broken up he said he used drugs and asked me if we were broken up would he have used. HEnce I should've still been around, but not my problem he uses. The day before my birthday I have text him to respect my need for space. I didn't contact him on his birthday Sunday and he did on mine last Thursday. Then he texts me he still loves me on my birthday. I'm not going to fall for that, I think it's all screwed up now and I may revisit it later but not now. Whether he knows how to push my buttons or not I was doing good for 3 days until he HAD to text me so you're avoiding me now? This was on wed.

but his way of resolving things to use drugs is so unattractive to me right now, that it only makes things easier for me to walk away. I was with him for 2 years we both struggled with drugs only he was using more than I. I didn't have too much experience with it I knew it was wrong and quitting was the hardest. This was a year and half ago. While I stopped he kept going until This Jan he didn't use anything at all until this past may 28th. I guess I tried to stick it out for 'us". Then I felt out of the loop of what he was thinking which made me feel distant-then caused me to break up for no reason. Really dumb. It was dealing with 2 people, really caring and compassionate at one point then who the hell are u? Then it died.

He's complained about me and I used that against him, basically told him I wouldn't want anyone to suffer because of my behavior. (that's what he's made it out to be) but the more I'm away from him the more of what I can see about him and how I was acting. I felt brainwashed but there was NO WAY that I could win an agreement because he always disagreed. I felt that I needed his approval to win his heart. When I was in it, not in a very loving way to tell me that he didn't like what I did, just very subtle and didn't like how I said things. I'm the type of person that says what's on my mind and very honest almost too honest but I don't care what people think about me because I don't have anything to hide. After the relatioinship I feel so introverted now that I feel like I can't talk or speak up what I think. HE's even made me apologize to his friends before, which I felt really weird about him asking me to. (I guess just typing this just reminds me of things right now and why it's safe to be on my own)

It's like a game but 3x worse when dealing with someone who has no open mind to what I'm saying.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2007, 12:03 PM

I think you should forgive yourself and be glad that the unhealthy relationshipis over. Its bad enough when others kick you in the butt, make sure you don't kick yourself, because your trying to please them.

manga · Jun 2, 2007, 03:15 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you should forgive your self and be glad that the unhealthy relationshipis over. Its bad enough when others kick you in the butt, make sure you don't kick yourself, because your trying to please them.

Forgiving myself is starting to feel like a chore now. Distracting my mind from thinking about it, is hard to do. It's like watching a clock at work waiting for the time to get off work. Everything seems hard to do for right now, it's like a roller coaster still without the relationship but dealing with myself. I'll be ok:rolleyes: