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iamintrouble · May 17, 2007, 11:11 AM

I still not completely forgive him what his done to me. Every time when we have argument I still thinking the pain he gave me before, and I feel so resent him. He told me if I can’t forgive him that our relationship can’t do anymore better and move forward. This will be the end of the relationship. I feel I am the one have problem in our relationship even though I wasn’t the one do wrong! So unfair!

Anyhow, I told him I want to see counselor to get advice. But he says he doesn’t have faith for it. And he thinks counselors just tell you their opinion base on your relationship conflict, it doesn’t mean is right. I don’t know how to get him to see relationship counselor with me. Actually I don’t know will counselor help our relationship get better both since he has a very strong personality and doesn’t like to listen anyone. But I don’t know how to take out all of the pain he gave me before.:(

Rockabilly1955mama · May 17, 2007, 11:16 AM

Honey, with all due respect, if you cannot forgive him the relationship has no purpose.

Now, I may be wrong.
A counselor is a good idea.

And if you are not able to forgive him, it's going to be a long, hard road for you ahead.

Auttajasi · May 17, 2007, 11:39 AM

A man I respect a lot once said that it is only possible to have unconditional love for your children and dogs.
I agree with him for the most part.

And your boyfriend is right. Counselors ARE giving their opinion. Their opinion, however, may be based on years maybe even decades of experience working with relationship problems.
In many cases, a counselor just serves as a mediator between two people. He/she is there to make sure that you are being fair to each other when you argue. I look at relationship counselors as people who teach other people to argue properly. A counselor cannot cure you of arguing, but they can teach you how to argue in a way where neither party blows up in a fit of rage at any point during the argument.

In this respect, a counselor may be able to help the fact that your boyfriend doesn't like to listen to anybody.
You are tormenting your boyfriend by not forgiving him. Your relationship won't get better until you breach this barrier.

talaniman · May 17, 2007, 05:16 PM

As I have indicated in your other posts, why torture yourself with this idiot. I haven't seen or heard anything to save this relationship, nada, nothing, no way. Counseling would be the only thing you haven't done.

iamintrouble · May 17, 2007, 05:30 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

As I have indicated in your other posts, why torture your self with this idiot. I haven't seen or heard anything to save this relationship, nada, nothing, no way. Counseling would be the only thing you haven't done.

I know... it's not that easy to get out of the relationship of 4 years. Also because I love him very much, and I am sure he loves me too! But for some reason, we don't know how to avoid all relationship conflict, and make the agument worse in the end.
I'm hoping to get advice from counselor for save this relationship, and find the way to take out the resentful from the pain in me. Also, change his respective to see our relationship.

Auttajasi · May 21, 2007, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by iamintrouble

I know...it's not that easy to get out of the relationship of 4 years. Also becuase I love him very much, and I am sure he loves me too! But for some reason, we don't know how to avoid all relationship conflict, and make the agument worse in the end.
I'm hoping to get advice from counselor for save this relationship, and find the way to take out the resentful from the pain in me. Also, change his respective to see our relationship.

I would advise you to not go see a counselor with the intent of changing anything about him. This is the wrong way to go about it. Forget about trying to change anyone

Two very different people can go into counseling and just learn how to love and accept the other person for who they are. The second one partner starts trying to change the other, you are in a very bad place, and it is YOUR pride that is hurting the relationship.

Try instead to change some of your attributes that he doesn't like about you. Then, (maybe) he will recognize your efforts, and start changing things about himself to please you. If not, you will still feel a lot better about yourself for having the courage and strength to change, and will probably, in turn, become more accepting of your partner. Don't do it just because you want him to change though (you would still be trying to change him; just in a different way). Do it to better yourself.