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danielnoahsmommy · May 22, 2007, 06:48 AM

I have a very young (emotionaly) 4 year old, who is very bright, stubborn and spoiled. My problem is he pees in the potty like a "big" boy about 50 % of the time goes in pullups the rest. Refuses to poop. Potty charts worked for a while, bribary does not work, embarrassment doesent work, ignoring it dosenot work. Any ideas

J_9 · May 22, 2007, 06:51 AM

Have you tried getting rid of the pullups? They are very similar to a diaper and your boy needs to feel the wetness and feel how it is uncomfortable.

vlee · May 22, 2007, 08:37 AM

Even though pull-ups are a nice idea, I don't find that they work for potty training during the day. I used them overnight with my oldest child, and not at all with my youngest. I found that as long as I was willing to put a pull up on my oldest she thought of it as a diaper and felt free to pee in it. It was messy in the beginning when I tossed pull ups and went straight to underpants, but it worked much better and relatively quickly. Try to stick with only big boy pants during the day for a few weeks, and pull ups only overnight. I realize this will take a lot of dedication and you may not be able to go many places with your child, but consistency is key. He will learn to use the potty all the time if you stop allowing pull ups to be an option. Good luck!

danielnoahsmommy · May 22, 2007, 11:50 AM

Believe me< I know I should get rid of the pullups but he refuses to put on underware. We tried every design known to man; star wars, spongebob, bob the builder, elmo etc, etc.

How do I convince him to wear them?

J_9 · May 22, 2007, 11:55 AM

Hun, who is the parent here? You convince him by putting them on him yourself.

From what I have seen from your post, forgive me if I am wrong, but you are being the softy, he knows how to get what he wants. You need to stand firm, be consistent. He is too old to be wearing pullups now. He needs to start getting ready for big boy school, and big boy schools don't allow pullups.

Is daddy in the picture? Maybe Daddy can have a talk with him about big boy underwear?

startover22 · May 22, 2007, 01:02 PM

I agree you need to get rid of the pull ups. All of the above post are indeed correct. Remember consistency and remember that he is the child and you are the mother. He is too young to be controlling when and what he will wear. I hope you are strong and stay consistent or he might be very embarrassed to go to school. That would be very sad. Good luck!

alkalineangel · May 22, 2007, 01:05 PM

Yep the big boy school threat worked for us... hes in underwear 24/7 now... although we still have a few accidents...

blanket · May 23, 2007, 02:34 PM

Lets all remember he is 4. try cheerios in the toilet, make it a game. My son's daddy wouldn't help train him, so I put cheerios in the toilet and told him to sink the cheerios. Gross, but fun for him. Let me know if you try it and how it works, just remember to be persistent with him

J_9 · May 23, 2007, 03:03 PM

Yes, Blanket, he is 4, which means he should be out of pullups by now. At least during the day.

I do like the cheerios idea. I used fruit loops with my oldest 2 boys.

startover22 · May 23, 2007, 03:07 PM

I used raisins and M&M's to train, they got one or two every time they went potty then they were good to go. I should have done the cheerio thing though, less cavities! LOL!

NowWhat · May 23, 2007, 04:54 PM

They do make the "rubber" underpants. Just put them over his underwear. So, while he might have an accident in his underwear - his clothes will stay dry. They even make the two in one - underwear on the inside and plastic on the outside. They aren't as absorbant at night though.
I would put the pull-ups away from sight. It will be inconvient for a while, but this is more a battle of wills than anything else. And if he doesn't like the underwear - don't put anything at all on him - let him know that the pullups are no longer an option.
Good Luck - he will get it - I don't know of any grown boys that still wet their pants - so it won't last forever.

Mom of 2 · May 30, 2007, 02:02 AM

I did the Cheerios thing and it did work like a charm with my son.

You said that you tried the bribery thing, but how did you do it? One thing that I did was to go to the Dollar Store and picked out gifts that I wrapped in tissue paper (preferably their favorite color). I kept the gifts in a basket well out of reach, but in a place where they could still see that they were there. Every time they successfully sat on the toilet, they would get to pick out of the goody basket. Every time they sat on the toilet and actually peed or pooped, they were able to pick out two gifts. At the beginning, I would tell them, "It is time to sit on the potty now." Do this as part of your normal routine, i.e. right before you sit down for breakfast or as soon as you get up in the morning, etc. Do it EVERY DAY. Again, you are the parent and he is the child.

Children who are being potty trained become sensitive/scared when making #2 and this is completely normal. My daughter had the hardest time with this. To overcome this, I put a small bag together that I kept in the bathroom closet that held party hats, birthday blowers, noise makers, and confetti. I told her that when she went poop in the toilet for the first time, we would have a poopy party parade. I continued to remind her of this EVERY time she sat on the toilet. Sure enough, the first time that she went poop in the toilet, we took out the bag, put on the party hats, blew in the blowers, used the noise makers and threw confetti around while we paraded through the first floor of our house. It was soooo much fun!! And it worked!!

Again, get rid of the pull ups, make sure that you are consistent and that you are not giving in. I agree with the other posts in that your son KNOWS that you will give in and that you will just put on another pull up because it is easier for you. Reserve the pull ups for night times only in the beginning and slowly but surely ween him off these. I hope that you try all of the suggestions that you have been given by everyone, as they do work (some may work better than others). When I say try, know that none of these will work unless your are consistent with them. Doing it for one day here and one day there is not good enough. You need to do it every day and many times in a day. If you work, maybe taking a couple of days off work so that you can focus on the process is what you need to do. Only you can determine if that is possible. Whatever you choose, you need to be committed to the process. Good luck to you.

startover22 · May 30, 2007, 09:20 AM

Why is it now a days we have to do things like this? I am not saying I disagree because I have done these things too, BUT, haven't you heard grandmas stories or your parents stories on how they just did it because they were told too? What are we doing these days? Are we just completely spoiling our kids? I should probably just start another thread about this, huh?

Mom of 2 · May 30, 2007, 10:03 AM

I can see your view point. My suggestions have to do with being a little creative when other things have not worked and trying to make a stressful situation for a child a little less stressful. Again, whatever anyone chooses to do in this or other learning situations, the key is consistency.

startover22 · May 30, 2007, 10:07 AM

I do the same things you do, dollar store, cheerios, everything. I guess I was just asking that question to get a few different views, I don't think it is necessarily wrong. Just very differnent from what our parents and grandparents do. Thanks

danielnoahsmommy · May 30, 2007, 10:08 AM

Thank you for all your great advice.

Here's my up date. He has been such a great boy. He has been urinating al the time like a big boy standing up in the toilet. He even told me today that he would try big boy underwear tomorrow.. he is consistently dry in the morning and is very proud of himself.

My question now is he is very hesitant to go poop in the potty. Any suggestions about this problem?

NowWhat · May 30, 2007, 01:07 PM

I would imagine that pooping in his pants will be embarrassing and uncomfortable. You could talk to him about it and see if there are fears that you can ease for him.
I have to say, this is a little out of my element because my daughter had no problem with this - it just came naturally. Maybe now that he is staying dry and sees the positive result he will want to do #2. Make sure to give lots of praise for this.

Matt3046 · May 30, 2007, 01:12 PM

Yes the pull ups must go. I simply quit putting them on my daughter and within a few days she was "trained"

startover22 · May 30, 2007, 01:31 PM

I did have this problem with one of my boys, it soon ended after underwear and hiding under the table or in a corner to poop, I just caught his little red face and stuck him on the toilet. Hee hee, sounds cute, but sometimes it was hard to catch him. Good luck he and YOU are well on your way to the "big kid" stage!

danielnoahsmommy · May 30, 2007, 02:14 PM

My son is doing the hiding and pooping thing. When caught he asks for privacy and then asks to be changed right away