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Lostnotbroken · May 20, 2007, 03:26 PM

I have been doing personal massages for a few months now, non-intercourse, non-oral, but usually to completion for the man. I really have needed the money since I am a single mom just trying to get by... but the guy I have been dating found out when he was checking my computer and I don't think he will get over this... I know it was wrong because I felt I had to hide it, but I do love him so much... is there anything I can do? I have pushed him away and told him he deserves better anyway, but I am so devastated. I feel very ashamed and I feel like I have lost the love of my life... I was honest with him about the details, not names, and he was turned on afterwards and wanted to make love to me... but then he says he can't trust me and I know he thinks I am such a whore. Maybe I just needed some advice on how to move on and put this behind me... I am in such pain and I feel like my life has ended and I am afraid he will tell someone and my family and friends will all loose respect for me on top of losing him... I just want to run away from my life now.

Fr_Chuck · May 20, 2007, 03:38 PM

OF course there are professional massages, people get in health clubs, and hotels and merely professional massage studios. I get them several times a year and they are wonderful, but they have nothing sexual about them.

The difference between a professional message and a outcall prostitution service is the sexual content, You have set standards but they are lower than that of a professonal massage. And I understand it is not sexual to you, but it is a sexual experience for the client and in that it passes the line most men wish to deal with. And of course he has trust issues if this is the limit.

I am not sure what you are expecting him to do or understand, you made a choice and now have to live with those choices, and if you are doing something you are ashamed your friends will find out, what if it was one of your best friends husband as the customer tomorrow?

It is time to consider working another job if you need to work, you choose for a illegal easy money job and now are having to pay up for that choice.

I do feel sorry for you but this is your mess that you made by your choices, and your only choice to clean this is up is to stop doing it, today and start with a other line of work.

klinus1997 · May 22, 2007, 08:21 PM

Originally Posted by Lostnotbroken

I have been doing personal massages for a few months now, non-intercourse, non-oral, but usually to completion for the man. I really have needed the money since I am a single mom just trying to get by.....but the guy I have been dating found out when he was checking my computer and I dont think he will get over this....I know it was wrong because I felt I had to hide it, but I do love him so much.....is there anything I can do? I have pushed him away and told him he deserves better anyway, but I am so devastated. I feel very ashamed and I feel like I have lost the love of my life....I was honest with him about the details, not names, and he was turned on afterwards and wanted to make love to me....but then he says he can't trust me and I know he thinks I am such a whore. Maybe I just needed some advice on how to move on and put this behind me.....I am in such pain and I feel like my life has ended and I am afraid he will tell someone and my family and friends will all loose respect for me on top of loosing him......I just want to run away from my life now.

Listen -moms have to do what moms have to do to take care of their children. I know your pain. I knew lots of masseurs... You do it because you have to - not because you want to. Stay single - so you don't feel guilty. You wouldn't feel bad about it if you weren't a good person. Whatever you do - don't carry the guilt around forever. It is something you had to do to get by. Life will bring you better opportunities soon-I promise!

fix-what-you-broke · May 23, 2007, 02:50 AM

My man used to get massages from a friend of his family about once per month, it was all above board,she runs a beauty place and my man has a bad back,he stopped going over 4 years ago as she wasn't helping his back at all.
There was nothing sexual going on,in fact he was usually so relaxed he fell asleep.
I don't think it was appropriate for you to do this when seeing someone, you should have been honest with him, I would let your man go, I don't think he would get over this, let sleeping dogs lie.

cely05819 · May 23, 2007, 07:11 AM

For the most part I agree with Fr_Chuck. When yo make a decision you own it. When you are in the decision making process the consequences of the decision should be thought through. And, if you make a decision and then hide it and then feel ashamed about it, that's a decision that maybe should have been made a little differently.

The fact of the matter is, hindsight is 20/20 and you can't take back what you've done. So now what?

You aren't a bad person. You should NEVER tell a guy you aren't good enough for them. You made a mistake, big friggen deal! You're a human being, you made a mistake.

You have options now. You can sit down with your boyfriend and tell him that financially you felt trapped and that you wanted to be able to provide for your family and since there is no one else there to help you had to make a decision. It wasn't the best decision you ever made but you're willing to do what it takes to make it better and make better decisions going forward. Are you actually licensed to do massage? If you are you should have no problem finding clients or finding a health club or chiropractor to hire you on. Go to salons, chiropractors, health clubs, physical therapy centers, spas and everywhere you can think to get a legitimate massage job. A company I worked for had an employee appreciation day and had a masseuse come in and give everyone a neck and shoulder massage. I imagine she made out pretty well that day.

By hiding what you were doing you broke trust with your boyfriend. You can either run away from it so you don't have to deal with it or you can face up to what you did. We own the decisions we make! Be a grown up and face up to it, don't run away. And again, NEVER tell a man you aren't good enough for them. We're all human beings, we all make mistakes. You want to repent for your mistake, that's a lot better than a lot of people would do.

Good luck!

smoothy · May 23, 2007, 10:10 AM

Well, massages "with happy ending" may be over the edge for many men to accept. Some won't care, others can come to terms with it, others never will. Just be prepared for the worst.

I was through a similar situation many years ago with a woman... I was of the type I could not come to terms with it.