[startover22]

Honestly Synnen, I am glad everything is fine for you now. BUT, are you disagreeing that there was nothing else to do but cheat. That is my only point here. My only point. I guess if my husband wouldn't pay attention to me then I would try everything in my power to make it right, or get a divorce and date when I was absolutely free. Also, myself worth and self respect would have been enough to stop me from going over the line. You were weak at that point in your life, I totally understand that. Still that is no excuse. Just answer the question, was cheating your only out?

[Synnen]

Cheating wasn't something I planned... that's what I'm trying to point out.

It was also not an "affair" by technical definitions... more a one-night stand while I was committed elsewhere.

I was trying to get attention from my husband, the man I loved. NOTHING I was doing, including leaving, got that attention.

All of a sudden, someone ELSE was there, showering me with attention. It was like being on a drug.

It was probably not my only out, but it also wasn't done with malicious intent, and was stopped as soon as I actually "cheated". That was when I woke up from what at that point had been kind of dream-like. That's when I ended the affair, told my husband what happened, and started picking up the pieces of the mess.

[saraispiel19]

I don't get thαt "I wαs trying to get αttention from my husbαnd, the mαn I loved"
Then you cheαt on the mαn you loved?. or do love? Whαt?
But well you sαid your over it but is your husbαnd?.

[startover22]

Thanks, I appreciate you answering truthfully, you are the only one that has so far. Good girl for "waking up". I appreciate you working it out in defferent ways with your husband. I guess what I am trying to get at is that, I hope this never happens to me... I try hard every day to make sure my husband feels and acts like a man. They go hand in hand. He acts like one when he feels like one! See you soon.

[saraispiel19]

lol sometimes I don't wαnt my husbαnd to αct like such α mαn.

mαn + more testosterone = neαnderthαl

[Nosnosna]

I've cheated. I've been cheated on. I've been the other man. In fact, at one point all three were going on at once. And you know what? None of it was planned, I never sat down and thought 'well, it's time to start treating her badly.' It's a gradual thing. Six months of friendship leading up to a kiss that wasn't supposed to happen, and then it's just me playing Pandora and closing the box with 'fidelity' left inside.

Most people don't just up and decide to cheat one day. Most have something lacking in their relationship, and find something fun elsewhere. That leads to cheating, even though they know it's not the best idea, because it's fun, and fun can't be all bad, right? Like Synnen said in hers, she was basically just another person in the house, not a wife. THAT is what leads to most cheating, not some evil desire to mess with somebody else's life. There are a lot fewer homewreckers out there than you seem to think, and a lot more people who just make a decision that they may not like later.

If you've never cheated, then don't say you never would. You simply don't know. It's all well and good to sit in your happy place and say that it's not something you would do, but you know what? I said that once, too. And here I am today, having cheated. Use all the logic you want today, but know that when it comes down to it, it's going to be emotion and impulse that drive you. Get down from your high horse until you speak from experience.

I don't think I'd cheat again, but I might. I can't say anything about whether I'll be cheated on, obviously. As for being the other man... well, that's another thing entirely. I'm not going to put a higher standard on somebody's marriage than they do, because they're the one who defines it. They make the decision. They have to live with it. It's not my place, or your place, to make that decision for them. The only thing the other man or other woman does wrong is when they think that it's going to last. And even that's a mistake in judgment, not a mistake in action.

[startover22]

It is not only the cheater that lives with it, it is the other half when they find out and the children if there are any. This really ruins lives. Can't you guys see that? I just can't understand you people very well. Look at our society and what is is coming to. There is no right or wrong any more. Give me a gosh darn break.

[Nosnosna]

Yay, a red dot!

Seriously, cut the ad hominem attacks. You're coming off as a jerk.

[startover22]

You just proved me right! I don't know what you are talking about a red dot??

[startover22]

Do I really look like a jerk when I am only trying to say the truth. Can anyone put right and wrong any nicer? I am not calling anyone names... I am only standing up for what I believe is right and wrong! Good luck to all, and I still have yet to see the red dot. I am new here, haven't gotten it down yet.

[startover22]

Ohhhhhhh, the red dot. Thanks a lot!

[gypsy456]

Can anybody enlighten me on The Red Dot??
Am I missing something ? :) :) :)

[startover22]

I think it is when someone gives you a disagreeing rate. Right, somebody? I think...

[gypsy456]

Ah... personally I love polka dot :)

Thanks for explaining startover...

[saraispiel19]

I hαve α purple dot "i'm some whαt positive" hαhα! yes!!

[startover22]

Does anyone want to open this up again, there are a few people giving me feedback on this lately! I think people are reading through this still? Are you?

[saraispiel19]

Nope I'm not I forgot this post even existed:p

[ddog22]

Keeping a marriage together is a wonderful thing!

[JoeCanada76]

Welcome to the site ddog22.

[shatteredsoul]

Yes, it is a wonderful thing that requires a lifetime of compromise, mutual respect, love and an understanding of each one's growth and changes that they go through. I am sorry I missed out on this topic. It sounds like it got a little heated! I guess you know how to get things going startover, Ha Ha. As an outsider to all of this, I can see why it is so hard to not look past your own opinions. I know start takes her marriage and family very seriously and her life is dedicated to being the best wife and mother she can be. She doesn't waiver in her beliefs and she is sure about what she knows is right and wrong. I do admire that and I think its good to have such a solid belief system. With that said, I too have been the one who thinks no matter what cheating is not the right choice. I haven't ever done it, but I have had the option and sort of stepped on the border of allowing myself to think about it. I never acted on it, which I guess is what separates me from a "cheater". Yet, I think not everyone has the ability to refrain from acting on impulses or feelings that fill a void within them . Sometimes they aren't strong enough to not give in to their sexual desires. For me, its simple, I just don't do it and I don't let anyone think they have a chance. That is me. Other people, it isn't so black and white. I guess what we have to learn from it is tolerance. YOu don't ever have to accept cheating in your own relationship, but you can learn to step back and take an objective look to see why maybe someone else did. Maybe in not being judgmental, you can learn something from their mistake. Maybe that mistake ruined their entire life, maybe it made them come closer and have the best relationship ever. The bottom line is everyone has their own boundaries and limits, this is because we were all given free will. Yes, to you it is about right and wrong, to them it is about learning the tough lessons in life of self control, living a life with integrity and being honest and trustworthy to yourself and those you love. Maybe the lessons came to you easier and you didn't have to cheat to understand that, for others they had to experience the consequences to learn it is wrong and hurtful and devastating. Then there are some who seem to have no conscience at all and they will never see the light. Well, Instead of judging them I would pity them. They will never experience true intimacy in a relationship and whatever relationships they do have will be based solely on sex. MAybe they think its enough, but really they are just selling themselves short. They don't get it. That is frustrating when people who are just home wreckers come in and destroy everything. The one who chooses to be with someone like that just gets taken down in the process too. It is sad thing all the way around and definitely a good topic to bring up!!