[Samantha0808]

I recently started dating (a month ago) this man who is a very genuine, caring and kind guy. He really likes me and deeply cares about me. We talk all day everyday and meet whenever our schedule permits. However, he doesn't trust me because he has been cheated on in the past. I have a social circle that involves guy friends, I do modeling and pursue other hobbies that involve interactions with other people. I have tried and explained that I am not his ex, and I am trustworthy. I told him some incidents about how much attention I receive (this was when we started talking) from the opposite sex and he thought that was a major red flag. However, we talked about it and things were going fine. Yesterday we were chatting while he was doing his online classes, and around 8.30 in the night he said he got some work and would be right back. I got up and stepped out to head to the gym. When he texted me at around 9 I said, I stepped out to go to the gym. He was like - 'why are you lying to me, no one goes to the gym at this time'. I was shocked to hear that. I was like what does that even mean. So he told me that I was going to the gym to meet someone (I had told about a person who had asked me out who I met at the gym, when I was single even though I never went out with that person regardless of my relationship status). I am just too honest and share things with an innocent mind. So yesterday he was like, I was going to the gym at 9 (specific time) to meet someone at the gym, else there was no need for me to leave at that time because we were chatting till then. He was not even sure if I was going to the gym. I felt deeply hurt and I asked him to apologize. He said he didn't have to apologize for something that I did. I reached the gym and tried to talk to him over phone and I started crying. And he was like, ok now you can cry so some guys can come offer their shoulder for you to cry on. And we had an argument over that and I told him that this is why probably your ex cheated on you, and that he probably needs to go to therapy to fix his own issues. This angered him and he was like it was so insensitive for me to bring his past into this argument. He was like he accept that he has insecurities and that him questioning me was because of his own past experiences and that I am aware of it, but it was extremely inappropriate to bring his past into the argument to deliberately hurt him and that he was deeply hurt for me saying that. Now he is mad at me for saying those. Me being an extremely honest person, who doesn't even tell a white lie was so badly hurt. I felt pity to myself for having to explain my innocence. And after a while, he said sorry and was like, 'you know my insecurities, yet to decided to act like this, by just leaving your home without telling me'. I tried so hard to make things fine, but he started being mad at me and wouldn't answer my calls because I brought up his past. His sorry wasn't enough to erase the hurt I felt, even though I apologized for what I said. I can't figure out if I should reach out to him again and have an open talk about this, or if this is a major red flag and should just end this at the moment. I don't know if bringing up his past was something I shouldn't have done. I know that these questions are coming from his own past experiences and he hasn't had enough time to get to know me as a person. As such, he is an honest person and I have no issues trusting him because I am trustworthy and I don't question people like that. He also values relationships and I know he didn't get into this to play games with me. But, he doesn't seem to feel the same way about me. He also asks me sometimes if I would find someone else in the future. I am not that kind of a person who keep looking for better options and hence it is hurting me a lot. Is it worth continuing this relation hoping that we can build trust over a period of time?

[talaniman]

It takes years to build trust and break down walls built from the past. Only you can decide if this person is worth the roller coaster ride that you will surely encounter with this NEW person in your life. I say no risk, no reward, and that's on both your parts, as there is much for you both to learn. Pretty typical I would say of any new relationship, no matter the amount and nature of the baggage to be unpacked by either of you.

Just stay honest, and direct and see if he does his part in the heavy emotional lifting to meet the challenges required to deal with this getting to know each other. Always remember that you deserve as much dignity and respect as you give him and accept no less. Seems you have done that so stick to it. I don't care what his insecurities are you have the perfect right to set boundaries of good behavior that work for you. If sorry ain't enough when the line is crossed...say so. If he can't deal with it positively then his words and actions don't match up very well do they?

Rather early though to commit to someone who has yet to prove they are as committed as you are so back up to balance and evaluate more reasonably, and objectively as opposed to just emotionally. Sound good?

[Samantha0808]

thank you so much for this response! I really appreciate it and it makes perfect sense. I would need to take some time and decide things.