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zooropa1985 · May 1, 2007, 09:58 AM

My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as I see it being sexual abuse.

Do I have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but I just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest I'm trying to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

EDIT: WHEN I SAY GET HER BACK I Don't MEAN REVENGE, I MEAN GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isn't anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but I don't want to be seen as the bad guy if I do report him. My ex begged me not too when I first heard about it.

I feel that if I did report him, even to her parents then I would completely lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet I still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you

startover22 · May 1, 2007, 10:10 AM

I think it is up to her to make that decision. Please don't act on jealousy, you could tear a bunch of lives apart with this, including your own. I am not saying what he and she did was right, I am just saying that there might be another reason she doesn't want to come out with this. I think it is awful that he took advantage of her age. I know you are upset about it. Sorry you are feeling this way. If it were up to me, I would let her take care of it.

zooropa1985 · May 1, 2007, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by startover22

I think it is up to her to make that decision. Please don't act on jealousy, you could tear a bunch of lives apart with this, including your own. I am not saying what he and she did was right, I am just saying that there might be another reason she doesn't want to come out with this. I think it is awful that he took advantage of her age. I know you are upset about it. Sorry you are feeling this way. If it were up to me, I would let her take care of it.

Yes you are right, she was the one it happened too.

You have to understand though that she went into great detail about what happened, and the worst part is that everyone likes and trusts this guy, what if he did it again to another girl? Maybe even younger?

He was trying to chat up one of her friends just 6 months ago, he said he couldn't get anyone his own age, it worries me

startover22 · May 1, 2007, 10:22 AM

Now that would worry me too. You know what, maybe you should have a talk with him. Is he a violent guy? Could it do him some good to know that other people DO know about what happened?

zooropa1985 · May 1, 2007, 10:26 AM

Originally Posted by startover22

Now that would worry me too. You know what, maybe you should have a talk with him. Is he a violent guy? Could it do him some good to know that other people DO know about what happened?

I don't personally know the guy, I have seen his bebo and know what he acts like. She has told me many stories about him. He seems like a nice guy but really he is involved with some dodgy stuff.

She has asked me to stay away from him as I was going to confront him about it, he had phoned me girl saying they had chemistry together, this was when I was seeing her, he asked did she love me. It does worry me that he may do it again, I don't know what to do, I want my girl to trust me but I don't want some other poor girls innocence lost.

excon · May 1, 2007, 10:31 AM

Hello zoo:

I have found that it's not a good idea to snitch on somebody. It just isn't. Of course, lots of people think otherwise.

excon

startover22 · May 1, 2007, 11:44 AM

I think that if you are honestly worried about this grown man around young girls then something should be said. But, there is some jealousy in your voice, so I can't really tell if you are really worried or if you just want to have revenge...

zooropa1985 · May 1, 2007, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by startover22

I think that if you are honestly worried about this grown man around young girls then something should be said. But, there is some jealousy in your voice, so I can't really tell if you are really worried or if you just want to have revenge........

To be honest it's a bit of both, maybe I should just leave it alone.

I love her and the thought of a man doing what he did, he took her virginity and that's something I can never share with her.

Ill leave it alone... it would be for the best

Thank you for your advice

Anayden · May 1, 2007, 11:53 AM

It isn't your say. If it was consensual then its not your call. You aren't her parents. Let it be. If you do there won't be a chance of you being together. So its your call.

SnaveLeber · May 1, 2007, 10:40 PM

16 is old enough to have sex with a 60 year old if she wanted. I was forced to move across the country because when I was 15 I had sex with a 21 year old, who is now my fiancé, who waited for me until I got back, who I love very much... Im now 18 and don't regret it a bit.

Auttajasi · May 1, 2007, 10:59 PM

Perhaps this is an area of her life that she wants to put behind her, and you may be trying to prevent that. It sounds like you are Christian so this is an easy answer: just move on and let God take care of it. If you are so worried about paying him back, trust me God will take care of it. Just move on and take care of this girl that you obviously care a lot about. I like how you think though. Peace.

emopunk7 · May 16, 2007, 01:41 PM

Hey my friend... My ex was touched while sleeping by her father... She told me one day while she was crying and I didn't know how to take it. I could never really be friends with the father and I always dreamed of me beating him up. Sometimes I even thought of telling her sisters to get back at her for dumping me but she told me out of trust and as mean as she was to me, I'm not the same no matter what she thinks. Leave it to her. You will feel better you did in the long run. U'd probably hate yourself for telling when it's not what she wants... So whether you get back or you don't just forget about her and live your life. We are going through the same thing right now. Lets make right decisions in our lives as of now. Our lives will be great! It's hard to think about the things they told us, and it hurts because we love them, but it's their life. As an internet friend, I don't think you should.

Regno · May 17, 2007, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by zooropa1985

My ex who is 18 now lost her virginity a then 27 year old when she was 16, this being northern ireland she was just a minor.

No one knows about this apart from me and a few of her friends. I want him to pay for what he did as i see it being sexual abuse.

Do i have any right in reporting it to someone, even her parents, she said it took two to tango but i just can't accept that. She has begged me not too and t be honest im tryin to get her back so this would actually lessin my chances of that.

EDIT: WHEN I SAY GET HER BACK I DONT MEAN REVENGE, I MEAN GET HER BACK INTO MY LIFE.

The problem is that he is a free presbyterian and acts like he is saved, he certainly isnt anymore as this happened not so long ago. Everyone seems to think he is a nice guy but i dont want to be seen as the bad guy if i do report him. my ex begged me not too when i first heard about it.

I feel that if i did report him, even to her parents then i would completly lose her altogether, its tearing me apart inside but by keeping quiet i still have some hope that she will come back.

Your advice would be very helpful.

Thank you

If she wasn't raped and quoted it takes two to tango, plus, has begged you not to mention it. YOU MUSTN'T TELL ANYONE!
You definitely won't gain any respect by doing so, and you won't get her back.
This is part of her past and not yours.

chuff · May 22, 2007, 05:16 PM

Who is TimBob? Are we missing a back story or is he a troll?

As for your ex, guess what. I Don't believe her. I think this is just a drama story and even if it's real you have no business reporting it? I don't know about Ireland, but in the United States, where the legal age is 18 and 17 depending on the state if I went to the police and said, my ex girlfriend had sex at age 16 with a 27 year old the police would look back and say to me "so what?" All that is, is hearsay... from an ex boyfriend of all people.

Speaking of which, have you ever actually heard his version of this story? No you haven't. You haven't even met him. Your going on the story of a woman who dumped you by text and then won't tell you why but I'm supposed to believe that she slept with this other guy 2 years ago who was older. Why that is relevant to you I don't know. Why you would believe it, I don't know. But beyond that, where is your evidence other then from some one that can't tell you to your face she's dumping you or tell you why after you ask for an explanation. Talk about character assignation. Hell she never had any so there was nothing to assinate.

Maybe I'm speaking from the BS that I constantly see in the United States legal system and their friends in the media looking for a juicy story but time and again I see this story of a guy did something to the woman and everyone just believes the woman without a slice of evidence against the guy. You got nothing other than a pathetic story from a pathetic woman. You by your own admission have never even met the guy, much less heard his side of the story. And best of all your explanation comes from someone that won't give you one.

I'm not trying to knock you but come on, grow up and think outside of this emotional bubble your in.

bhayne · May 23, 2007, 01:21 PM

Reporting a crime is everyone's right. What happens afterwards is for the police to determine. I'd report it in a heartbeat! Of course, I may be bias because I have a daughter!

steviebeezie · May 23, 2007, 01:30 PM

Age of consent varies from country to country. In France, for example, it would have been completely legal. Not trying to excuse him, but just saying, it's not a cut and dry thing. In any case, I don't know UK evidentiary rules, but here in the U.S. if you accused the guy and she didn't testify, there's nothing the authorities could do about it anyway, especially now that she's 18 and two years older. Sorry man, the guy may be a bit of a pervert, but there's nothing you can do, and you're just going to piss your ex off.

Squiffy · May 23, 2007, 01:38 PM

I would stay out of it. Its not your business, you have no proof she is telling you the truth about it, so you could end up ruining a mans life for no reason. If it is true, and she wants it reported, she can do it, she is an adult. Keep your beak out and don't worry about mistakes she may or may not have made. 16 may be illegal where you are, but in a lot of the world its perfectly legal so I don't accept that at 16 she didn't know what she was doing with this man. Not many 16 year olds are THAT naïve. Leave it be, move on.

chuff · May 23, 2007, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by bhayne

Reporting a crime is everyone's right. What happens afterwards is for the police to determine. I'd report it in a heartbeat!! Of course, I may be bias because I have a daughter!!

Reporting a crime that you have no proof of is not a right. In fact, in the United States at least, reporting a crime that did not take place is a crime in and of itself. That is exactly why our prisons are filled with men that did nothing wrong but can't get a fair and impartial jury on top of fighting against the powerful and unlimited resources (and let's be honest the lies, shocking as it may be to believe that government prosecutors would actually lie to save their case even if it means sending the innocent to prison) of the state's their being prosecuted in. Because jury members come in already seeing a woman and seeing a man and presuppose that a crime has been committed... sometimes in the face of insurmountable evidence that suggests otherwise. What's worse is sometimes no evidence is ever presented at all. As in this case. There's nothing in that story that is believable and theirs even less to believe when you see that the woman uses men and toys with their emotions.

talaniman · May 26, 2007, 08:32 AM

Before you go to the cops, are you thinking of what the female will be put through, and if it was consentual, it really is none of your business, and for as bad as you feel, butt out and get over it. No good can come of this.

zooropa1985 · Jun 7, 2007, 07:18 AM

Ok guys first off all I'm not going to report it but I have spoke to the guy and he did do it!

The fact that he drove a 16 year old school girl to a strange house at night, got her to perform oral in his car before taking her back to his house to take her virginity from her, sounds bad to me.

Im annoyed but he has tried it on other school girls, her friends in fact and even tried it on with her while she was with me, that's when I threatened him to stay away from her.

She hates him for what he did, imagine if it was your girlfriend that got used in that way, I can't help but feel anger.

Im not going to report it but there's rage inside me when I think about it, she went into great detail about what they did.