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robin1978 · Apr 23, 2007, 11:34 AM

I've been married for 6 years. My husband and I visited Ireland about 5 yrs ago. We live in NC, USA. His mother is going to Ireland again in June with her husband and has invited my husband and 5 yr old son and agreed to pay their way. My husband has said yes.

They're not paying for me and our 3 year old daughter because she would not remember it later, and I've already been. The reason they're paying for our son is he would go all to pieces if he were separated from his Dad. Our daughter is likewise insanely attached to me. I have no problem with them not offering to pay for me to go, but I don't think my husband should go. I won't be worried about my son too much, but I will miss him. He would be gone for 8 days. I don't think it's right for him to leave half of his family all alone while he's out of the country and I'm working. I was just wondering... should I feel hurt or should I sacrifice and let him go with my blessing?

Thanks!

RubyPitbull · Apr 23, 2007, 11:55 AM

Robin, I could be wrong but something doesn't sound right here. So what if a 3 year won't remember it when she is older? That is what cameras are for. Family albums filled with pictures and happy times are something your children will cherish when Grandma and Grandpa are no longer around. This is an invitation that should have been extended to the entire family, not just your husband and son. If you don't want to go, then that is another story. Were you not invited to join them? Or did you choose not to go? If you chose not to go, then you should allow your husband and son to go with your blessing.

gypsy456 · Apr 25, 2007, 02:33 PM

Why were you not invited??
It feels like a part of the story is missing hee...

Should you not want to go... well, in that case let your husband go.
After all... what is 8 days ?

However.. it feels like you leave out a big piece of the situation :)

However

TheSavage · Apr 25, 2007, 02:51 PM

Hard to believe your husband did not just say -- we are a family and we do all things as a family. -- Savage

talaniman · Apr 25, 2007, 03:03 PM

Family vacation is for the family and unless you've talked and agreed then separate vacations are not that good in my eyes. I see nothing wrong with hubby and your son going as long as you have talked and agreed on it.

kp2171 · Apr 25, 2007, 03:14 PM

My wife and my son went to see her mother in the south for 9 days while I worked back at home. I had no problem with that. While I certainly want a vacation now and then, I'm more than happy for my wife to get one without being what-about-me too much.

The only concern id have is child care on your side. As long as you have care covered when you are working, then I think its fine... except he probably should have talked to you first... but you know when your parents make plans sometimes the gut reaction is to say yes.

I plan on taking my son camping with me when he's older, and my wife won't probably come. Some bonding time between a parent and a child I think is healthy. I remember trips I took with my father and grandfather when I was a boy without my mother. They were some special "guy moments"

So... I guess my take is a little different. He should have talked to you first before he said yes. But I don't think the idea of him taking your son for a week and leaving you with your daughter is awful. Id be thrilled for my wife to get some time away, paid for, and for the parent and kid to have some special time together.

There's no reason you can't make the time alone with your daughter something shell enjoy too. A 3 year old is old enough to remember trips to the zoo, park, etc.

Not to mention that your husband might not have been alone with his parents for that long in quite some time. I recently took a couple of shorter trips with just my mother on the road... it was nice. Even though it wouldve been nice to have the whole family. But giving your husband some time with his parents also isn't a bad thing. It doesn't all have to be the entire nuclear family all the time.

I say let him do it and see no malice in it. Plan some events for you and your daughter. There's a lot of things we can get ourselves worked up about. This, alone, doesn't seem to be one that id lose any sleep over.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 25, 2007, 03:51 PM

IF you don't want him to go, he should not go,

With that said, my wife and I often travel to different places, because of our schedules and different careers.
* we actually never just vacation, since almost any trip in our lives have something to do with one of our careers.

But I would have no trouble with my wife going for a couple of weeks with a trip with her mother ( she often does that on a music tour) if it was something she wanted to but again she would have asked me first before she planned anything.

** I will say also , if your son would have seroius issues if his dad was gone for 8 days there is some issues here that need to be addressed also.