[J_9]

David,

I think either you need some serious help, and I do hope you get it, or you are playing with our emotions.

Which one is it?

[PurpleLagoon]

PS to J9... I see you are a cancer survivor too, congrats to you on that personal battle.
I have survived 3x myself. I have had an ultra rare type, most have never heard of it, porocarcinoma. At the time, I was one of only 38 known cases in the whole US, and less then 300 cases recorded in the world. Think of the odds of getting that. The last time was bad, in 2000, had 5 related operations, 35 days of radiation therapy, which left me burned up and drained, then I went through 1 1/2 years of physical therapy. I still have Fatique syndrome as a result of the radiation, I don't need to shave on one side of my face after almost 7 years, and my salavia glands were all but destroyed, thus, I have a constant thrist that never goes away. So, I have been through medical hell too, not the marks of a coward.

J9, your true colors are showing I t hink. Playing with your emotions, or of those peoople here? I came here out of utter desperation, never had heard of this site before a few days ago. Didn't know where else to turn or have anyone left to talk to.

I hope you have more compassion then that if you are in the medical field. Geez.

If I ever check out in the way described, perhaps I will get a web cam and film it so that you can see first hand that this is no joke.

[J_9]

David,

I have much much more compassion than you can imagine, however, it is a question one must ask. So you say you have seen a therapist, if so and you were suicidal, you should have been asked this question.

You can't talk to me about it not being the coward's way out. I have lived a life full of experiences with mentally ill family members. It is the most selfish act a person can do. Look around this site, go ahead, so a search for suicide, read how it impacts those left behind because you were too cowardly to seek help. Sure you say you saw some therapists, but not all therapists can treat every problem. Sometimes finding the right medication and the right therapist can be like finding a needle in a haystack, but it is possible, it can be done.

You just don't want to do it anymore. Sure it's easy to check out, it's hard to make life work.

And I don't want to see it first hand. Not my cup of tea.

[J_9]

David,

Please call this number 1-800-273-TALK (8255).

[PurpleLagoon]

J9, wasn't being literal about the web cam thing, just trying to make a point. Let's go back to square one, before this all got out of hand. Why should a person be suffering from almost nightly horrific violent,sad, etc nightmares from the time they were perhaps 4 years old, continuing into adult hood and still goes on at age 54? With no evidence of PTSD. That's the real issue. I am afraid to go to sleep, but my body aches for it, thus I have been on sleeping pills, by 4 doctors advice for the past 7 years just to get the sleep the body needs. That's the real issue. The checking out talk is just a last resort, and even then, what written guarantee is there that I won't step into something just as bad on the other side? To me, it's very much a personal purgatory.

[RubyPitbull]

PL, I just found this thread.

Please understand that a lot of people look at a question on this site with the intention of answering, and realize that they aren't capable of helping that person. I can assure you it has nothing to do with morbid curiousity or ambulance chasers. It has more to do with the fact that this is a public forum and not everyone here is an expert. Frankly, if this were my post, I would rather they would pass me by than to give me input that was more damaging to my mental health. Look at a lot of the posts. We have a lot of kids and teens who are very insensitive and say terrible things to people looking for help. We also have a lot of people who post real issues as a joke and enjoy winding us up. That is what J_9 was commenting on. She is a very compassionate woman.

But enough about that stuff. We aren't going to get anywhere focusing on the wrong issues here.

I am not a mental health professional but I do understand what you are talking about. I have had the same condition regarding dreams thoroughout my entire life. I can remember as far back as when I was 5 when the nightmares began. I have always compared it to a movie playing out. They are so real and vivid and there is usually a beginning, middle, and end. The tidal waves, someone drowning me in a river, odd creatures,. I am also left-handed. Although I do not have perfect eyesight, my sense of smell is extremely acute. I annoy people when I mention that I am smelling something and they don't have a clue as to what I am talking about. My hearing in my left ear is very acute. Not my right. :confused: Not sure what that means. But, I was labeled as a the sensitive one in my family.

There is an acute difference between us however, because my translation of those dreams is very different from yours. They don't torment me. I have always found them curious and interesting. Yes, sometimes they scare me enough to wake me up and make me nervous. So, I make a cup of tea, turn on the television to something "fluffy" or silly, or pick up a book of fiction that is fun and read, until I am calm enough to go back to sleep. They don't effect my waking life, I guess because I refuse to let them. When I was a teen, I use to wonder about reality and dreams and which was which. Exactly what you have expressed here. It prompted me to study psychology in college. I veered away from a career in therapy because I recognized that I didn't really like that aspect of it. I didn't have enough patience for people. But, the education has served me well in my working and personal life. In learning about myself, I found that a lot of people have the same problem you and I do. Most people aren't effected in the way that you are. I don't think the Dream Studies were useful for you because they don't give you the explanations that you seek. They just monitor and collect data. You become a guinea pig in these studies. That is not helpful to anyone but the people conducting the studies. You need to dig down, and figure out why these dreams are causing you such distress and driving you to contemplate taking your own life over them. Personally, if I were you, I would want answers. You have a family that cares about you. Suicide is never a cure for a problem. You need to actively seek out someone who can really help you with this, understand it, and make peace with it.

I would strongly suggest that you do seek out help in the form of therapy, the correct therapy for your problem. This is a link that should help you in taking the first step in resolving your issue. I don't think sleep medication is what you need. That is just a band aid for the underlying problem and is not a constructive or helpful solution.

Psychology Today: Find A Therapist

Type in your zip code and in the "I'm looking for help" section, click on Anxietys or Fears. There should be a few names in your area that will pop up. Sometimes it takes us going through a few different couselors before we find the one that is right for our specific problem. Please don't give up hope. There really is help out there for you. You just need to be proactive in your search for help. And, if the first therapist doesn't help, tell him/her to stuff it! Continue your search for the therapist that is right for you and is willing to help you through this. You shouldn't have to live your life like this, and you don't have to.

[PurpleLagoon]

Well Ruby, at last an answer that has merit to the exact problems being described, for that I am thankful and amazed. When I don't have classical nighmares, my dream life is still intense, detailed, in full color and sound. Been that way all my life too. I mentioned the left handed bit, because some feel that true lefties are wired wrong, from a genetic point of view. They say 10 -15% of people are lefty, but if you really look around hard, I doubt its more then 5% at best. Just go to any large restaurant, you almost never see anyone eating left handed for example. I have always been a "sensitive", even as a child. I can smell mik or meat going bad at least 2 - 3 days before anyone else would even begin to notice. Certain smells, i.e. Ranch Dressing, Sour Cream, or so pungent to me, I can't even stand to be in the same room as them. When I was having my bouts with olfactory hallucinations, it was always the same, a strong, acid smell, like battery acid, and it would overcome my lungs as if I were being poisoned, then it would just disappear. No reasonable explanation has been found yet. Very sensitive to any kind of loud noise, really gets me unglued, even if its sound or music that I like. Hearing, wish I didn't hear so well, I sit in a large private office at work, I can hear entire conversations, every word, from offices 3 and 4 doors down the hall without even trying or wanting to.
Don't know why some of us are made this way, to me it's a curse and a blessing together.

[RubyPitbull]

I have the same problems with smells. People think I am nuts when I won't touch milk that is about to go bad. They can't taste or smell it. I can. Ugh. Sounds: even though my hearing in my right ear was damaged a little when I was a baby (long story), they still effect me terribly. I worked in NYC for 15 years. You can imagine what I went through with sound and smell there!

For me, I don't view it as a curse. More like an annoyance at times. But, I am very focused for the most part. I have taught myself to tune things out. The damage in my right ear has caused a constant ringing, tinitis. I ignore it. I am not sure how I can explain to you how I managed to do it. As I said, I am very focused and I refuse to let anything like this affect me negatively. I have been through a lot in my life and my peculiarities have taken a back seat to the other problems I have encountered. I guess it has to do with what each of us has been through and the people we choose as friends or family to particpate in our lives. I have one other friend who suffers from this as well. She handles it the same way I do. Which is why I stated that you need someone to help you manage this effectively. There really is hope. I am sorry that you have spent your life like this without anyone giving you the proper help. It really is a curable condition. You need to be a pain in the arse like me. :) I won't take no for an answer. I recognize that doctors can be limited. They are human and make mistakes. So, if I don't get help, I research and move on to someone else who may be able to help me. I am not going to get into specifics here but my husband passed away from an incurable cancer. For 2 years, I fought to find someone who could give us hope. I found the foremost specialist in the field and was able to get my husband in to see him when the guy was actively turning away people. The guy was world renowned and didn't have enough hours in the day to help everyone. Pitbull does acurately describe me in some ways. ;)

So, get your butt away from the computer and start doing what you have to do for yourself. Find a professional who will listen. Don't take no for an answer. Don't sit and put up with someone who appears to be viewing you as a lab rat and isn't coming up with constructive solutions. Go with your gut feeling. That is what I do. I don't care if someone labels me as peculiar or strange. Screw 'em all. I know who I am, what I am capable of, and what I mean to the people in my life. If I don't like the way my life is going, I find ways to change it. I am of the mind that we are given one chance to make this life work. I will not let anyone bully me or abuse me. Okay, I am rambling now. But, I think you get my point. Go on PL -- make your life work the way it is supposed to. Look for help. Find solutions. Actively apply them. You will not be sorry, I can assure you of that. Start either with the phone number J_9 gave to you, or the websites she and I have provided. Just do it! And, when you get a chance, report back here and let us know how you are doing. :)

[J_9]

David, or do you prefer Dave?

I am glad we got back to talking. You seriously frightened me and I am glad you are not planning all of that now.

I was doing some research while you were off line and lo and behold you come back and mention olfactory hallucinations.

Have you every had your serotonin levels checked? Hallucinations of any kind, as well as nightmares, can many times be caused by a higher than normal level of the neurotransmitter serotonin.

I was "sensitive" as a child, but fortunately, or unfortunately (I guess it depends on who you talk to ) I grew out of it. A doctor wanted me to be sent to Duke University for testing when I was a wee tike of about 6 years. My mother and father decided that they did not want their little girl to be a guinea pig.

Now, how about contacting the NAMI link that I mentioned and see if they can refer you to someone in the Greenville area regarding having your serotonin levels checked. There are meds that can balance that out that are not strictly for sleep.

[Myth]

I would like to mention hypnosis? Have you ever tried that to try and figure out why? Or how to control your dreams. Or even using hypnosis to try and suppress them. I was just curious as to if this is an option for you or not.

[PurpleLagoon]

J9: I have been the med route, for about 4 years, being really submissive to what the doctors suggested. They even had me on Seroquel for over 3 years, doses up to 600mg daily. All it did was make me into an emotional zombie. It almost cost me my marriage at one point, didn't even realize what it was doing to me at the time, but thought I needed to listen to the doctors. Have been on and off tranzene, but it seems to have no effect, good or bad.

I agree with Ruby on some points, with an odd life, one adjusts to it the best he/she can, and for the most part, I have. But we all have breaking points.

I do not like to be on any meds. I almost never take aspirin or advil, never take cough remedies, etc. I do not drink at all, not even a beer. I don't smoke. I never do any illegal drugs, so its obvious, or should be, that I am not looking for some easy way out.

I think only another hyper sensitive, such as Ruby, could possibly understand the ramifications of having such unsually sharp "senses". Like her, I have the constant ringing, or in my case, the humming, in my ears. Been that way all my life, was not the result of injury or loud music. For the most part, you learn to tune it out, but not always.

For those wishing a personal note, I have been married for over 33 years, have 3 adult age children and two grandchildren. We are a tight, loving family unit for what that is worth.

I work as the Financial Director for a non-proifit agency that helps the mentally disabled, so I am around others all the time bearing much worse then I suffer with, so its not a question of being self-centered or feeling sorry for myself.

These ailments really, really degrade whatever quality of life I have struggled to obtain in my life.

[PurpleLagoon]

Hey myth, in my mind set, I would never allow myself to be hypnotized. Not against it in theory, would not trust the person on the other end, they could plant any idea in your head, not sure it would even work, as someone once said, you can't brain wash a brain washer. But good thought non the less

j9, david works fine, no one has ever called me dave in my whole life, believe it or not.

[J_9]

I believe it David, as that is my father-in-law's name and no one ever called him Dave either. I love the name David, it is the middle name of my youngest son.

Back to your post David. I too was sensitive when I was younger, and I do remember quite a bit of it, so I can empathize with you.

I know that sometimes the emotions just run away with you and it seems like there is no other way out, but I am glad to see that you are seeing things a little differently today.

I did get quite concerned about you after reading your other posts.

I am glad you are no longer taking the Seroquel (has some very nast side effects), and I understand not wanting to take meds, but sometimes we have to, no choices about it.

There are other meds that have much less side-effects than Seroquel.

Have you had your serotonin levels checked recently?

[Myth]

You could always have a third person there with you. Someone you trust. But hey if you don't want to then that's your decision. Thanks for at least not shooting it down cause it's hypnosis.

[PurpleLagoon]

No I haven't j9, nor has any doctor ever suggested that directly, I thought the lexapro I am on was suppose be taking care of that

[PurpleLagoon]

Myth, you would find me a very open minded guy. I believe in live and let live, no one person or group has all the answers, every situation is different. Glad to see someone willing to think outside the box.

[J_9]

Hold on David, let me look up the Lexapro, but I don't believe it controls serotonin, I might be wrong, but let me check.

BRB

[J_9]

Okay it is a SSRI (Selective Serotinin Reuptake Inhibitor) so it does inhibit the reuptake of serotonin, but not of norepinephrine.

How many milligrams per day do you take, and for how long have you been taking it?

AH... MAJOR SIDE EFFECT NOTED!!

ABNORMAL DREAMS WITH AGITATION, HALLUCINATIONS, PSYCHOSIS!!

I got the info out of my 2007 Mosby's Nursing Drug Reference 20th Anniversary Edition.

[J_9]

Page 428 if you have access to this book

[PurpleLagoon]

j9: 20 mg, for at least 3 years now. Only side affect with me *blushers* is it keeps one from almost having sexual thoughts at all. Doesn't stop one from functioning, but puts it on t he back burner. The other side affects, were there before the lexapro, and have not worsened by being on them. No, don't have access to the book you reference