[insummer]

Hi - I have a problem but am very embaressed to speak to anyone about it - which is why I'm here, I guess.
I think my boyfriend is addicted to sex. We have been together 2 years and are very serious about our future together, but I'm not that interested in sex. I like it but just not all that often. Twice a week for me is plenty. The problem is my boyfriend wants it all the time. He's fine when I say no the first time, but then if I say no again the next night - oh - he gets so mad and says I'm being selfish. He says he gives me time out when I ask for it so he should get attention from me when he asks for it.
I love him but find myself really dreading going to bed because I know the argument that will happen. I just want to read and sleep some nights - is there anything wrong with that? I feel like I'm being really pressured and this is so not a turn-on. The pressure makes me pull back more!
If he doesn't get sex for more than a few days he is horrible and cranky and not so nice at all! I want him to "take care of his own needs" sometimes if you know what I mean, but he won't do that at all! He says there's something wrong with people who have a partner and still masterbate.
Please help. I need some advice on what to do!

[Xrayman]

I suggest you state the term "take care of your own needs" a little more strongly. If he's too lazy to masturbate-he needs serious help. Sounds a little childish to me. You seem quite articulate and know what you need/don't need.

How old is he?

[insummer]

He is in his 30's
And on more than one occasion I did tell him to look after himself more strongly but it's almost as if the act repulses him.

[AltaVista]

Seems Xrayman is right on track here... and his last question is what came immediately into my mind as well.
This is some truly immature behavior on his part. You sound like you're years ahead of this guy in the emotional development department. At some point (if you two last that long) he will figure out that 'begging and/or demanding' will only annoy you and that it makes you even less interested.

[Xrayman]

he is in his 30's
and on more than one occassion I did tell him to look after himself more strongly but it's almost as if the act repulses him.

Repulses him-who does he think he is?:confused:

[insummer]

I don't know. It makes me sad because all other aspects of our relationship are very good. We plan a future together but this is beginning to get in the way of that. I want to know what to say to him, so he'll realise there is a problem - well a problem that isn't all mine, anyway :)

[smoothy]

Perhaps you need to look at why you don't want it more often. Maybe he thinks only about getting himself off rather than making sure you do as well? Based on his response and your reaction I think he could be a controlling type. And your response may indicate that you know it as well.

While I am not a pro. And I am not telling you to do what you don't want, you should not be pressured into it. And he conversely shouldn't be pressuring you into it. That only breeds resentment.

I would not consider once a day addicted to sex, even after 16 years of marriage (wife expects it once a day as do I, and trust me I hear it :D if I'm the one that doesn't deliver). Now 2 or 3 times every day (or more) then yes there may be an addiction thing going on, but not once a day.

[augustknight]

He has demands. You have demands. Before sex he must read poetry to you in a British accent while standing on one foot. He will consider that to be unfair. Which may be the first inkling that his requests are unfair as well. Animals have sex, people make love. Does he know the difference?

[smoothy]

But ignore his needs and you will be dooming the relationship.

As me and my wife agree, each of is entitled to sex when we want it. I indulge her when she has a strong urge come on, and she indulges me with mine regardless of the time of day or night, or whatever their desire runs towards at that moment. This has worked out exceptionally well for us. There is no resentment between us as a result. If either of us had to go days without a release there would be frustration and resentment.

I would either find out the reason for the low sex drive (if there is one) or seriously start to consider a partner with a similarly low sex drive. No this may seem harsh but He will come to see this as something of an irritant. And cause problems.

However if it's a result of rather lackluster performance that is something that can be corrected with better communication.

[iupetre]

Yeah if you treat him as being childish, he will eventually resent you. This is another one of those "both of you must compromise" situations. Instead of having sex, try just pleasing him. Orally usually gets the job done very quick.