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lzm3 · Apr 23, 2007, 06:32 PM

I'm going through a divorce and it's been miserable. He is the one wo wants the divorce, but won't do anything to get it. I have asked him to move out so I can attempt to be amicable with this thing, but he refuses saying he will get screwed over if he does. So he and my kids and I are all here, miserable. He doesn't want the house, he simply will not leave and I don't know what to do.

lfsxthnudie · Apr 23, 2007, 06:35 PM

File it yourself and get a restraining order. If you really want out you are prolonging the pain and making the kids suffer, because as long as dad's there they see hope. If you still love him ask him to go to counseling- maybe he doesn't want to leave at all but is so bitter about whatever problems you two have had he'll say anything. Good luck.

scorpio124 · Apr 23, 2007, 11:15 PM

I totally agree with Ifsxthnudie. This is an unhealthy situation for all involved, especially the kids. Your husband is causing you and your children a lot of grief and false hope. He needs to grow up and be a man about it. What exactly does he mean by he will get screwed over? Does this mean he may be afraid that he will have to pay child support/alimony etc? If he decides that he doesn't want marital counseling, you must file for a divorce and /or restraining order. Also, it sounds like he is thinking about how he might be affected, exclusively. What about the false hope that he is creating for your kids?

Matt3046 · Apr 23, 2007, 11:27 PM

Originally Posted by scorpio124

I totally agree with Ifsxthnudie. This is an unhealthy situation for all involved, especially the kids. Your husband is causing you and your children a lot of grief and false hope. he needs to grow up and be a man about it. what exactly does he mean by he will get screwed over? does this mean he may be afraid that he will have to pay child support/alimony etc? If he decides that he doesn't want marital counseling, you must file for a divorce and /or restraining order. Also, it sounds like he is thinking about how he might be affected, exclusively. What about the false hope that he is creating for your kids?

In all fairness, if he leaves without separation papers filed it looks like he walked out. You just need to go and talk to a lawyer, it's expensive and no one wants to pay but this is a situation where Name: avatar_1500.gif
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Name: avatar_1500.gif
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it must be done.

lzm3 · Apr 24, 2007, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by lzm3

I'm going through a divorce and it's been miserable. He is the one wo wants the divorce, but won't do anything to get it. I have asked him to move out so I can attempt to be amicable with this thing, but he refuses saying he will get screwed over if he does. so he and my kids and I are all here, miserable. He doesn't want the house, he simply will not leave and I don't know what to do.

I couldn't agree more regarding the difficulty this is causing for the kids. Since he is unwilling to go to marriage counseling with me, and has been very nasty towards me in the meantime, I have made an appt. with a lawyer. How does one get a restraining order when I haven't been physically endangered. Only emotional and verbal abuse which is impossible to prove and might really cause problems going forward?

ScottGem · Apr 24, 2007, 07:07 AM

Originally Posted by lzm3

I have made an appt. with a lawyer. How does one get a restraining order when I haven't been physically endangered. Only emotional and verbal abuse which is impossible to prove and might really cause problems going forward?

That's what you hire an attorney for. You finally made the right move in making the appt. Now go see him and get his advice.

ballengerb1 · Apr 24, 2007, 07:13 AM

If he is attending counseling I'm not sure a restraining order would be productive or even appropriate. Restrain him from what is the big question. Your attorney will know how to proceed, and if there is a restraining order down the road, he can handle it.

scorpio124 · Apr 25, 2007, 12:35 AM

In most cases, a restraining order is intened to protect a person (whether married or not) from any physical pain or injury or the THREAT of physical harm. You mentioned that he is emtionally abusive. This sounds like this could possibly turn ugly. Regardless, you have taken the most important step to see an attorney. He should be able to navigate you through all the legalities.. I know it's tough because Iam going through a divorce now and nothing seems to be productive until you see that lawyer and you will feel less anxious and uniformed... best wishes and hang in there

47yo · Apr 26, 2007, 10:32 AM

Originally Posted by lzm3

I'm going through a divorce and it's been miserable. He is the one wo wants the divorce, but won't do anything to get it. I have asked him to move out so I can attempt to be amicable with this thing, but he refuses saying he will get screwed over if he does. so he and my kids and I are all here, miserable. He doesn't want the house, he simply will not leave and I don't know what to do.

What state do you live in? It's a common misconception that if you leave the house, you will lose your share of it. In California and other "no fault" states, it doesn't matter who is in possession of something - it's all community and gets divided equally - but not until the divorce is in progress. Most states have "self help" resources at the courthouse - you need to file the divorce papers yourself, get him served and then start negotiating on the issue of the house - either you stay in the house and buy him out, he stays and buys you out or you sell it (and obviously both move out).