[RSimon35]

All right, here's the situation - my ex-girlfriend calls me a few weeks ago, and tells me that she's pregnant. Of course, this is not a situation I'm immediately comfortable with, but it's not because I'm not one to run from a responsibility.

See, I'm not going to be here, I'm actually going OUT OF THE COUNTRY, back to my home country because I'm involved in a business deal, basically starting up my own business and funds that I have now have been pooled into that venture.

What that basically means, I don't want to be in another country, while there's a child with my blood flowing through it without a father there to be around. Its something I'm NOT comfortable with at all.

Abortion was a suggestion. Upon that suggestion, any aggression that she had towards her first child's father was aimed towards me. From talking to her, it seems she had hoped the child would keep me here, but unfortunately that isn't the case because contracts have been signed to help with my venture. She would then threaten me with child support (Claiming it would follow me, no matter where I go or how far I try to run, when I was not trying to run in the first place), and basically degrade my character. It was a painful déjà vu - but that couldn't be helped.

At first, she stated that she would have an abortion if something like that were to happen, then when it does she states she was only joking about it (Which pissed me off slightly). Then after I talk to her, after several excuses, she says that she'd do it if I paid for it.

Fine.

However, even though I gathered enough money to pay for the pill, the most painless procedure of doing this - she then leaves a message on my phone stating "Save my money, she's not going to do it", which made me aggrivated even more.

Basically, my attitude is this, I have no problems in paying to support my child - but, I just feel that child support is literally useless without the actual means to support the child. I already offered to buy her the things she may need before I leave, like the crib, stroller, car seat, et cetera. Basically a list of things that she wrote down. However, I know that after I leave, most of my energy and money is going to be focused on my upstart business, and there's no telling where I'll see an actual payout till I get established - which means, any form of child support would be out of the question until that point, and with new businesses, you never know when that'll be.

Look, to make a long story short - Is there a way that, because I'm going to be out of the country, is there anyway that rights as the child's father can be signed over to the mother? Another problem I have is this, I don't want to be the type to send my money overseas - and not know what's being done with it. On top of that, and I regret it every time I say this - for a child that I never wanted (WHich I know isn't my choice) in the first place.

What makes me even more mad, is the fact that, I KNOW, and even she would say so herself, she doesn't even have the means to support herself and her first child, muchless another one - but yet she chooses to have this one.

If I were still here, hell, if we were still together, this would've been so much easy - but I can't even stand to be around her, or even talk to her - she thinks I'm still attracted to her, but she's a major turn off. And it's not because she's pregnant, its because of the attitude she has towards me, which is aggression that should've been directed to her first child's father. Look, basically, if there's a way that I can sign over any, if not all rights to this child - or do I just have to chalk it up to life?

[mike145k]

Become a true man and do what ever you can to assure that your child has a good and safe life your child needs you. Invest in your child and your return will be greater then any amount of money you can produce if you are a real man your heart will not allow you to run away you must find away or else you will never become a man of god

[SazzerW]

I am a 38 year old daughter of an American who left without looking back. You have little control over the outcome of this pregnancy but a huge amount of control over your child's opinion of you. Step up and be counted - if you didn't want to have a baby you should have worn a condom.

[traka]

I don't normaly reply to domestic issues, I get enough off-line !
But this one I can relate to and if I can offer something then good.

Firstly,the question of abortion should be literally aborted, but the point is,
It's difficult point to deal with because there are varying for's and against's which cross the mind. It phases through confusion, in-decision and it is rather emotional.
If she was undecided, look at it from the outside and look at a bigger picture.
Someome is going through a hard time deciding what to do with an unborn child. Just *don't* be pissed off. Daal with it.

I was a teenager when the word "abortion" was a new word to me took it for granted, yet never had anything to do with an actual abortion personaly.
But when a girl one day drag me by the ear and sat me down and explained to me what it really meant, I soon changed my mind because it is what it is.

Your career seems promising, but you have not made mention of taking her and the child with you.
After all, she is the mother of your child. What's the problem ?


If that option is not the choice, then carry on with your career and do it well.
Set aside something for that child, because it will definitely come looking for you when it grows up.
Be ready at least. And you are not the first nor the last of these types of situations.
Make sure though you both have tried to amicably solve the issue one way or the other, the child will want to know why you both parted ways and it is not a good reason to tell that child later on in life, "we parted because you were coming into the world". In my books that is not acceptable from both of you.

But if you parted for other reasons personal between both of you only and not the child, or she did not agree with your career path, then that's different.As long as you both at least tried to make a go of it *for* the child's sake but ended up being incompatible between the both of you personly,anyway.
But don't blame the child or make the child a reason for parting.
Make a reason to enjoy life.

[RSimon35]

Taking her with me is out of the question, because we're not that close anymore - however, I mentioned taking the child with me (Not in a 'i'm taking it without question' way, but in a "To ease the stress/load off your shoulders" way), and she looked at me like I was stupid.

[paperdoll]

Its OK.
What's the big deal.
You gave her every choice.
Its her whose messing around.
She could have had an abortion but she wants the child... thats her decision... u didn't ask her too... so it is she who is responsible for whatever she does.
More over you are ready to help even after the break up... she should be appreciating it
Don't bother around
Give a damn and get on your way

[stevetcg]

Here is the LEGAL gist...

If you are the biological father or determined to be the legal father of the child by a court (which can happen if you fail to respond to the paternity test), you will be assessed with a child support payment according to the laws of the state they are filed in.

Yes, it will be hard for them to enforce if you are out of the country (assuming you are also not a US citizen). Depending on the country you do hold citizenship with, its possible that support could follow you. It WILL be waiting for you if you choose to return to the states.

To make a long story short, no, there is no way you can sign over your rights (or responsibilities) to another person unless there is an adoption. If she is going to keep the child, she would have to get married and her husband would be the one to adopt.

The fact that you may or may not be making significant amounts of money are not the concern of the court and your child support will be assessed (again, depending on the state) by a minimum standard, a potential income or a best guess of your future income (seen it happen... ).

The bottom line is that this (presumably) is your child and its not the child's concern what your reason for being absent is. Your career does not change the fact that the child needs to eat, needs shelter and needs parents that love it. As for what the mother chooses to do with the child support ordered, that is none of your business. It is hers to spend how she sees fit.

Edited to add: just noticed the date on the original post. While the information is good for educational purposes, I will leave it. This thread can be locked.

[J_9]

Thread closed. It is over 4 years old.