[ordinaryguy]

Once your children are adults and are able to decide who they want in their lives, they will make that choice based on how you conducted yourself during this time. Again, your children will only be young for a short period.

The whole response is dead-on, but this is a gem, and I have to highlight it. Probably the biggest change of perception that parenthood, and now grandparenthood, has wrought in me is the realization that childhood is SO SHORT. I remembered my own childhood as lasting a long time, so I wasn't fully prepared for how short it turned out to be for my children. It is vitally important to keep this fact in mind as you go through this.

[jackie223]

If she wants a divorce but she hasn't done anything to really get one seems like something is missing, maybe you should take her away on a vacation just you and her [if money is the problem maybe just a weekend at the beach] she might need your attention she seems confused,it happenens as we get older we don't know what makes us happy, and if that don't work you need to start the divorce then maybe she will see that she needs to make up her mind... Good luck

[familyman2]

Great MOMOF2, thank you. I will do everything you recommend.

I did lose this battle. But the bottom line is that the kids are in school here, and will sleep in the same bed on school nights (except for Sunday, when the ex will bring them in Monday mornings). We'll see how that works out!

And you're right about the joint custody thing. The kids will know in time who had their best interests in mind. I guess I am still just very hurt from the whole thing and am reasoning from frustration and anger, instead of realistic logic. A couple days here and there won't matter in the big picture.

So it seems as the custody issue is working itself out. Will we still need to submit to the evaluations before the final custody agreement is signed? Are there any things I need to be aware of before we reach a financial agreement?

On a final note: The kids love school! They like their teachers. And I get to walk them into their classrooms every morning. It really is a good thing!

Thanks again MOMOF2. I am grateful for this information.

[talaniman]

They will throw all the marital assets into a big bowl and divide it. Property will be sold or bought out. My question is will she pay child support, or does she get alimony??

[Jennifer1204]

I know exactly how you feel... this is almost a carbon copy of my life.
The truth was... He wanted ME to pay for the divorce ( that's why he stalled on getting things started)... so HE could tell the kids that I paid for the divorce, making it out that I was the bad one. Please be careful. Don't let her have anything... believe me, I will never be that stupid again!!

[contestingwife]

My husband informed me today that he was going to file for a Divorce. We have been married 18yrs, and have 3 children. One is of age so custody for him isn't an issue. The other two said they will not live with him. Anyway, I think after years and years of no communication and resentments building up it's bound to explode. I have went to counseling, he has not. I am not perfect, I get that but he thinks he has done everything right. Anyway, puleeeeeeeze lol. I am upset and can't quit crying. I am not surprised by this really, I think I knew it was coming. I told him to do what he has to do, he can file he can pay the money and I will contest it until the cows come home. I have stayed home to raise our kids, sacrificed my career to make sure our kids had the attention they deserved. They all are wonderful kids, not in trouble or anything. I don't regret staying home, except in the fact now I have an old education, even though I am very technically savvy. Sucks to be on the receiving end, but hopefully I will not end up on a street corner living in a cardboard box. After 18yrs, divorce seems very complicated. If he does indeed file, I will contest it and then get an attorney on my husbands dime. If he wants all out war, well I am not going down without a fight.

[jackie223]

My husband informed me today that he was going to file for a Divorce. We have been married 18yrs, and have 3 children. One is of age so custody for him isn't an issue. The other two said they will not live with him. Anyway, I think after years and years of no communication and resentments building up it's bound to explode. I have went to counseling, he has not. I am not perfect, I get that but he thinks he has done everything right. Anyway, puleeeeeeeze lol. I am upset and can't quit crying. I am not surprised by this really, I think I knew it was coming. I told him to do what he has to do, he can file he can pay the money and I will contest it until the cows come home. I have stayed home to raise our kids, sacrificed my career to make sure our kids had the attention they deserved. They all are wonderful kids, not in trouble or anything. I don't regret staying home, except in the fact now I have an old education, even though I am very technically savvy. Sucks to be on the recieving end, but hopefully I will not end up on a street corner living in a cardboard box. After 18yrs, divorce seems very complicated. If he does indeed file, I will contest it and then get an attorney on my husbands dime. If he wants all out war, well I am not going down without a fight.

Hey listen, think of yourself as lucky, it's a start of a new life,, take him for everything he has,, you will not be living in the street,after 18yrs of marriage he will not only have to pay for 2 kids under age but also will have to pay you monthly,, why I say you are lucky is because I wish my husband would go get a divorce, I have been married to a man for 19yrs since he was medicaly discharged form the navy on 0 percent[thats another story]11yrs ago he has not gone to work, he use to go maybe 2xs a week but its been months and the doctors refuse to write letters to disabilaty so we can get some income in the house his mommy has been paying the rent,, I go back to work next week full time I have 4 kids at home,, I keep telling him to move out but he has nowhere to go,, once I get on my feet at this new job I am going to the court house and finding out my rights and how to get him out,, he takes up space does nothing around here but sleep and eat,, you will be fine and don't know if you believe in GOD I always did but never like I do now, if you let GOD in your corner I can't see anything you can't handle,, keep your chin up there will be better days,,
Good luck

[contestingwife]

Well after a long discussion last night, he decided we can try to work things out. This is not the first time, but I am willing to try because it seems like a big hassle separating things after this many years. He is not abusive, he works hard has a good pension (which is half mine lol). :D He said he checked into it, but he hasn't talked to a lawyer or anything. Things really started around the time his mother passed away about a year ago in a fatal car accident. He has been suffering depression, but going to a doctor for it. He just started seeing a counselor last week, so I hope that will help things. Marriage is a difficult thing, I still plan to stay on top of things. My biggest fear is having no place to go, because of being a stay at home mom. But I am planning to look for a job that is similar to my kids schedule at school so I can still be here for them. I also don't want the threat of divorce hanging over my head, or walking on eggshells.
And yes we are both believers in Jesus, I prefer for divorce not to be an option.
Hopefully God will put our marriage together like it should be.
Thanks for being here and listening, I appreciate it.
I am sorry for your situation, I wish things were different for you. You sound like you have an excellent plan and are ahead of the game. :)