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mettlica · Apr 30, 2007, 08:53 AM

My girlfriend tells me that she loves me and I believe her, we have been together for about 3 months and things have been going great, recently, however, we have been fighting about some things and we have realized that I can be too clingy and controlling at times and I recognize that and am trying to work on it, also, I have been away from her for the past week or so because of sickness and I can't be there for her when she needs me. That being said, while I was away she had some issues and went to a guy friend of hers who is a friend of both her and me, he is a very nice and caring guy, but there is one problem, he likes my girlfriend and he told her so. Last night I finally got out of the house and met with her and she confessed that she does have some feelings for him, but that she also loves me and I believe her, she has also said that she needs space to concentrate on other things in her life and I understand that and need time of my own. She has also told me that she will always love me and will always be there for me, but she doesn't know if she wants to be my girlfriend anymore, maybe friends would be better she said. I don't want to go from being her boyfriend to being only her best friend because I love this girl and I want to be with her through both the good and the bad times, I think that we can work through this together even though she says that she truly doesn't know what she wants to happen. I love this girl and I want to be with her, but I don't know what to do anymore. If anyone could offer some advice, I would be very happy to hear it.

phillysteakandcheese · Apr 30, 2007, 02:59 PM

When she says she loves you, she means it's the kind of love that goes away when you're not in the room...

It sounds to me like she is either trying to let you down easy so she doesn't hurt your feelings too badly, or is keeping you on the line in case her better offer doesn't work out.

She's not committed to a relationship with you... You're a second choice.

Madcap710 · Apr 30, 2007, 03:44 PM

It's like a slap in the face. I love you, but I like someone else, too. It just doesn't sound right, no matter how you put it. Move on, my friend, and find someone who will appreciate you.

Skell · Apr 30, 2007, 03:52 PM

Sorry but she doesn't love you. And not just because she is jerking around with one of your mates, but because she doesn't even properly know you yet. You can't fall in love after 3 months. Not in my opinion anyway. It takes time to develop true love.

Anyway, that doesn't even come into it when she says she has feelings for someone else as well.

Id be getting as far away from her as possible. Realise it was only 3 months and be thankful you didn't stick around longer to get hurt even more by this girl because that is the all she is going to do to you.

Go a little slower in the future and move forward with your eyes and ears open for signs like this.

talaniman · Apr 30, 2007, 03:59 PM

I can understand the confusion, but she has let you down easy and has other things on her mind. If you can accept this, and go quietly and move on with your life and leave her alone, the confusion will clear and you can save yourself a lot of bad emotions. We call it NO CONTACT to give yourself a chance to heal from a break up. Sorry. She may try to put you in friend zone but with your feelings still fresh and the shock of being dumped still new that's a bad idea. Disappear from her life basically, until you can deal with it better and your emotions are under control.

mettlica · Apr 30, 2007, 04:46 PM

Thank you for your responses, and slowly but surely I think I am coming to the realization that what you are sayings is right, but its somewhat more complicated because she has told me that I am her best friend and she has told me that she doesn't want to lose me in that facility if and when we break off our relationship, also we are both in kind of deep because we both have had and continue to lead very rough lives and we have come to depend on each other to be there to here and listen to each other and help each other through things, I if we do break it off I don't know if ill be able to be there for her because I am hurt so bad. And during this fight, things in both of our lives suffer because we can't work it out and other things that she love suffer because this fight is in the back of her mind. I want to stay with her, because our past was so good and I want to have good times like that in the future, because she is one of the few people that can make me truly happy, but she can also make me feel like this. There is little doubt in my mind anymore what will happen between us, but if someone could offer me some advice on how to get through it it would be received with the deepest of gratitude.

JoeCanada76 · Apr 30, 2007, 04:53 PM

Sorry bud, but she does not want to be your girlfriend anymore. I agree with others she was trying to let you down easily.

3 months is not really that long and there will be girls that come and go. Just take this time to realize this is nothing you did. No matter what you think.

Best thing you can do now is nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just do your own thing, Enjoy your own time. You need to let this one go.

Best of luck.

Joe

talaniman · Apr 30, 2007, 05:14 PM

but if someone could offer me some advice on how to get through it it would be received with the deepest of gratitude.

If you aren't going to listen, then what good is your gratitude? You've already had some great advice.

mettlica · Apr 30, 2007, 05:28 PM

I know that it has been great advice on what I should do in the situation itself, what I meant was what I should do if we do break it off, like how to go on

gypsy456 · Apr 30, 2007, 05:37 PM

Let go...

It's only been three months and it will hurt you but move on.

sypher373 · Apr 30, 2007, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by mettlica

i know that it has been great advice on what i should do in the situation itself, what i meant was what i should do if we do break it off, like how to go on

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...tml#post375086

This post should help you. It's a great list, and will definitely give you a good start. Tons of great items in that list, and plenty to keep you busy.

Personally, I find the gym, music, and watching funny things on TV to help a lot. A good comedy movie, or just hangin out with my friends and having a few laughs has helped a ton.

sydneywagga1 · Apr 30, 2007, 08:09 PM

Wow, you and I need to get together! I'm hearing the same thing. At least you didn't invest 4 years in it like me. A secret life in the basement of porn and flirtations online until he asked if his old girlfriend could move in and be the cook and the maid - and have sex with me (she wants me bad).

Also, I've had a hard time separating the hurtful treatment with the loss of my house, my dogs, my ever-present creative projects in renovating a house. I think I just need a new renovating project! I mentioned this to him and he said he'd help! With help like that, who needs a...

It would be laughable if I weren't so heartbroken. But we're missing what never existed. Let's go out and find the real thing! Hey, how old are you? Heh heh

mettlica · May 1, 2007, 09:22 AM

I thank everyone that tried to offer me advice, and I am sorry that at first I didn't want to hear it, but I am glad I did, because after more talk with her, we both decided to just end it. I apologize to talaniman and others if it seemed like I didn't heed your advice, I heard it, I just didn't want to listen to it, thank you for it though, I needed to hear it and prepare myself for what I knew was coming, even though I didn't want to think that it was coming. So thank you for your advice

sypher373 · May 1, 2007, 10:07 AM

I know its not much consolation, but three months is really not much time at all.

Take comfort in the fact that it happened now, and not in 5 or 10 years. Trust me, that would be harder.

mettlica · May 1, 2007, 11:02 AM

Thank you everyone who has offered advice, it has really helped, and I will try to not think about her even though I will see her everyday, we still go to school together, and try not to make it awkward between us, thank you all

mettlica · May 5, 2007, 03:32 PM

My girlfriend and I recently broke up, it was kind of snuck up on me, I didn't see it coming at the time, but looking back I see her point but I know that we should have been able to and could have fixed things. However while she was breaking up with me she told me that no matter what happens that I am her best friend and she wants to be friends. I know that I will be able to be her friend because I have been in this situation before, but I know that it will take a while for me to be able to get over her and go back to her simply as a friend, but she wants to simply be friends right now and its insanely hard because I really miss her and want her back but I don't know if she feels the same way and at the same time I want to be her friend if that's what she truly wants but I know that that will take a while. And the whole problem is made worse because our senior prom is coming up and she really wants to go with me and I with her, but she wants to go just as friends and I couldn't deal with it if I ruined her night because my feelings might show themselves and make her night unbearable because she has been dreaming about this night for a long time. I really want to go with her and give her an amazing night. The thing is I really want her back as my girlfriend and I can't get over her because we talk a lot and she calls me. I want to just buy her roses and tell her that I love her and want her back. But I know that I should respect what she wants and be her friend but I also get the feeling that she might want me back and I really don't know what to do. So please, if someone could help me decide what to do... I love her and want what's best for her, but at the same time I want to be with her... please help

sypher373 · May 5, 2007, 04:08 PM

If she truly respects you and your feelings, she will have no problem understanding that it is too hard for you to remain friends so soon.

I for one applaud you for realizing that it is going to be tough for you to remain friends with her so soon. It will take time to get over the fact that she is not your girlfriend anylonger, and you need your space to deal with that.

It is great that you are thinking so rationally about this, and you know how hard it is going to be, and you are prepared to take some time to yourself.

As I said, she should be able to understand how unbearable it is for you right now, and if she has a problem with it, maybe you should reevaluate your standing as friends at all.

mettlica · May 5, 2007, 04:12 PM

I know what you are saying and I do realize that this is going to be very tough, especially because I am her best friend and I really want to be there for her as her friend. But at the same time (in a very selfish way I think) I really want to get back with her and that fact compounded with our prom coming up in a week I don't know how I am going to do this, like I said, I want to tell her how I feel and that I want to get back together, but that would in turn jeapordize our friendship and I don't want selfish feelings on my part to ruin that.

sypher373 · May 5, 2007, 04:16 PM

She doesn't seem angry with you, and it seems as though you still have some sort of communication. Is it possible to discuss your concerns over the prom with her? If it is only a week away, chances are your seating is assigned and there isn't much you can do short of not going... am I correct?

mettlica · May 5, 2007, 04:20 PM

Well our prom is not that formal, but yes it is still possible to discuss it since we still have good communication, but that is what kills me, because the more I talk with her the more I miss her and it makes me want to be back with her but I know that that probably won't happen so I have to be friends which will make prom that much harder but we both can't think of going with anyone else