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    heartyangelgirl's Avatar
    heartyangelgirl Posts: 14, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Dec 21, 2017, 04:54 PM
    Why are people with Asperger's berated for misinterpreting social situations?
    Doesn't anyone find it a little ironic how people with Asperger's are berated by their "neurotypical" counterparts for missing social cues and misinterpreting people's intentions, but yet a lot of the time, neurotypicals misinterpret what others say and the meanings behind what they say just as much? For example, a person with Asperger's might point out a zit on someone's face without meaning to be y or insulting, but their behaviour is pathologized and treated as something terrible whilst the neurotypical person would be pretty given a free pass on the matter. Or if not, then at least, why aren't they the ones who become avoided and ostracized? If a neurotypical is meant to be good at reading other people because their brains are wired "normally" then why do they so easily misinterpret what an Asperger's person says when that person really had no intention of being rude or disrespectful? Doesn't that defeat the whole point of the gap between "normally-wired" people and people on the spectrum? Or am I just reading into this too much?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Dec 21, 2017, 05:55 PM
    Most people do not know what another suffers from, nor how to deal with them. How WOULD you know a person pointing out your zits has AS, or is just rude? How would one who suffers from AS know the one they comment about their zits to doesn't have their own issues?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
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    #3

    Dec 21, 2017, 05:58 PM
    I would agree, most people will never know the other people have it and if they do know, they don't understand what it is. They just feel the person is rude or mean.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #4

    Dec 22, 2017, 05:31 AM
    There are so many rude and or self centered people out there nobody has the time to try and figure out WHO has a condition or not, and even then, its not everyone else's responsibility to bend over backwards for others all the time no matter what problem someone might have. That's reality. That's life. Its rather rude and pretentious to think the entire world needs to bow down to accommodate your needs. PARTICULARLY when you try to place it ALL on someone else's lap. There are lots of reasons for being socially awkward. Most of them have nothing to do with Asperger's. Therefore most people are perfectly correct in their assessments most of the time. NOBODY is right 100% of the time. Not even trained professionals.

    I for one might have empathy for people with a condition beyond their control who do their best and avail themselves of treatments that are available and possible for their condition (which ever one it might be)...but I do not however have time to bend over backwards for them all the time so they don't feel upset or ignored. That's not ME being rude...its just ME having a life filled with more important priorities. And someone I don't know or is not close to me in any way (as in friend or family), does not hold a priority for me in any way. And that's how it is for everyone. There are only so many hours in a day, everyone has a LONG list of stuff they need to accomplish every day, usually far more than they have time for, and every time they have to stop to accommodate someone else that's time they will never get back and time for stuff THEY need done that won't get done, like I said, its time management, its not being rude. A few people might not have much to do and are able because they have lots of free time, others may have far more things to do and don't have any extra time.

    My point being...stop assuming other people are being rude, when all they are doing is being busy with their own lives. Those are two very different things.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #5

    Dec 22, 2017, 07:21 PM
    It's impossible for people to know what another person suffers from. Also, the way you phrase your post you're stating that all people with Aspergers are berated for the things they do that aren't the "norm". That's not true at all. People who understand Aspergers and what that disorder entails, are very sympathetic and patient with people with Aspergers. To say that everyone berates them, isn't true.

    The fact is no one person has time to learn about every disorder, mental illness, physical illness and how it effects people that have it. Not even doctors study every known disorder, mental illness or physical illness, there's no way they could retain all that information. So unless you're familiar with Aspergers, and most people that are familiar with it either have a friend or family member with it, you likely have no idea what a person dealing with Aspergers is going through and how they act. And unless you're told that someone has Aspergers you may not realize, even if you know what it entails, that that's the reason the person is acting or reacting to things the way he/she is.

    In other words, yes, you're reading too much into this, and you're not looking at the bigger picture. You sound like you're speaking from your personal experiences, and because you've had those experiences you expect everyone to know and feel the way you do, and that's not realistic at all.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Dec 23, 2017, 08:49 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by heartyangelgirl View Post
    Doesn't anyone find it a little ironic how people with Asperger's are berated by their "neurotypical" counterparts for missing social cues and misinterpreting people's intentions, but yet a lot of the time, neurotypicals misinterpret what others say and the meanings behind what they say just as much? For example, a person with Asperger's might point out a zit on someone's face without meaning to be y or insulting, but their behaviour is pathologized and treated as something terrible whilst the neurotypical person would be pretty given a free pass on the matter. Or if not, then at least, why aren't they the ones who become avoided and ostracized? If a neurotypical is meant to be good at reading other people because their brains are wired "normally" then why do they so easily misinterpret what an Asperger's person says when that person really had no intention of being rude or disrespectful? Doesn't that defeat the whole point of the gap between "normally-wired" people and people on the spectrum? Or am I just reading into this too much?
    At first I wanted avoid saying this, but the more I thought of it the more appropriate it seemed that I do.

    Read everything YOU wrote berating average normal people, and turn that around and consider if someone actually wrote something like that directed that at you?

    In the real world, you are known by the people you hang around with, and people take you at your word because most people DO mean what they say. If you ASSUME everyone has the best intentions. You will soon be penniless and taken advantage of people who really did mean what they said.

    LIFE and human society makes the majority the NORMAL... and those who aren't like that the abnormal. As an example Thieves, Child Molesters, Liars, and other con-artists are considered undesirable in MOST of society. Most socially awkward people don't have Aspergers, a lot are that way by choice, and many of them (shy people for example) on average refuse to take the difficult steps to overcome it because they are comfortable as they are.

    Does it mean everyone HAS to be accepting of EVERYONE else all the time? Heck no, nor should it. That's because we have free will, and freedom to associate. And we also have the right to shun those who decide to have the wrong friends and run with the wrong crowds.

    And as was mentioned... its impossible for everyone to know everything about every disorder... or expect them to interrupt their lives so someone else isn't inconvenienced because of (pick any issue and insert here).

    Also to make it very far in the world and particularly in business, you absolutely NEED to stop being offended easily when someone else doesn't do something exactly the way you think it should be done. If you don't you will make enemies, and create animosity with others, and THAT will stop you in your tracks from ever getting ahead. When you are young you might not see this, and even some older people never do, but you can see that how you interact with others plays as big a part in success as knowing what you are doing. You can look at people who have been at a company a long time, see who succeed and those who don't and see traits each group share in common.

    I might be obligated to be a LOT more accommodating with a friend or relative who has an issue, I however DON'T need to be for anyone I don't know... and that is NOT the same as picking on someone BECAUSE of their problem.

    You really can condense all of this down to a few words. In several ways.

    "When you point a finger at someone else, you have 4 pointing back at you",


    Or, "take a look in the mirror" and the Classic, "people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones" and there are a lot of others.

    And the golden rule... "Do onto others as you would have others do upon you."

    If you ever meet any perfect people... let me know. We ALL have our own issues... just not the same ones.

    Also there are far, FAR more rude people (for any of a long list of reasons), than exist people with Aspergers. That's why people will quickly assume and move on to just avoid them (lifes too short to waste on annoying people you don't NEED to deal with). So many it might be hard to make it through the day without bumping into at least one, even a lot more than one at times. So many nobody has time or energy to even try to figure out what that individual problem is or care.

    So as you see...you are the one making the incorrect assumptions of other peoples motives.

    I took time out of my day as have others to explain how most other people see things....so you can better understand and integrate.

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