I believe you, and it's easy for those who have applied here to you that it's just you or the way you think to preach when they've obviously NEVER been through what you, and I'm sad to say I have. I have come to accept that sometimes bad luck follows good people, and though we can't always be sure why, or how to stop it, we must make do with what we still have to look forward to in our lives. I know how easy suicidal thoughts can come to mind as our bad luck starts to affect those around us and those who love us. I had years of bad and horrible events in my life. A childhood of severe physical abuse from my mothers partner, then from my father after my mother sent me and my brothers to live with him in a whole other state to try to protect us. After my fathers partner left him and we returned back to our hometown, his abuse increased with his frustration until my primary school couldn't ignore the physical scars and bleeding belt welts over my body and called the police where my brothers and I were then placed into foster homes and treated by doctors. I suffered with mental blanks that the doctors said were my bodies only way of dealing with horrendous events of abuse such as rape, beatings, torture etc. Then, in the 'safehouses' they called forster care, I was raped again by an older boy in my room then when I was moved to another 'safehouse' I was raped again by yet another older boy in the house. I was finally allowed to go live with my mom, but the physical abuse soon started there again too as my step dad took his frustrations out on me with my mother. I had years of a difficult relationship with a boy who's mother would do unspeakable and caniving things to me because she felt threatened that her baby boy had someone other than her to love in his life. She nearly killed me once when she over dosed me with valium she'd crushed up and put in my drink that she handed to me with an asperin one night for a headache I had! She made so many difficult problems with us and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't make him stop loving me. Then one night while she thought she was being secretive having one of her 'goes' at me that she always denied, he overheard her and could barely believe it. After that we stopped seeing her so much. Then for the first time in years and with a 3yr old daughter of our own, we were happy, when he was killed in a car accident, by a red rav4 driver who got away. At the hospital that morning before I watched him later die drowning in his own blood, I was accused of being the driver of that red rav4 as it convenient happened to be the same car and color as I own. These are only a few of my bad lucks over the years.
I have out of curiosity seen a few psychics who don't know each other and each have said I have'daggers' in my back. I have no idea what this all means. I have tried wearing tigers eye pendants to ward off bad luck, omens etc. even tried cleansing them as your supposed to. I am not exactly psychic myself, but I do have dreams, and they do come true. I can even make things happen just by saying it, though you won't believe me. I am careful of what I say, and I know that if you wish others bad ill then you will get it back. So I am also careful not to do that. I have always believed that life is a lesson, and though I'm catholic I have this sense that I've been here before and that this is my last time round on this earth, though I don't exactly believe that when we die we come back as something else. I feel I've made the mistake before of cutting out of my life early by suicide and that I can't give in to it this time. So maybe in some way you could in your own way see some kind of message in yourself out of what I have had to say. You know what I mean. There's things I've said that you have thought, and I know that at time's you feel like your inside your own body, looking out of it's eyes and seeing what's going on around you. I'm only 25 myself, and when I go I just want to know that I've done all I can in the light of having all this bad luck thrust upon me. It's very challenging and hard, but I hope you can find the strength to do the same. If you find something that works then I congradulate you. If not, you'll have a full sense of understanding when it comes your time to pass on and into what ever it is that we go to when we die.
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