[Bettagirl]

18 years ago my father plead guilty to the rape of a fifteen year old girl. This sex was consensual, however, a big mistake on my fathers part. The judge ordered him to six months in jail. A light sentence due to the fact, it was not rape. Just last year he was told he had to register as a sex offender. He did this, but is mortified at the fact that he is now viewed as a sex offender against children. 18 years had passed since this incident. He never knew he would have to register. No one cares about what happened. It's a title he now has to live with. He was forced to quit his job after being arrested there, and labeled a child rapist in the news and in the paper. He then had to leave his apartment because of this 18 year old mistake. In the confusion of all of this, he misunderstood when he was to re register and he was arrested. He then plead guilty to failing to register. It was that, or go to trial over a mistake. Before this incident happened my father had no prior sex offenses. For the last 18 years he has had no arrests for any reason. Now the Sex Offender Registry Board wants to give my father a classification of a level 2 sex offender, probably because of his last arrest in failing to re register. A level 2 sex offender is someone who will likely re offend. It is such a level that the public has a right to know where my father lives and works because of the threat he poses to the community. What threat? My father is now jobless, homeless, and hopeless. 3 months ago he was a man with a beautiful apartment, a wonderful job and was part of a community. How can this happen? The Sex Offender Registry Board is not helping the community by destroying my father. How many more cases are like his? Because he is my father, I can see, first hand that this system of protecting our children is not working. How many actual preditors have been falsly classified? My father is emotionally disabled now, and my sisters and I are currently trying to get him help. We did put in for a hearing, and we are going to fight this decission regarding his level. How can this happen to my father after 18 years? How could the system be so cruel and so wrong about his character?

[excon]

Hello Bet:

Yeah, it's screwed up. You do know that guy's who get caught wizzing in an alley get classified as sex offenders, don't you? How many times could that have been me??

Tell your dad to move to Mexico.

excon

[escott2]

I know exactly what you're going through when it comes to those sex offender laws. When my husband was 18, he had a girlfriend who was 15. Her parents were disgusted that she was dating someone out of her race and they filed charges on him. My husband and I are both 25 now, but the thought that he must register as a sex offender for the rest of his life and can't even go to events at our kids school is enough to just make me sick. The laws have everyone categorized into this one bracket and they make it hard for one to live a normal life.

[Bluerose]

This is appalling! I never knew this. I am so shocked. I knew of teachers and child carers concerns about being falsely accused of something just for helping a child or giving them a hug. No wonder kids seem so aggressive and cold sometimes. Have we stopped hugging our children for fear of being falsely accused of abusing them sexually? Oh my god! I have heard it all. I hope things change and soon.

[daHNIC]

The laws on the books places everyone in one category and this is the problem. These laws are a knee jerk reaction invoked by moral panic rather than actual statistical threat. It's like saying all whites are racist and all blacks are thieves; its ridiculously. Many people on the list are very low risk. However, it seems to be political suicide if one deems that these laws are unfair, so it will be a very long time before we see a change in them. There is no concern for the threat to civil liberties when these laws are passed. I do believe that we need the list and if convicted you should have to register, but only those who have not committed a sexual offense or any other crime for 10 or 15 years, they should no longer be listed publicly (with the exception of predators) and only law enforcement has this information. Pretty soon we will have witch hunts on sex offenders and this is not right. The punishment for the crime needs to be increased for sexual offenses and a second sexual offense should render life or the death penalty. If you have not committed another crime in 10 years after release (sexual offense should never get probation) then you should be free to live your life with out having to re-live your crime over and over in the public eye. A second offense should be life in prison or death.

This debate will go on for years
We now punish people twice for the same crime... I thought double jeopardy was unconstitutional... so we panic and justify a law and cover it with the clause in the interest of public safety


“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity” - MLK

[ScottGem]

I sympathize with the plights of Bettagirl's father and escott's husband. I agree there needs to be more levels here. Someone who had only one incident and has seemingly rehabilitated themselves should be given the opportunity to go on with their lives.

However, I must also point out, that this is a mistake that should never have been made. Escott's husband should have known better than to risk sex with a 15 year old especially at 18. Bettagirl doesn't say how old her father was or the other circumstances, but the fact remains he willingly had sex with an underage girl.

The saying goes, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

[ebaines]

There was an article about this issue in the NY Times recently. What's really appalling about some of these new laws is that some states are now treating juvenile sex offenders the same as adult offenses - so you have a kids who is say 12 years old, who is charged with molesting a 10-year old (inappropriate touching, for example), and now is permanently tagged as a sex offender. I'm not trying to make light of the offense in this example, but if that same 12 year had beaten up the 10 year old his record would be wiped clean once he reaches adulthood.

[daHNIC]

ScottGem,

The saying goes, if you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

You are right, but keep in mind they did the time, so should they have to serve the time publicly for the rest of there lives... if so we should have a human offenders list - listing all who have committed murder (any degree of it)

DUI offenders list

Theft offenders list

Assault and battery list

Animal offenders list

Adultery list

Liar list

Dead beat Dad's list

I mean this can go on for ever... here's the point: Only the most vile/offensive/predators should be listed... publicly. The individuals less likely to offend and after 10 ~ 15 year period should not be listed publicly only law enforcement needs to know.
So should all morally offensive crimes should be listed publicly.. Remember the book Scarlet Letter... These crimes affects everyone for years. Everyone is hurt or impacted someway when a criminal act is committed. We all have suffered from Enron and that hurt millions of people... families and lives were destroyed. Hey... we should have a list for this somewhere. :)


We have to find a balance somewhere... someday...


“Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity” - MLK

[GlindaofOz]

Tbut if that same 12 year had beaten up the 10 year old his record would be wiped clean once he reaches adulthood.

In my opinion sexual molestation will affect a child psychologically longer then getting beaten up. Youthful indiscretions no longer exist in our society as we have seen that some children he begin hurting others in youth grow up and continue to hurt others and their crimes escalate.

While I feel badly that this man is going through with this I have to agree with ScottGem. There are ages of consent for a reason in this country. This is why so many on this board dissuade people from attempting relationships with those over or under the age of consent. We know how badly someone's life can be ruined.

It is a shame that no one alerted your father to the fact that he must register as a sex offender and is now being classified at a different level.It seems that the laws change with each passing year.

I wish you would share this story on the teen board. So many of them think that nothing will happen to them if they date an 18 year old or a 19 year old and engage in a sexual relationship. I believe your story could really open their eyes.

[ebaines]

It is a shame that no one alerted your father to the fact that he must register as a sex offender and is now being classified at a different level.It seems that the laws change with each passing year.

In this case the term "sex offender" and the rules regarding registration didn't even exist at the time Bettagirl's father committed the crime. With other crimes you serve the punishment that is on the books at the time you commit the act. Suppose you are sentenced to 5 years for armed robbery, serve the time, and are released, and then later the legislature ups the punishment to 10 years -- the cops don't go out and re-arrest you to make you serve the added time. In this case Bettagirl's father is subject to punishments that didn't even exist at the time (i.e, the sex offender registry). Seems to me that 18 years and a clean record should be taken into account here.

[ScottGem]

Seems to me that 18 years and a clean record should be taken into account here.

You are right, but keep in mind they did the time, so should they have to serve the time publicly for the rest of there lives.....

Don't get me wrong, I do think that the law should be adjusted. I think the likelihood of a repeat offense has be judged by competent medical authority. In cases like those mentioned here, the likelihood of a repeat offense seems unlikely, and such people should be taken off a public list.

And to ruin a kids life because he played doctor with a willing young cousin when he was 10 would also be carrying such protection much too far.

[college4u]

This is really odd because this was an ex post facto law which means the laws of 18 years ago where applied then and now they require him to register should get a lawyer as of now

[Bluerose]

I hope someone is taking note of how ridiculous a lot of this is. We are rearing the untouchable generation. We all need to be touched, held and hugged from time to time and no one needs it more than a child. I'm thankful that I am a woman, a woman who would not think twice about picking up and hugging a child in tears. What man can do that in this day and age. I have witnessed my own son looking around for someone to pick up a little kid that tripped over in front of him. I pray TPTB get some perspective on this very soon.

[BEEN THERE]

I lost the best accounting professor over this same area when the college added child development classes and whoops some of the instructors didn't make the cut! What is the old saying, if you take everything from a man he then has nothing to lose. Way to rehabilitate! My ex husband was forced from in his home when a neighbor found out he was on the list. Just got a daycare licence. Never kept kids there having the licence was enough to do the trick. Most sex offenders would like to register and be complient but they have no where to go. Each State is racing to pass harder and harder laws so there state isn't deemed easy and all the sex offenders don't flee to that state. Most people were told they didn't qualify for the list it was just for preditors, then they were told they would be off the list in ten years with no incidence, Then they change the list to 20 yrs. When is a body given the chance to buy a house when they have to keep moving changing residence, jobs. If we are to make them outcast, homeless and hated, why let them out at all. Put them all on a deserted island and leave them or shoot them. But don't give them false hope at a normal life someday and then take it away! To me that is cruel and unusual punishment..

[Fr_Chuck]

And I hope many of those who come here and post, I am 20 in love with a 14 year old, can we date ? This is a good example of what can happen to them

[donjacobs]

I am so sorry to hear about your dad. I will tell you what the problem is and what to do about it. The problem is that people who make our laws are put there because they are elected to be there. So even though the right thing to do would be change all these laws to deal with every single offender on a one on one basis that will never happen because as of right now any law maker that tries to do something about it would pretty much be handing over his or her job for doing so because they would never be elected again. So what that boils down to is that the people who vote need to be educated on the subject.

It has been gaining a lot of attention and there will come a time when some new law maker steps up and says hey these laws are not right so lets change them. It will be a big surprise because there are so many guys like myself who are on that list for doing nothing at all.

You think your dads story was crazy then check this out.

Me and my buddy picked this girl up one night. We had met her over the phone through another friend. We pick her up and not even being back at my buddies house for 10 minutes this girl was trying to get it on with us. I was a virgin at the time and I actually had to push this girl off me and I went into my buddies living room. They came up stairs 20 minutes later and we drove the girl home. The girl called me for 3 weeks after that night saying she wanted to be my girlfriend. I was like ummmm no I don't think so babe. She would not stop calling me so finally I cussed her out and I'm not going to lie I cussed her out bad and told her she was a whore, which she was and still is. 20 minutes later her mom calls back saying me and my buddy raped her daughter. I was laughing at first like OK is this some kind of joke. But they went as far as to press charges. Only being 21 years old at the time my lawyer told me hey we will 99% win the trial but there is a small chance if she gets up there and crys like a little girl the jury could find you guilty. I was scared and made a plea deal. They only reason I agreed to do the plea deal is because my lawyer told me I have never been in trouble before and 1 year after probation is over I could file for expongment. Well 1 year after my probation was over they made a new law saying that kind of record can not be exponged. Grand father clause much. Now that Ive registered for 10 years for something I did not do they made another law saying I have to do it for another 5 years. It's a joke even to this day it does not make me mad. I just set back and laugh at all the stupid little people in the world who have no common sense. That crap does not effect me every body in my town knows me and they support me 100% and they know it's a stupid law.

Here's the crazy part this girl that did that to me has did it to a buch of other guys but the court system is so messed up they let her get away with it all the time. I got some revenge though because I always said what goes around comes around. Stupid girl got put on probation for smoking pot and violated her probation. Lol Now she's in jail.

[wynelle]

While I agree that the sex-offender laws need to be re-evaluated, I think that some of them are there for a really good reason.

In the original letter, the poster's father had sex with a 15-year old girl, and it occurred 18 years ago. Now unless the original poster is an extremely literate teenager, her father had to be in his mid-to-late twenties at a minimum when he had sex with the teenager.

Do I think it is wrong for men in that late twenties to mid-thirties to have sex with a fifteen year olod girl? Dang straight I do. And I think it was wrong 18 years ago, too. And obviously a judge 18 years ago thought it was wrong or they wouldn't have put him in jail for 6 months. And there is no indication that he hasn't had sex with other teenagers-- just that he hasn't been caught. AND, to wind this all up, when he had to register the first time, he would have had to sign all the paperwork that told him when he would be required to reregisted-- like whenever he changed his home of record.

So this sob story, while touching, is factually misleading.

[Patty119]

Lawyer told me hey we will 99% win the trial but there is a small chance if she gets up there and crys like a little girl the jury could find you guilty. I was scared and made a plea deal.