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    Hiwatari_yuki's Avatar
    Hiwatari_yuki Posts: 39, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Sep 18, 2017, 05:56 AM
    How do I nicely reject a guy?
    I heard that a friend of mine wants to confess to me, but I do not like him in that way. For sure I am rejecting him, but at such times, I tend to unintentionally use words that sound rude to others but all right to me. He is a nice and a sensitive guy, he suffered from depression for a while as well, so I am really scared that my rejection will have a bad and deep affect on him, especially if I use my rude way of talking for the rejection. Certainly I tried changing but its just something I do not think I can change. To be honest, my personality is the kind that hates seriousness and wants fun all the time, a person like me would have such a response if someone confessed to the: "haha! oh my god! you like me!? wow!!" and just go on laughing. Now I am certainly not doing that which is why I am asking, how? What's the right way to reject? This whole thing is a mess, actually. I have a guy I like, and we three and other friends are in a group chat, he would leave the group chat whenever I and the guy I like talk because he feels jealous, but out of embarrassment he never stated the reason as to why he is leaving the group, but I heard this from a friend, to whom he told the truth.
    Another thing is, I wonder if he will want to stay friends with me after I reject him. I do want to stay friends with him but I know its difficult because I was friend zoned once before as well.
    SO MY HEAD HURTS! HIS WHOLE THING IS SOMETHING MY LITTLE BRAIN CAN NOT DEAL WITH! Advice?
    Thanks in advance
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Sep 18, 2017, 09:30 AM
    First off, while that way of thinking might be OK as a teenager, it won't be as an adult. So you have to learn serious ways to approach what is always a difficult topic. Yes this is a delicate situation even for adults. You don't want to be rude, or condescending because you never know what the future may hold. You may change how you feel as you mature (and trust me you WILL be doing a LOT of maturing and changing your late teens into your early 20's). What you say may get around and ruin your reputation... you might NEED him as a friend at some point, you might even find as an adult, when applying for a job.. your resume might cross his desk. You certainly don't want someone holding a grudge then, if you see my point.

    I'm not kidding...I have ran into two people IN THE USA...that I used to work with over 25 years ago in ITALY. I've bumped into people I used to work with in one state while in another....I've had my resume cross the desk of an old friend who offered me the job as he knew me better than anyone could during just an interview. Point is you never know...

    Unless he comes to you himself... and profess a crush or something... this is ONLY what someone else says... and trust me, I've been your age... you can NOT take anything someone you knows directly at their word... they embellish, twist and sometimes completely misunderstand what someone else said...

    If he DOES come to you... just in a calm and NICE way (this is important), just say while you like him, you just don't like him in "that way" don't do it with your friends around, don't discuss this with your friends after either... this would be private and between you and him alone. There is no one magic thing you can say, how you say it is even more important, but you have to be fair, and nice about it... if you go blabbing to your friends and making fun of him, he will hate you for it, and you will get a reputation as a heartless back stabber... so keep it between the two of you and say NOTHING to anyone else. Even if he might say something, you simply refuse to comment to others saying it was private.

    As far as friends who get upset when you talk to someone else... you really don't need friends like this... and in fact I wouldn't call them friends, just acquaintances. Jealous people are prone to mentally and physically abuse you too. Jealous people sometimes get so bad they will seriously hurt you or even kill you.

    Reminder...MUST be done in a serious manner, not joking as you would appear that you don't take him or his friendship seriously, and must be in private, and do NOT give your friends a play by play after..that will make it look like you were laughing at him...

    Do it right....and he may be a little hurt, but still want to be friends...do it wrong, and you might create an enemy.

    Picture yourself being the one making this request and the OTHER person may not want something more than friendship. Think about how you might want treated and how you really DON'T want treated.... that's a good rule of thumb to use throughout life. When in doubt...put yourself in that position.
    Hiwatari_yuki's Avatar
    Hiwatari_yuki Posts: 39, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #3

    Sep 18, 2017, 12:25 PM
    Thanks so much, this can help
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Sep 18, 2017, 12:52 PM
    How old are you both? I ask because it seems like way too many people being involved in what should be a private matter between just two people. He has said nothing, and you are already assuming he will, and built a big drama around it based on what others have said. That's not good. Does everybody also know about the guy you like as well? Yeah this has to be grade school stuff, even though I have to say some never grow up, and behave immaturely despite their age through adulthood. I hope you aren't one of those types.

    Why don't you just wait until HE decides what to do, so you can answer honestly, and treat him the way YOU would want to be treated... KINDLY, right? And if he does "confess" to you, don't force him to be a friend after you reject him, or anyone for that matter, give them time and space to decide for themselves how best to deal with being rejected.

    Whatever happens, whether he does or not, keep your business to yourself. My guess is you have already told everyone you will reject him, or am I misjudging you? I hope so. There is no nice way to reject someone, it always sucks for the one being rejected, but you should always try to be honest, and kind.
    Hiwatari_yuki's Avatar
    Hiwatari_yuki Posts: 39, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Sep 19, 2017, 12:12 AM
    I am a first year high school student but he is like 18 and is already in college, no I have not told anyone that I am rejecting him and I heard that he is confessing, from my best friend and nobody else know about this matter. Regarding the guy I like no, only two friends know about it my best friend and an old school friend who just figured it out on her own but thanks anyway
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Sep 27, 2017, 04:13 AM
    Do not be rude but do be clear. For example, "you are very kind and i appreciate that it must have been very difficult to share these feelings with me. Thank you for telling me. Unfortunately, my feelings for you are for friendship only. I do not have romantic feelings for you. I am sorry to disappoint you."

    Alternatively, ask your friend to intervene so the young man will not be embarrassed. Your friend could tell him, "I was talking about boys with her and asked her about you. She said you are a lovely person but she does not have romantic feelings for you. She is interested in someone else."

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