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Desperate family -need to know legal rights
When I was 16 I got pregnant. I slept with a friend (Josh) then two weeks later with the man who would be my future husband (Chris). I didn't think there was any way the baby could be Chris's so I told him about Josh and that the baby wasn't his. He took it well and decided to stay with me to see if we could work it out. I told Josh about the pregnancy and he begged for me to have an abortion. He was heavy into drugs and didn't want anything to do with me or her. He wouldn't accept that I was having her, so I cut off contact with him (to his joy) so Chris and I decided we would marry after she was born and he would raise her as his own (there was a small possibility she was his anyway). The night I gave birth my mother contacted Josh and his mother and they agreed that they wanted absolutely nothing to do with us and that Chris could sign the birth certificate and they would never contact us again. Everything was fine until she was 1 at which time Josh happened to see her out with me. He called me claiming he's the father and that he'd leave me alone if I let him see her and have a picture. So I did, I would have done anything he asked to keep him away. After the first time I let him see her he kept threatening that if I didn't let him see her "one more time" he would try to get custody. I let him see her 5 more times. The last time he saw her he was so drugged up (he's been a heavy drug user since before she was conceived -meth, weed, pills, alcohol, ect) he fell over with her in his arms and skinned her knee. I changed my phone number and moved after that so he couldn't contact me again, I was terrified. That was 2yrs ago, and he's found me again. He's married now with another child, and he had his wife call me in the middle of the night for days until I finally agreed to talk to them. They've said they're taking me to court within the next 6 months, are going to force us to take a DNA test, and when it says she's his he's going to try to get visitation/custody. This is tearing my family apart. My husband is the most AMAZING man and father in the world and we cannot bare to let a drug using alcoholic take our daughter away. He claims he's recorded our conversations of me saying that she's his, he's got a couple pictures of her, and has seen her, so he says it's enough proof to take me to court. My husband is on the birth certificate, we're married, and he signed a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity order at the hospital. Can he really force this on us? He didn't want anything to do with us for so long, and when he did contact me it was only to threaten me. I've been nothing but nice trying to stay on his good side so he doesn't do something stupid to hurt me or her. Please please please someone help me with this, I've developed an anxiety disorder and worry everyday he's going to come in a tear our happy family apart.
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Where do you live in? It all depends on in which state you are... For example-Tennessee prefers to give all rights to the biofather in despite of you are married and another man is on child's birth certificate and is the marital father.In Pennsylvania it is impossible... Some states allow biofathers to change the marital paternity presumption from child's birth to 10 years... How old is child?
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She's 3yrs old and we're all in TN. It blows my mind that they would allow someone like this to come into a happy family and rip it apart. What could we possibley do to prevent him from doing this? Can he legally record our conversations without my knowledge? I was so upset last time we talked I could barely even talked. I just agreed with everything he said to try and keep him happy so he wouldn't do it as revenge (yes, he would do this just to hurt me). If it came down to it and the judge tried to force us to allow visitation we're considering moving out of country is possible or across the country in Washington or Oregon. I'm telling you, we hardly even allow her to spend the night with her grandma. My anxiety disorder (because of him) has made me EXTREMELY protective of her and I trust no one but my husband and I with her. From infantcy she's never in her life "cried it out" and from what I understand his form of parenting is "the tough way" with spanking and such (yes, he spanks their 10mo old.. of course I could never prove it). I'm so sick with worry I can't sleep or eat!
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Well just relax, you can't do anyone any good if you make yourself sick. Just figure out someway of talking it out with him, and a third party. Honestly it sounds like you are over reacting some. I mean if he is as bad as you describe (half serial killer/half child molester) no judge is going to let him see the kid alone. But he is the father, it can't be changed, and that does give him some rights. "Your family" includes his daughter. You will have no piece of mind until you talk to a lawyer, so find one tomorrow.
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Part of this anxiety disorder is seeing the worst in all situations. Then again my family is on the line. My husbands family doesn't know anything about all this. They're very conservative and Christian. If they found out our daughter isn't biologically his it would start an entire family uproar, it would kill my husband, our daughter would be confused and frightened (she's very weary of strangers), and I would be in a constant state of stress and worry about her. I've tried to talk him out of it, but he seems to get some sort of kick out of watching me cry hysterically and beg. Honestly I think he likes power trip. He's one of these people who are very sneaky and never gets caught. There's no physical proof of the things he's done. It's all heresay from me so I cannot prove anything to a judge. I'm sorry, I know I sound crazy.. but I feel crazy. I've been stressing about this for so long I'm worn out.
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Well I will have to say, you could have not told him anything about the child since you and your husband was getting married, you could not allow him to keep seeing the child, and you could have not keep giving him photos. And you could have called the police for harassment if he keep calling.
Ok, have you ever had a DNA test to know? If not, get one now with your hubby and find out for sure. In TN yes he can file for visitation rights, ( I don't see him getting custody) If he used drugs demand the court issue drug tests and not allow any vistits unless he has been drug free 30 days. But you also can file for child support. So at this point, you get a DNA test and hire an attorney |
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 Originally Posted by Keephimaway
But seriously you have got to take care of yourself. You must be healthy to deal with these problems as well as the day to day stuff. I didn't mean to get down on you. Sorry. I was saving this for a special but I think you need it |
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Originally Posted by Keephimaway
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Originally Posted by Keephimaway
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Don't worry, you will be fine leave it in GOD HANDS, I mean it but do what's needed here on earth make sure to get an attorney for yourself, and always no as long as you are financially stable, not on drugs, have a stable home, a steady life and your husband is supportive of your child whether his or ex, he has been your child's acting father as far as the court is concerned, that is what they will call him if it is your ex child, but just know as long as you are stable, your home and finances, there is no way for him to take her from you, just pray and do what is required and get legal advice, don't fight it alone.
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http://tncourts.gov/OPINIONS/TSC/PDF/063/TKYOPN.pdf
Look here-the Supreme court decision... In the Tennessee case, In re T.K.Y. The husband was determined by the court not to be the child's legal father, even though he wished to continue the parent-child relationship he had commenced at the child's birth. The facts of the Tennessee case are these: Mrs. Y, while married to Mr. Y, had an affair with Mr. P. Mrs. Y gave birth to a child. But she concealed the affair and her suspicions about the child's parentage for quite some time. Eventually, however, Mr. P sued to establish his paternity - and genetic tests showed he was, with 99.95% likelihood, the child's father. Despite Mrs. Y's infidelity, she and her husband decided to remain together, and together, they opposed Mr. P's suit. Like Kentucky, Tennessee rebuttably presumes a woman's husband to be the "legal" father of the children born to her during the marriage. The DNA test, however, arguably rebutted that presumption with respect to Mr. Y. Tennessee law also presumes that a child's biological father is his "legal" father. . The men were thus "tied" for legal fatherhood - a tie that the Tennessee Supreme Court broke by resort to biology alone. The court concluded that "the rights of the biological father" - Mr. P - "are superior." Mr. P was thus declared not only the biological father, but the legal father as well. |
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Originally Posted by Keephimaway
If your ex fills in other state-he will have less success but in Tennessee you lose.Sorry. |
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Well we're totally unwilling to let this happen. My husband is her father, and we could never consider him her step father.. that would be unacceptable. But more than that, as her mother I could never put her in a dangerous situation and how dare anyone try to force me to do something that would surely harm my child mentally and physically. The question now is, to move out of state or country. We've been considering it for awhile anyway. This situation has made me lose all hope in the justice system.
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Does a druggie freak have enough money to get an attorney to sue you? I think he's just making empty threats. I would file harassment charges against him for the late night calls, etc. and not worry about the custody thing until/unless you get served with papers.
DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. The calls, threats, visits, drug use... keep a journal with times/dates and quotes. Then you can make your case to the judge who is supposed to rule in the child's best interest which will probably be to stay with her safe, secure family. If he does get officially named as the father, he will have to pay child support... does he really want that? If it goes to court you could get a court ordered drug test and psychiatric evaluation... does he want that? Don't let people bully you, tell him to take you to court. |
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In my opinion your best solution is to try to terminate his parental rights/if you are sure that 100 per cent he is the father/.The bad thing is that first his rights and legal status have to be established... After that your husband will be able to adopt the child.
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Tennessee Domestic Relations
36-2-305. Agreement to establish parentage — Complaint to establish parentage — Parties — When action may be brought — Order of protection (1) A complaint to establish parentage of a child may be filed by: (C) A man claiming to be the child's father, or if the man is a minor, the man's parent, guardian, or personal representative; One (1) man or several men may be named as the father. The naming of one (1) man as father does not preclude a later suit against another man if the court finds that the first man is not the father of the child. (5) The action may be commenced by service of a summons as in civil cases and tried as a civil action. In the alternative, notice of the filing of the complaint shall be delivered to the defendant or the defendant's representative or shall be sent to the defendant at the defendant's last known address. If the defendant fails to make an appearance or file an answer to the complaint, the court may proceed as in civil cases or may issue a warrant for the apprehension of the defendant, directed to any officer in this state authorized to execute warrants, commanding such officer without delay to apprehend the defendant and bring the defendant before the court for the purpose of having an adjudication as to the paternity of the child, and such warrant may be issued to any county of this state. 36-2-308. Conduct of trial — Expedited hearings. (d) Bills for the mother's care during pregnancy and childbirth and genetic testing shall be admissible without requiring third party foundation testimony and shall constitute prima facie evidence of amounts incurred for such services or for testing on behalf of the child. 24-7-112. Tests to determine parentage — Admissibility in evidence — Costs. — (a) (1) (A) In any contested paternity case, unless the individual is found to have good cause under § 454(29) of the Social Security Act (42 U.S.C. § 654(29)), the court, or the department of human services in Title IV-D child support cases, shall order the parties and the child to submit to genetic tests to determine the child's parentage upon the request of any party if the request is supported by an affidavit of the party making the request: (2) (B) A rebuttable presumption of the paternity of an individual is established by blood, genetic, or DNA testing showing a statistical probability of paternity of that individual at ninety-five percent (95%) or greater. In such event, the case shall be tried before the court without a jury regarding the issue of paternity without the evidentiary limitations of subdivision (b)(2)(C). 36-2-306. Statute of limitations. — An action to establish the parentage of a child may be instituted before or after the birth of the child and until three (3) years beyond the child's age of majority. The provisions of this chapter shall not affect the relationship of parent and child as established in § 31-2-105. 36-2-302. Definitions. — As used in this chapter, unless the context otherwise requires: (1) “Child born out of wedlock” means a child born to parents who are not married to each other when the child was born; (2) “Court” means the juvenile court or any trial court with general jurisdiction; (3) “Father” means the biological father of a child born out of wedlock; (4) “Mother” means the biological mother of a child born out of wedlock; (5) “Parent” means the biological mother or biological father of a child, regardless of the marital status of the mother and father; and (6) “Father,” “mother,” and “parent” do not include a biological parent whose parental rights have been terminated for a child whose parentage is at issue. [Acts 1997, ch. 477, § 1.] |
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Not sure what the UPA is, but you're right GV 70, it is not cut and dried by any means and there are various statutes in play here.
So I amend my statements to some degree. I still think he is making empty threats, but you might want to get an attorney to at least explain the laws and the precedent set by similar cases. If you leave the state or country you could set yourself up for criminal charges, so I advise against running away. |
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