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    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #61

    Jan 29, 2018, 12:08 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    WG, is this what you manage to deflect so deftly, day in and day out?
    I figured he could add that to his list of obsessions. :D
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #62

    Jan 29, 2018, 12:43 PM
    WG, did you foresee that I would self-destruct eventually?
    Allen Farber's Avatar
    Allen Farber Posts: 191, Reputation: 1
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    #63

    Jan 29, 2018, 01:03 PM
    Not a troll. Once again, I'm extremely sorry about all this. I didn't foresee it going on this long either. You don't have to worry about me being on this forum again. As for saying it's funny, I can understand that from an outside perspective. I just look like some practical jokester when I'm not trying to be and it really makes my peers and potential employers distance themselves from me.

    I'm sorry but I don't have a happy place. There's nothing happy about it and there's no enjoyment I get out of this. The fact that all of you are becoming increasingly annoyed with me (not to say you're in the wrong) just makes it more evident to me that I'm just a liability
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #64

    Jan 29, 2018, 01:18 PM
    DARN it, now I feel for you again. I have a close friend who is very annoying (and had a serious breakdown in his 20s, 50 years ago) and I get mad at him but somehow we still stay friends.
    No one is wanting you to go away (I guess I should speak for myself).

    I worry about my friend. He's in danger in several ways. I think you might be too, when you are alone and angry.

    One of the cardinal rules of emotional GOOD health I need to remember is to not get so embroiled in people that I feel responsible for them. That leads to frustration and that leads to anger and so on.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #65

    Jan 29, 2018, 01:40 PM
    Allen, I'm a perfectionist and used to drive my mother crazy when I'd make one mistake on a homework math paper and then would tear up the entire page (back when students used pencils) and start over again. Maybe that perfectionism is what made me a fantastic library cataloger. :) I married a guy with a refined version of OCD. Soooo, you have my sympathy and understanding!
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #66

    Jan 29, 2018, 10:03 PM
    Allen, yes, this thread and most of the others you start, asking question after question after question, page after page, on the same topic, even though it's been explained to you every which way possible, is annoying and extremely frustrating.

    Now, I can only speak for myself, but when I get annoyed enough I either lose it on the person, or I simply stop reading what they write. For some reason, even though you make me want to bang my head against a wall repeatedly, I haven't lost it on you yet, and I'm still here reading and responding. Maybe it's because the site's so dead, or maybe it's because I honestly want to help you somehow.

    I don't dislike you, even though I find you very frustrating. You take a subject and beat it to death, to the point where I never ever want to discuss that subject again. But that's not your fault. You can't seem to process what we're saying, or you just want more and more and more, like Tal said, it's like you want to know the meaning, and then want to be able to write a book about it, become a pro that knows everything about it. If that's the case we're not the people you should be talking to. That's what college is for.

    You have to learn to let things go. At one point you have to see that this thread is on page 7 and you've gotten amazing replies, well thought out replies, replies that would be adequate enough for the majority of people that have the same question you did. Replies that would be way too much info for most people, because this question was answered on page one, but it wasn't enough for you. At some point you have to say, "ok, I get it well enough to let it go, so thank you everyone, I'm good now".

    No need to leave the site, just learn to interact with people a bit better, and learn when to let it go, thank everyone that took the time to answer, and move on to something else.

    I swear, if I ever see the word nuance again I may throw something.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #67

    Jan 30, 2018, 08:34 AM
    As was mentioned. Learning how and when to let things go is key to reducing personal frustration and stress. NOBODY has complete control over everything so obsessing over stuff you don't have full control over only increases your frustration and stress. EVERYONE would be frustrated and stressed out if they didn't. Heck, sometimes even that isn't enough. Sometimes on really important stuff... you have to stick with it. But some things just don't matter that much to worry about.

    Does everyone understand everything about everything? No. And if they said they did, they would be telling a lie.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #68

    Jan 30, 2018, 10:19 AM
    ''The fact that all of you are becoming increasingly annoyed with me (not to say you're in the wrong) just makes it more evident to me that I'm just a liability.''

    That leap of logic is manipulative. You go off, say you won't ever be back, we feel terrible, don't know if you live or die, and we sigh and protest, no no no, you aren't a liability (what does that even mean? Our lives and livelihoods don't depend on you. We don't even have to be on this thread, never mind this site.)

    What I would like to know is this: at any time in the last 24 hours or more, did the importance of nailing down a concept of nuanced go away or lessen?
    Allen Farber's Avatar
    Allen Farber Posts: 191, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #69

    Jan 30, 2018, 02:49 PM
    It's not a leap in logic at all. Also, I didn't say I was a dependability. I said a liability. As in I'm an inconvenience to everyone around me. If it was just you guys on this forum that got annoyed with me, I may not be as harsh on myself about it. But when people online and people in real life and even my own family members and basically just everyone I come into contact with become extremely frustrated with me, I kind of have to take it into account. If liability isn't the right word I don't know what is. And the obsession is growing worse.

    Just yesterday, I checked myself into a psychiatric center, where I am currently writing this from. I'm on a suicide watch sort of thing and on the first day, I had many tests done on me and was basically all drugged up and spent the whole day and all this morning sleeping. I don't want to do any of this but maybe it's just for the best.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #70

    Jan 30, 2018, 03:43 PM
    I'm anti-drug -mostly, but you said last week that you weren't sleeping....

    I'll drop the whole liability thing.

    I hope they can help you in a way you like, or at least provide some clues, and some ways to deal with it.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #71

    Jan 30, 2018, 05:53 PM
    Allen, what you have to remember is that even though we were getting frustrated, we still came back and posted, still tried to help. Yes, it was annoying that you just kept on and on and on, asking the same questions over and over, not happy with any of the answers you got, but we still came back. If we couldn't tolerate you, if you were really a liability like you claim, then we wouldn't have come back, we wouldn't have given our time, we would have just stopped posting and ignored you. We didn't do that. Think about what that means. We all came together to try to help you. Sadly none of us are trained to deal with mental disorders, and that's what you're dealing with. For lay people like us it is frustrating, because we don't know what to say or how to help you get over your obsession, and even if we did, doing so online is hard even for a trained professional.

    I think you're where you need to be right now, and I really think you need to look into some sort of therapy that will help you learn to deal with your obsessions in a productive way.

    I can't speak for everyone, but I for one hope that you come back to the site, and I also hope that when you ask your next question, and you get lots of great answers, you will have learned how to let it go even if you don't get the exact answers you're looking for. That's my wish for you.

    Hope that all goes well for you, and hope to see you back soon.
    Allen Farber's Avatar
    Allen Farber Posts: 191, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #72

    Jan 30, 2018, 06:36 PM
    Thank you. I appreciate it.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #73

    Jan 30, 2018, 07:22 PM
    And your arguing abilities indicate (to me anyway) that you have higher than average intelligence, not lower.
    You just don't do well on tests.
    Allen Farber's Avatar
    Allen Farber Posts: 191, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #74

    Jan 31, 2018, 03:25 AM
    According to the doctor who gave me the test, I was 1-2 points lower than average IQ
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #75

    Jan 31, 2018, 05:27 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Allen Farber View Post
    According to the doctor who gave me the test, I was 1-2 points lower than average IQ
    That's an insignificant amount. Consider yourself average just like most other people.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #76

    Jan 31, 2018, 05:46 AM
    A few points one way or another puts you in the same category as most of your peers. Most of us fall in that range GENERALLY. I'm just glad you're safe and still with us. I hope you listen closely and follow the directions of the ones trying to help you. That would be an above average decision.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #77

    Jan 31, 2018, 05:47 AM
    I ALWAYS question what a doctor tells me.
    Surely you can see how any test could fail to take into account how you perceive the questions?
    There is a lot of literature on the subject of the failings of IQ tests. Many doctors refuse to use them.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #78

    Jan 31, 2018, 04:41 PM
    IQ tests aren't an accurate representation of your intelligence. In your case you have a hard time grasping certain concepts, which would definitely make you score lower on an IQ test, but you write very well, you see things others don't and question them, that's a sign of intelligence. Most highly intelligent people don't do well on standardized tests.

    Having said that, 1-2 points is nothing, you are, based on that IQ test, of average intelligence, like the majority of people on this planet.
    Allen Farber's Avatar
    Allen Farber Posts: 191, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #79

    Jan 31, 2018, 05:41 PM
    For anyone wondering, my IQ score was an 81
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #80

    Jan 31, 2018, 07:57 PM
    NO WAY!
    Good grief, see what I mean?
    You struggle with ANY test. Yet you reason, form sentences, respond to others, and write well with very good intelligence.
    Your INPUT is a mess. Your output is fine.
    The last 3 responders are all saying it's OK, blah blah. I am alone here in saying IGNORE THE IQ TEST. Or do some reading on debunking IQ tests!

    Here's what's bothering me - where have you been getting tested, diagnosed, and treated all these years? From IQ tests to depression/anxiety diagnoses to drugs like Zoloft, I've never seen such hogwash.
    I'll say it again - you need a research medical facility.

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