[gypsy456]

Gypsy, thank you, I forgot to tell you that. I am definately changing, and it is a funny thing to see. I thought i would be "that" way forever. Thanks for the imput and hope to hear from you along my journey!

Anything to support... that's after all what we do give each other here on this Forum, right ?

We grow...
And be grateful you are not like "that" forever.
Forever is a long time :)

We learn.
Every day.
Every single time I read an answer on this board I learn something.

Take good care,


Gypsy

[startover22]

Yes, every time I read a post or an answer, I seem to think a little harder, and gather up something to write that I thought I would never write. Thanks again. Start

[shatteredsoul]

YOu sure are a tough cookie, dealing with all that financial crap and your husband's health! That's enough to send anyone over the edge. I have my house on the market right now, not a great seller's market either. I would be freaking out with 2 payments! I know you see the other side, the light at the end so you know you will make it. Wouldn't it be nice to just enjoy your spouse without all the bull you have to endure. Bills, laundry, kids fighting, the list is endless. When does it ever get to be about just you and him? I know I have to make arrangements to get away from everything with him, or we never would. He is a workaholic, (not complaining about that) and sometimes it's hard not getting to do fun stuff as much as we would like. We do spend time together at night when the kids are in bed, but we are exhausted a lot times. I can't wait for things to get better for you, you deserve a break. I hope your husband gets better too. That must worry you!! Does he take care of himself? Works a lot of hours? I know my husband doesn't do much to take care of his health. I worry that will catch up with him. Well, I have to get my daughter at dance, so we will talk more later.

[gypsy456]

Geez Startover22... that's a lot you are going through.
It's a lot to be a mother of 4, dealing with your hubbies health and the financial juggling. The house market is tough... we are looking to buy and well, the question when you buy is also: will it keep its value. So yes, I can imagine that this is a tough time for you and your family.

I think it's great to have the Forum.
It feels like just "me" time.
It's a great way to vent and to share with others !

Speak soon !

[startover22]

Thanks guys, he is not THAT ill, but it definitely could be an ulcer. Everything will be working out fine, it is just working it out is sooo stressful. Poor me, yeah right! We are strong...

[shatteredsoul]

Ulcers are painful and they are caused by stress. It would be great if he could find an outlet for himself. I know yoga and stuff probably wouldn't interest him, but maybe you guys could start walking together at night, with the kids or without. I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but here in South Florida it's nice out in the evenings. (Not too hot or humid) Or we go down to the beach and walk on the boardwalk. Even the park is nice. Anything outside with nature seems to have a very calming effect. Paying attention to the sights and sounds around you. Even watching a sunset. I am just throwing out examples that have helped us relax a little. Until the kids fight or something! Or maybe you two should take turns going for walks by yourself or with a friend. Whatever works for you! However, I am sure all the financial issues are weighing him down, they are the biggest source of stress for most couples! If you stay calm and positive I am sure that will help. This place is a stress reliever for me, but my husband would never talk to people about his problems. He is way different than me on that subject. Although he does have to listen to me, and you know how long I can go on and on... Have a great evening!

[startover22]

Yes, he is in pain for the last 2 weeks, thought it would be the flu, but Doc says it could be ulcers or even just a pulled muscle. I am leaning on the ulcers. Only because Dustin knows his body and doesn't think it is a muxcle thing, it is deeper than that. I feel bad for him, being depressed about our situation and feeling like crap can really take a toll on someone. He could lose a few pounds, that is not to say I couldn't get in shape either. I am pretty thin, but it all just sags on me so I could get my muscles in shape and he could shed a few pounds. We are going to do some walking in the evening. Thanks, hugs, Start

[shatteredsoul]

I think you will definitely benefit from walking at night! I am sure you are beautiful and just very hard on yourself. Well, you can always walk with little weights and build muscle at the same time.! You have four kids, and no one is perfect. If they are, they put way too much emphasis on it and are probably so self absorbed the are a holes anyway. Ya know? I think he will be fine, its just that guys usually define themselves by what they do, what they make, etcc. (Not all, but a lot) Well, if he hasn't been able to control the situation financially, he probably feels that he is a failure on some level. He isn't, and I am sure you try and give him so much love and support. Just remember, how you deal with the tough times will affect him too. Try and stay positive and when he gets down, look for ways to get his mind off it. Get out with him and forget about all the stuff at home. I think you two are going through something that will ultimately bring you closer together. You are a very loyal wife who loves him dearly. That is obvious. Yet you are both growing, changing and dealing with the financial woes of life. If you take it as a learning experience and try new things to handle it better, I promise things will be o.k. I see you also do a lot for others, taking care of foster kids and stuff. Make time for you too. Maybe you and your friend go to lunch and get a pedicure. Or maybe get a massage for you and your husband, or a friend if he isn't into that stuff. ( My husband won't go get one, so I have a little spa day with the girls) Maybe plan a trip to somewhere you've never been, something to look forward to. This will give him an opportunity to see past where you are now. YOu are always going to have bills to pay and a house to clean, life is here to enjoy. I say grab it by the horns and get out there! I sound like a stupid Royal Caribbean commercial! I am so cheesy! LOL Anyway, we went to Costa Rica a few years ago. We went with a couple that we are friends with. We spent a couple months planning, worrying and figuring out what to do with the kids. It was nerve wracking leaving them at first, but once we got there, we had the time of our lives!! We went swinging on ropes in the rain forest, rode ATV's in the mountains, the guys went deep sea fishing, we had so much fun!! I don't think you have to go that far to have fun, but plan something different to experience together. It is important to nurture each other as a couple and to create time to do things alone. Family trips are fun too, just different. Just some suggestions! I hope you have a great day- talk to you soon! XXOO

[startover22]

Thanks Shattered, there are some really good points to consider here. This is already bringing us closer, because instead of arguing over money or pretending there isn't a problem, we have been talking A LOT lately. He is definitely a man's man. He has an ego and to tell you the truth, I think a mans ego is very important. Dangerous at times but important... He is a good , honest, hardworking, man and he deserves to beable to pay the bills. The last two years are the first years that we haven't had two jobs each, me taking care of the kids in the day and working at night, and him working days and part time at night. Crazy, but that is how we made things work for a while till we could get ourselves together. I am pleased to say that we are proud of each other for making it this far. As for the walking, we haven't gone yet but we will. I threw out my back so we will have to see when I can get out there. I think I will make reservations for the both of us somewhere cool and get Nana to babysit. Great idea. Thanks guys, I am growing, I love it!

[shatteredsoul]

Hey Start! How is your back doing? That really sucks! I am glad to hear you are going to try and get out with him. You two are such hardworking people, you need to give yourselves a break. SOmetimes you have to initiate and plan it, but in the end everyone wins. You probably don't like to impose on people a lot and you don't want to leave your kids with people for a long time. Guess what, you need to. YOu will be happier spending time alone w your hubby and happier when you get back to your kids. I don't want to sound like I am nagging, but you two need a release from all the pressures. I can't wait until you have a great night out and I get to hear all about it!! I have to get back to work now... xxx000

[startover22]

My back is feeling better thanks! I go again to the chiro today but I really need to find a regular doctor and some time to go there. Sheesh how busy can I be from 7am to 6pm?? Ok MOM, I will plan a date. We tried to go out last night but it ended really bad, I said some things I shouldn't have but things that I wanted him to know. He gets angry easily and I know when to stop, I just didn't I just kept going on and on like I didn't even care about his feelings and oh my gosh I really feel bad today. Not because he heard the words but how I said them, you know what I mean. Any way we have a lot of talking to do AGAIN. Poor guy. Poor me. I love him just the same and I know he does too. Hurtful words can hang around and I just want them to hurry and get out of here. Hugs to you. Start

[shatteredsoul]

What's Up??

[startover22]

Nothing... Whats up with you? Hee hee

[shatteredsoul]

Good Morning sunshine!! Another beautiful day in paradise! Talk to you soon