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JediMaster · May 19, 2007, 09:52 AM

My girlfriend and I have been going out for nearly two months now, but we knew each other well beforehand so it's really nearly two months officially together. This is a serious relationship as far as both of us are concerned.

Now we've had our little spats before, not many, but this is our first big fight and this is my first time in a serious relationship and I'm a bit unsure about it.

First off she is very worried about her younger sister who may or may not be seriously ill. I understand that this is probably on her mind as of late. She found of I think Wednesday or Thursday of this past week I can't recall.

This started by her, to me, becoming distant from me. She isn't that receptive to any sort of things like holding hands, kissing, hugging etc. And even when we talk it hasn't been that great this week except for Tuesday and Wednesday night. On Thursday night we sat on the phone for 40 minutes in silence. She says she's in a bad mood but she doesn't know why. There was one thing that hurt me on that phone conversation when we did talk. Now normally she and I have this sappy cute romantic thing when we go back and forth on how much we love each other, care, etc. She cut me off and said "I wasn't aware this was the mushy hour." This hurt me a lot. Even when I say "I love you" and she says it back it doesn't seem the same as it were last week.

Last night we and a bunch of friends went out. Now I understand that she'd want to spend a lot of time with her best friend whom she hasn't spent a lot of time with. However the night was a disaster. She and I argued on the way up. In fact we barely spoke until the fight. I sincerely apologized her for the fight in the car but she told me to drop it.

Then while we were out she pretty much ignored me with the exceptions of rudely asking me why I was so pissy. "What has a stick up your ?" stuff like that. She accuses me of being rude to her, and I was for a bit, but only once did she actually sincerely and kindly ask me what was wrong. She paid little attention to me throughout the night. She spent more time interacting with the other girls and two of my male friends than me. She did try to make me feel better when I told her I was sick but again that didn't last. She asked me what was wrong at one point and I told her that I felt like I was being ignored and she snapped "I wasn't aware I was supposed to be attatched to you" and I told her that was no the case.

I have no idea if this is some phase that's going to wrap up on Monday or whatever or if this is going to be long lasting. She won't tell me what's wrong. This is a relationship that I don't want to see end because I got us into a stupid fight. Even though we were both rather irate last night.

I need some advice. It seems like she's just so distant from me and rather mad at me and I don't really know why. I told her that I wasn't mad at her.

Thank you for any advice you can offer.

EDIT--- I felt that I should mention that we have a healthy sexual relationship and we have had a very healthy romantic relationship as well.

talaniman · May 19, 2007, 10:26 AM

Just asking, are you to clingey or smothering her, is it always about you or do you give her a little space? You left out the most important fact, What was the big argument about?

JediMaster · May 19, 2007, 10:31 AM

I'm not clingy or smothering to her. I make it more about her than I make it about myself. She's told me that she loves the way I treat her when we're together (not argueing or feeling down of course).

I am not sure what the fight is about. She's been acting rather off for a few days, but I am most certain that the fight was about her thinking I am mad at her. I told I wasn't and she kept accusing me of being miserable last night. For a bit I was and I apologized but it was not as bad as she's making it out to be and this isn't just mean speaking. I asked everyone else last night privately if they felt something was a bit off with her or if I was being a . They told me for a bit I was but that they didn't see how she could keep accusing me of being terrible to her.

AW805 · May 19, 2007, 11:28 AM

You don't know why you were fighting? No doubt when there's an argument sometimes it can go off into different directions but there usually a root to it. You need to be honest with yourself.

If you don't know why she's mad, just ask her straight out - why are you mad or upset with me? I'm sure she'll answer you honestly. You probably already know why and don't want to hear it.

JediMaster · May 19, 2007, 11:30 AM

I have asked her and she won't tell me. Then she gets mad when I ask why she's upset. I don't know exactly why she's mad at me but I know it has to do with something that I did or said.

AW805 · May 19, 2007, 02:38 PM

If she doesn't tell you why then stop asking. But I find it hard to believe you don't know what the argument was about -- it takes two. Nonetheless, stop dwelling on it, move forward and give her space.

talaniman · May 19, 2007, 04:13 PM

Ain't nothing happening in relationships with no COMMUNICATIONS.

J_9 · May 19, 2007, 04:30 PM

I noticed that you mentioned that her sister may be seriously ill. This could be weighing heavily on her mind right now. You may find it necessary to distance yourself until she finds out exactly what is wrong and just how serious it is.

She may need a little time for this to sink in and to spend with her sister in case it is serious.