[canadianbacon]

Me and my girlfriend of 1 and 1/2 years recently broke up. She initially broke up with me, but then came back saying how much she missed me and wanted start things again slow, like dating, but only as friends. After a week of this just friends thing, I told her that we're either exclusive or over, because it was too confusing to date her as a friend only. I ended the dating thing after she said she wasn't ready to be a couple again. That was 6 days ago. I have been following the "No Contact" approach, still saying "Hi" when I ran into her, but don't call her, IM her (blocked her screename), text her, whatnot. However, 3 days ago she called for the first time asking if I wanted to get icecream and hang out. I told her that it wasn't a good idea, that I couldn't be her friend right now, and that I needed some space. The next night, she called AGAIN asking to get icecream. I said it wasn't a good idea, but she begged and pleaded and I gave in (I know, I shouldn't have, but I'm still in love 8( ). She told me how she missed me, and how I was still the first person she wanted to call when something happened, how she hasn't hooked up with anyone (I didn't even bring that up), and how she left the bar crying hysterically the other day (didn't say it was because of us, but I am assuming so). I AGAIN told her that we couldn't be friends, and that she needed to stop calling me. Later that night, I got another text saying "how is your night?" I didn't respond. She texted me again, today, asking to hang out and maybe go for a run. I am SO confused. I'm so confused, she doesn't seem to get the message. I want her back so bad, and she knows that. Why can't she just respect my wishes to have space and that I can't be her friend? Or does she want me back and just afraid to? WHAT DO I DO? :confused:

[Gem07]

Your ex-girlfriend sounds very, very confused and her inconsistency is causing confusion for you. She initiated the breakup and then came back but wanted to start over as friends. You couldn't go back to friendship and told her so. She doesn't care what you think and wants to arm-wrestle you into being friends. Sometimes she acts/talks like she wants friendship; sometimes she acts/talks like she's in love. My head's spinning from this girl. I can't imagine how you're dealing with it.

All you can do is be consistent in your message that you do not want to be friends because it's too painful. Ask her to respect that. Don't accept any more of her seductive ice cream dates and messages of pseudo-love.

If she doesn't leave you alone, you can either accept this yo-yo behavior forever or until she starts dating someone else (whichever comes first) or accept that you have your very own stalker.

[cutiex1986]

You said that you have been following the no contact approach. This girl knows how badly you want to be with her. As soon as you stopped calling her most probably she got upset because she did not have your attention anymore. Then she started texting you or calling you. She did this in order to attract your attention and later most probably to dumb you again. I think she is just playing you. Don't follow her game and don't see her again until you get totally over her. She is no good for you. She is just playing with your mind and heart. I personally think that it is a matter of ego. She just want you because you told her to leave you alone. Maybe she doesn't even know herself what she wants, but this doesn't mean that she can "invite" you whenever she wants in her life and when she gets bored, confused or doesn't want to be in a relationship throw you out again.

[Lez]

Do you want to be with her that bad that you will give her that time that she needs and in the meantime show that you care by being there for her no matter how much it hurts. But also telling her that you need to have time to think about things.
Would you want to loose total contact with someone that you think so much of. Give each other a little time to sort what it is that you want and be honest with each other in saying what it is you do want.

[canadianbacon]

I talked to her again and told her to PLEASE respect my wish for some time, and she said "Ok, I'm sorry". That was that. We only had this discussion midday yesterday, but I have yet to get a call/text. Hopefully things workout and if it's meant to be, great, if not, I'll get over it. Thanks for all your input. :rolleyes:

[canadianbacon]

So me and my girlfriend broke up about a week ago, but I never really got any closure. She called me in the middle of the week and told me how much she missed me and stuff, but didn't mention anything about getting back together. The problem is, it is SO HARD to try and get over her if I continue to think that there is a chance she wants me back and that she will "realize her mistake" and come back. What should I do? Would it be reasonable to call her up and ask if there is any chance of reconciliation? Or should I just continue trying to move on with the hope of her coming back looming in the back of my head? Please help, I'm losing control of my life over this girl, she was my first love and I can't forget about her! :(

[Secret_J]

I sense that she broke up with you correct? Maybe she regrets her decision and is telling you all this because she does want to get back with you. If this girl is really important to you, and WORTH it, then talk about giving it a second chance openly and see what she says about it - if she seems doubtful then move on.

If you feel that she isn't worth it, (and I don't know why you guys broke up so I'm speaking in a general sense) then the only way to really move on is to cut communication completely and take control of your life again. You can never forget about your first love, but you can move on with your life. Keep yourself busy, hang out with friends and family, do sports or other activities to keep your mind off it.

[talaniman]

You want closure? No you don't. You want to find out if there is a chance of you two getting back together plain and simple. If you ask her she will tell you, how free she wants to be, and can't we be friends or maybe someday. They will fill you with false hope and confuse your emotions, and make it hard to get over that first love. Either confront her for that so called closure, or get serious with no contact.

[canadianbacon]

Ok, sticking with "No Contact". It's so hard... but it seems like it's the best way. Bah... you girls can mess with a man's mind pretty well, let me tell you... :-P

[mckenzie134]

Either go no contact and that means when she calls don't answer ring her back three days later. Or when she rings answer the bloody phone and ask her what do you want we are broken up. Say if you want to get back together and give it another chance then we will and if you don't please don't ever call me again. Simple I think you are to scared of getting the answer that you my not want to hear but if she says well I just want to be friends then tell her you already have enough friends so stop calling me I don't want to know you anymore. Then if she rings againg just keep hanging up!! Get real and get the answers you need to know where you stand or you will be going crazy for months...

[SAB123]

I would try to find out if she just want to be friends and if so say I don't want to be friends. My ex always wanted to be friends after break up and I told her no then she came back weeks later. The sooner you know the faster you'll be able to move on and get healty. My Ex fiancé broke up with me (5 times) and she also was my first love. Until you come to terms and let go you are not going to heal. The next 3-4 month are going to be hell for you, they were for me. And when she broke up with me she never told me why she broke up with me which made it even worse. Not noing what you did wrong. She did finally tell me months later but I loved her so much I did not want to let her go (That was my first mistake) My second mistake was taking her back on the 4th break up because the signs where their at this time with my ex but again I didn't want to let go. Heal yourself and read my threads and others, you are not alone. I did do NC on all my break ups with her and she did come back. I'm not saying yours will do this its because I was my ex's doormat. I realized this when I started letting go of her this time and the advise from these great people on this site. So hang in there my friend

[canadianbacon]

So... I haven't talked to her since last Saturday... and she just called 10 minutes ago. I didn't pick-up, but she left a message asking if I wanted to study with her, to just give her a call back. She started the message with "I know you told me not to call you and all, but...", so she knows I don't want to be friendly right now. Why can't she just get the danm hint and give me time to recover and move on. Anyway, should I call her back and tell her that she needs to respect my wishes, call her back in 3 days, don't call her back? This No Contact stuff is so confusing :confused:

[DesignDude]

I think what she is doing (knowingly or unknowingly) Is that she knows you are there and you are hurt. She's doing the yo yo thing, It drives her crazy that you can forget her, so she tries to initiate contact and reel you back in to your pain. I don't really know what she's like, and this does not mean I am right. I just get the hint that she is just confused much like my ex lol. Don't know what they want and they get scared at the first sign of you not contacting them for an extended period.

[talaniman]

This No Contact stuff is so confusing :confused:

No not really. If you pay attention, and maintain the no contact, you will see a lot of things that you were blind to before. So now she wants to study with you? And you believe that??

[canadianbacon]

I believe she wants to study because she still wants me to be that "friend" to her, and seeing me I guess would make her comfortable. Nonetheless, the only way I will sit down and talk with her is if she wants to talk about getting back together. I'm trying hard to move on, and not dwell on the fact that she may want me back or not, but I am trying to use No Contact as more of a "move on" strategy nowadays.

[talaniman]

she may want me back or not, but I am trying to use No Contact as more of a "move on" strategy nowadays.

Tht's what its mean't for.

[mckenzie134]

I hope you have not contacted her and do not answer for another week. She is definitely just feeling lonely that she has not heard from you. When she rings in a few days answer and tell her this has gone on long enough and you are over it now. Tell her you don't think it would have worked between the two of you anyway cause your just too different, then tell her anyway I might see you around, Have Fun Bye. She may well then message you saying she wants to get back together or she may leave you alone either way you can then decide what you want. I know you want her back at the moment but I had a similar girlfriend 4 years ago and as soon as you didn't contact her she wanted to ring me to make sure I was still dangling around in case she wanted me. She didn't reallywant me and waas cheaing anyhow. Ill tell you now if she found another guywho she's keen on you would be out the door before you could blink. Your best option may be to just tell her move on and its done this will be hard but there are better girls out there than this...

[canadianbacon]

"Ill tell you now if she found another guywho shes keen on you would be out the door before you could blink."

That's the weird thing. This guy who was always "just a friend" before we broke up has been hanging out a lot with her lately, so I have heard through the grapevine. I also saw her out with him and a group of her friends the other night, and they seemed pretty close. I started having a feeling, near the last few weeks of our relationship, that she might have thought of him a little more strongly than she was telling me. I'm a little upset by this, but we're broken up so it's understandable. But why would she keep me "dangling on" if she already had a new interest? I would understand if she had no guys, but she had plenty of men waiting for me to get the boot. Oh well, 'tis life.

[talaniman]

You've already got it, as you wrote it in your post 15. She has to make sure she has you as a friend.