[amanda762]

I have a 6 year old daughter that I have been sole custody of with visitation by her father as agreed upon by both parties. He has not made any contact with her in about 2 years. I am now happily married and she is doing great. Her father is now taking me to court for visitation saying I have not let him see or talk to her. I want him to have no contact with her because he is unstable and has not made any contact with her for a few years. Could I get him on abandonment, he pays no child support and last time he spoke with her he threatened my husband myself and our baby. Please help I am scared I will have to take her to see him... thanks:confused:

[whiteladybug2002]

I would make sure that the court knows that he hasn't had contact and you feel that it would harm the child (psychologically) if he suddenly came back into her life. Has he send gifts, cards, or called your child for holidays & birthdays? If your answer is no, then make sure to tell the court that, because it is very important!! Why, not too sure, but it is to the court.

If you feel that he could harm the child physically, by abuse, neglect, substance abuse, etc, I would recommend trying to hire a private investigator to prove your point in court. PIs are not too costly, usually, depends on where you live.

If the court does award visitation, suggest making the transaction slowly! Like letters, then phone calls, then meetings with Dad, her, & you, then short time limit visits (2hrs), etc. I think that it is much easier on a child to get a chance to know the absent parent before they are forced to go off with them for the wkend!

Just my opinion here!

Good Luck and God Loves You!

[amanda762]

No he has not so much as called to see how she was doing or where she lives I have moved since he has last seen her, his mother has tried to make contact about a year ago and I even let my daughter go up and stay the night up to his mothers house about a year 2 years ago. I asked his mother not to let him come around because of the threats he had been making... (my daughter was saying " my dad says hes gonna kill you") so I didn't want her around him.. . come to find out when I dropped my daughter off her father was hiding under a bed and his mother told her if she told me that he was there I would not let her come to her house anymore. My daughter was home for less than an hour and she had wet her pants, something she had not done for a long time. About a month or so later my daughter came to me crying and said she had a seacret to tell me that her father was there and told her he was going to kill my husband our new baby and I. so he didn't call I didn't let her see his mother anymore and that's how it was left. And almost a full 2 years later and after he took off to somewhere in Florida for who kmnows how long with no contact he now wants visitation and says I didn't let her talk to him or see him... he never even tried to have contact with her!! I hope I don't have to let him have visitation:(

[tawnynkids]

The only way to get abandonment is if you still could not find him after good faith attempts on your part to locate and contact him.

I just want you to be prepared that he very well might just get visitation. In the courts eyes it will be your word against his. It's not likely they will interview a 6 year old. Mine ignored our daughter for 3 years, blamed it on me of course, and the courts opinion was... well he is here now. You really, really need a lawyer. If I were you I would certainly try to request he be awarded supervised visitation at best. They aren't likely going to start with letters and just phone calls. But they may just award supervised. He would be allowed to spend time with her in the presence of a court appointed representative, yourself or someone you two agree on. That would happen for a while then you would go to the next step. A lawyer will best help you get all the important concerns you have allowed in court though.

Just wanted to prepare you of that and let you know you should think of alternate "step up plans" (long term visitation schedules that will safely increase his parenting time) that you could allow yourself to agree to that won't be what he wants but certainly less than the court may award him if not given other suggestions.

Here is another thought, try to get your daughter into counseling (in some states if you have joint custody the counselor will require dads permission, but you said you have sole so if you do have sole legal you do not need his permission to have her see a therapist), someone who specializes in children of course but who is also a child custody expert. They might be able to help prove your point in court. They can make recommendations to the court (which a lot of judges really like, helps them to not have to make the decision when they can look to a professionals opinion) They can be invaluable in helping your child have a say in court, since she probably wouldn't be able to otherwise. A counselor can really help monitor the situation after court, help her with the transition and be able to provide updates in court for necessary changes in ongoing court hearings to continue to increase visits or lessen them. You should be able to obtain a list of court approved child custody experts from a lawyer as well as the Court itself that you can get in touch with.

[amanda762]

Thank you all very much I went today to applie for a public defender. I don't think I am eligabe but its worth a shot... on the other stuff I neeed to get my thoughts and options together and decide what to do and how to do it within my means... thanks again

[tawnynkids]

Thanks for writing us all back Amanda. Good luck and do keep us posted her won't you? :)

[Cassandra416]

How long does the parent have to be gone for it to be abondonment?

[tawnynkids]

It all depends Cassandra but you might be better off to getting answers if you post this as a new question on the forum. :)

[Cassandra416]

How long does the parent have to be gone for it to be abondonment?

[tawnynkids]

Ummm... that wasn't exactly what I meant.. if you look at the top of the screen there should be a button that says "Ask About Children" and another that says "Ask about another Subject". You should select one of those and ask your question. You may get better responses if you post it in the Family Law section.

[SPEARMAN815]

My 2 Boys Dad Is Back After 4 And A Half Years... with No Contact Birthday Cards, Xmas Gifts Or Just 2 Say Hello And Now He Wants Weekend Visits In Which My Younger Son He Denied 2 Family And Friends... its Going to Be A Long Haul But Don't Give Up