[Salamander86]

Hi there!

I've been seeing someone for 2 years or so now and I have come to realize I have a major issue with him: he is not ambitious, is perfectly fine floating through life and from job to job. Since we started talking, prior to us even dating, he always said he wanted to go to school to get his tickets / certified (I don't know the correct trades language) to ensure getting better positions if he left one company and went to another. This job was out of town and he has since moved home so now, once again, he starts at the bottom/ is being paid significantly less again. I've asked him several times if he plans on going back to school like he always said and he never signs up, doesn't do anything. Then he says he's going to go to school for an entirely different career.. then he goes back to he is going to stay with this career. To add, he only needs about a year and a half of school as he has accumulated well beyond the required number of hours needed for his apprenticeship program.

His current job is going to last three years and the contract is over. He doesn't know where he will be working after and this level of uncertainty terrifies me. I'm 33 years old, he is 30. I have two degrees, am a health care professional and I can move almost anywhere and have a good paying job. He cannot.

6 months ago I gave him an ultimatum: show some sign of securing a stable financial future or you'll lose me. I was very flexible with it and all I wanted to see was some sign of progress such as actually looking in to the program, looking in to literally Anything! I just wanted some glimmer of hope. I've come to realize you cannot change a person and trying to motivate them makes me feel like his mother. In the end, he sent an e-mail and had his hours transferred to the region where we live. That's it. He has not even looked the program up. I even offered to get the sign up process going on the last day of registration and his response: "nah".

Ultimately, I am at the point where I want to settle down, I want a family, I want kids and I am terrified of settling with someone who won't even go to school for less than two years to ensure he gets a higher paying job / he can obtain higher positions rather than starting over every time he changes sites. I love this man very much but I'm afraid this issue I have will only continue to grow over time.

Do I leave?

[Wondergirl]

I was also in a bind. I loved (and dated for over five years) a very nice guy. My mother couldn't stand his father (nor could many other people), and finally talked me out of marrying this very nice guy.

You've actually answered your own question. As my mother would say, "There's more than one fish in the sea." So yes, I did find another very nice guy -- and have been married to him for over 54 years.