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Sunshine2 · May 9, 2007, 06:09 PM

Hi everyone! I love this website! My situation is a bit different than any others I have read, but long story short. I was in a bad marriage, hung out with my best friend for a solid year (husband was OK w/ it), and well, I grew very close to my best friend. Said this before. We quit talking for about 5 or 6 months basically and I tried to work things out with my husband. I felt like I had to, he said he had changed, etc... Now here I am single and it is better than being in an abusive relationship with someone who you have grown to strongly dislike. I think I always knew in my heart how I started to feel about my best friend, but it was not until later that I shared this with him. I have told him that we can only be friends right now, but this is really hard. I read these books and they talk about going through the grieving process, etc. I went through that when I was married, I was very much alone then. I am over it, been over it. I think I am driving my best friend crazy, not to mention myself. Has ANYONE ever been through this?

chuff · May 9, 2007, 09:04 PM

I never been through it so I can't speak from experience but I would wait six months just to make sure. If you still feel that way then follow through. But I do agree that jumping into something right now would not be healthy for you, nor would it be fair to him because he might be led to believe this is something more when you might just be searching for a crutch to help you even if you don't know it at the moment.

Skell · May 9, 2007, 09:33 PM

I agree with Chuff but it is also possible and completely understandable that you did go through most of your grieving whilst in the relationship. Especially if it was abusive as you say.

There is no need to rush though. If the feelings are genuine then they will not just go away. Move forward slowly and always remember to take care of you and your emotions. At the moment you should still be making yourself the No. 1 priority.

Just take it SLOW and keep everything in balance.

Matt3046 · May 13, 2007, 08:07 AM

Just remember to consider your friends feelings, don't make him cry.

Sunshine2 · May 13, 2007, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by Matt3046

Just remember to consider your friends feelings, don't make him cry.

Big boys don't cry. Ecspecially in front of little girls!

Matt3046 · May 13, 2007, 08:37 AM

Waaaa!!

Bellasmom · May 14, 2007, 07:49 AM

Yes, but it really does get better, I am now married again and I have a one year daughter.

talaniman · May 14, 2007, 05:08 PM

Take your time for the sake of you and your friend, as the last thing you want, is to hurt some one who could be special, because you moved to fast, and didn't take the time to do it right.

glavine · May 14, 2007, 08:51 PM

I know what your going through, id just give it time to really get over your husband and have some alone time, if your like me after my divorce I felt like I had to be with someone whether I liked a lot or just a little, it was better than nothing,
But I bet those time while you were with your best friend were some really happy time for you,

Sunshine2 · May 14, 2007, 09:01 PM

Originally Posted by glavine

i know what your going through, id just give it time to really get over your husband and have some alone time, if your like me after my divorce i felt like i had to be with someone whether i liked alot or just a little, it was better than nothing,
but i bet those time while you were with your best friend were some really happy time for you,

I did not exactly plan to be with someone, or feel like I do. It just happened, I really do like hanging out with him. I do not like him a little. I like him a lot.

glavine · May 14, 2007, 09:13 PM

See I've got this friend of mine that has worked with me for many years now, and were both married, but it just seemed to turn into us being best friends , and next thing you know , you have really strong feelings for them,
Its one of those things that at the time its wrong and you know it but its just a feeling that your addicted to and have to have. I hope it lasts for you

Sunshine2 · May 17, 2007, 07:05 PM

I want to give a quick update. Thanks to everyone for all the advice. I have a tremendous amount of peace that I have made the right decision in my life and I am sticking by it. I have no regrets about the marriage ending, it ended long, long, ago. My best friend is doing good too. We have been hanging out and it is really nice. One day I will be free completley to do whatever I want to do!;)

Until then, life is too short to not be happy! Love, Laugh, Live!

Skell · May 17, 2007, 07:26 PM

So good to hear that you are in a happy place. Very refreshing.

Matt3046 · May 19, 2007, 04:36 PM

So tell us what's going on.

Sunshine2 · May 19, 2007, 05:26 PM

Well, ummm, lets just say that my best friend has turned out to be my best everything, anything, etc. etc. And I am a very lucky woman. And I saw this movie called BORAT, I think, and it was so funny. Hey Matt, what did you do last night?

Matt3046 · Jul 8, 2007, 04:18 PM

So what happened

Matt3046 · Jul 8, 2007, 06:16 PM

I mean read what you wrote here

Matt3046 · Jul 9, 2007, 07:36 AM

This means nothing