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broken_ heart · May 7, 2017, 11:06 PM

HI guys....Its about a colleague in my office who is younger to me. He expressed his interest in valentines week, to which I denied by letting him know that I'm older than him and there is no future to such relation. His replies to this were quiet impressive and somewhat acceptable. Anyway our friendship continued. I was kind of enjoying his company all day and night. We talked late nights. During the day at breaks had good laughs.. everything was going simply great. Then one day he grabbed me and hugged me. And tried to kiss me.. which I didn't let him do because I was not ready for the kiss yet. Anyway, we hugged at times . He always asked me out on weekends but because of my current family situations.. where my mom is not going well and there is no one to look after, I couldn't make time on weekends for him. Still everything went fine. Then one day, he stopped talking to me for no reason. I felt really bad.. and looking at my past experiences I thought its better to just stay away and see where thing will go.. But in weeks time , he was back with an excuse that he was stuck somewhere and was trying to solve the issues he had. But I was not completely convinced, because if that was the scene, we are at same workplace, I had seen him enjoying with other people during the time... he continued to shower his attention and love to me.. and soon I get back to normal again with him.After passage of some time, he texted me that he doesn't want to talk because he is not enjoying this all because I can not meet him on holidays and weekends... its basically not working for him..,. I was upset but didn't say anything that time.. Next day I tried to talk to him... to say that I will take an off and we can go out... but instead of taking my call he simply rejected it and texted me that please don't call or text me... we can talk in office premises only as colleagues nothing more... I was hurt now... and in anger so I told him to just off from my life and blocked him everywhere ( which I think was my mistake.. I should have not lost control on myself )Now two days passed.. nothing from him came up... and was already missing him... he was sitting in front of me all day but we were not on talking terms... I got mad now... I sent him messages saying sorry... etc etc.. almost more than 100 of texts in 2 days ( which was the biggest mistake... I know I should have not done this in any case) but I was mad.. and in all these issues... I had argument with my boss too... and I decided to resign.. I drafted the email... but my colleagues ( friends) came to know and didn't let me resign... my mind was exhausted completely ( emotionally and mentally gone) here I did my third mistake ( I let my four of these colleagues about our relation)... now things got worse.. later on Saturday evening... he called me.. and said don't try to create pressure on me.. I was taking you only as a friend and nothing more... and when I asked him about his love gestures he used to give me all the time... he said... he losted his control on himself... and sorry for that... and he told me that he is trying to get back to his ex girlfriend... and doesn't want any message or call from my side... so that he can quietly and peacefully concentrate on that... I felt like being used emotionally... and somewhat physically... Now , its Monday... he is here.. im here... I don't want to talk to him I'm not at all comfortable.. and don't even want to see him... but he is here... cuz of my stupidity now people also know about our issue.. I don't know how to deal with this mess.. Please suggest.. I really need help to come out of this mess without much damage to me and to him... Thanks.

joypulv · May 8, 2017, 03:03 AM

Wow. I am going to be blunt - you got what you deserved.
And now YOU feel used? You were stringing him along. He's too young - remember that? No future? Your words.
You had fun enjoying his attention, while he suffered.
So what if he now makes up reasons for his 'love gestures.' He did what is normal by saying he just lost control and is trying to get back to his ex and that you are just a friend. That's covering up HIS hurt. You have no right, not one bit of right, to call yourself broken hearted, and it's your own fault for telling others in the office.
Start looking for another job.

broken_ heart · May 8, 2017, 05:07 AM

I know.. im at fault of hurting him but that was unintentional.. and I apologized to him thousands times... and I told him many times about the age gap we have before we actually started and he was the one who approached me and wanted to continue.. knowing the gap and my family situation too...

smoothy · May 8, 2017, 06:28 AM

This is exactly why I tell everyone to NEVER fool around romantically with anyone at your office. This sort of thing usually happens.

talaniman · May 8, 2017, 07:07 AM

I would never consider leaving a job because an emotional involvement with a co worker didn't work out, but I'm a guy and what would I know. Safe to say he isn't going anywhere. Do as he suggested and leave him alone and unfortunately that's not easy. This has become a challenge to your own self control, which you unfortunately didn't use when this mess started. I get you enjoyed the attention, maybe needed it as a distraction, but the emotional fallout is no different than what you have experienced before in relationship disappointments. This one though is where you work, and No Contact may be impossible, but you can act with dignity and self respect by just being professional at your job.

In time the emotional dust will settle, and you will have learned from the experience to avoid messes in the first place, and not act impulsive when things become messy and you get disappointed, or frustrated. No doubt you will be a bundle of hurt on the inside, but outwardly you project cool calm, collected, and in control at work. No shame in asking friends to support you after hours is there, to help you through this tough emotional time.

Chalk this up to yet another learning experience and a lesson learned about how not to get so carried away with your own feelings. For now it just sucks, and how you handle it is the important thing.

Trust me, this too shall pass if you let it. Find something to enjoy, friends, family, activities, and hobbies, and put this behind you one day at a time. Sometimes we have to face our own flaws that get us in messy situations. This is one of them so Good Luck.

joypulv · May 8, 2017, 07:17 AM

He doesn't deserve any of this.
She got mad at him for ignoring her hundreds of texts. She got mad at her BOSS! And spread the story around work!
She is so immature that it boggles my mind.
She started her resignation once and can do it again. The job clearly isn't a big deal for her. Man, woman, how either gender views that part doesn't matter.

I say this as a counterpoint to the very reasonable argument above, keep the job. Just to show the other side.
You will do what you want, regardless of what anyone says.

broken_ heart · May 8, 2017, 07:37 AM

I didn't get mad at him for ignoring my texts.. I was only upset... I got mad at him only when he disappeared... which he had already done before... I ddnt get mad at my boss.. he got mad at me for the work which was not assigned to me and was not my reslinsibility... yes I do talked about it with my group of co-workers... thats my mistake... but I was so upset... I couldn't realise... what I was doing...
Now coming to the first working day after this mess... everything was calm... we didn't talk to each other and even looked at each other... its only when joypulv told me about his hurt... reading that... I texted him apologizing one more time... to which he replied in person that I have already answered you on this that its fine... thats it...
After that again silence at both ends... he usually stays late at work... and so are the co-workers I shared this with... im only concerned now that... they don't bring up this topic with him... I have already done so much damage... I just hope... things get settled soon...

Oliver2011 · May 8, 2017, 07:53 AM

So much drama and you two aren't even a couple? An acquaintance (or whatever this is called) that starts this crappy is bound to end crappy, which this has. Move on. You haven't invested that much time. If you do decide to leave the job, consider moving to the theater. I haven't read this much drama in a non-relationship before this day.

talaniman · May 8, 2017, 08:40 AM

After that again silence at both ends... he usually stays late at work... and so are the co-workers I shared this with... im only concerned now that... they don't bring up this topic with him... I have already done so much damage... I just hope... things get settled soon...

You cannot control the words and actions of others... YOU CAN CONTROL YOUR OWN WORDS AND ACTIONS! Do so NOW!

I really hope you see that it's YOUR own thoughts, and concerns winding you up, and you are acting on those concerns. This situation will get settled as soon as you can settle yourself.

joypulv · May 8, 2017, 08:58 AM

You yourself said you were mad.

''and in anger so I told him to just off from my life and blocked him everywhere ( which I think was my mistake.. I should have not lost control on myself )Now two days passed.. nothing from him came up... and was already missing him... he was sitting in front of me all day but we were not on talking terms... I got mad now... I sent him messages saying sorry... etc etc.. almost more than 100 of texts in 2 days ( which was the biggest mistake... I know I should have not done this in any case) but I was mad.. and in all these issues... I had argument with my boss too''

I don't see any hope for you at this time with any relationships. Spend time growing, thinking, and learning.

broken_ heart · May 8, 2017, 10:03 AM

I have realised my mistakes... and asked for apologies too... I m calm at mind... yes I miss him... but I'm not going to disturb him... and will surely give him the space he needs and asked for... I don't know whether our relation will get back to normal again or not... and I'm ready for that... afterall its all my mistake... thank you all for giving me your precious advice... will update if something happens

broken_ heart · Aug 3, 2017, 10:31 AM

He called me up twice and said he wanta to meet... I met him and again things turned cozy between us... later he said he is in a relationahip with his ex... I was like okay... I left and never contacted him again... but yes due to some work... I have to visit his workplace... which was mine too earlier... 4-5times in a month.I ignore his presence... and finish my tasks.. but whenever I there... he always tries to talk to me... and at the same time he has blocked my no on his phone and watsapp too... he said his girlfriend checks his ph and he don't want any drama.I m not bothered at all.. I m over him completely now... but still his behaviour towards me makes me think.. what he is up to?. im nt able to understand that... he has blocked me... but on skype... whenever he sees me online... initiates chat... when I visit his workplace... he always tries to talk to me... last time he winked at me... with a huge smile.. what all is tHis.. we are not even friends now.. I get confused... please guide what is the right thing to do in such case...

smoothy · Aug 3, 2017, 10:54 AM

Ever hear of a booty call. That's free access to the cow without having to buy or even feed it. Its in your best interests to avoid anything like that in the workplace... and that's probably all he is after... when it suits him.

Unless of course you want to keep going down this same road until you find yourself in HR or managers office being asked to clear out your desk under escort of a security guard. Because it would most likely end like that.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2017, 11:10 AM

It could be as innocent as just being friendly, or just staying on your good side which most males would do. Or he may just want a chick on the side because the girlfriend ain't working out that well. Only he knows what his motives and intentions are, so why be confused about what's in HIS mind? What's the point of dwelling on it? Just be friendly and courteous to a fellow coworker as you would anyone else and go about your business as usual.

Why create drama in your own mind by just being overly curious. Don't over react. You are building this up to something it may not even be. Don't do that.

broken_ heart · Aug 3, 2017, 11:19 AM

Thanks for replying Tal.. im behaving normally till now and not at all bothered... cuz heart is clear of what we had in past... it seemed weird to me... I mean if I block someone... simply means I don't want to talk and I wl do the same when I wl see the person in face... so.. that was thing... if he wants to be in touch... why to block... and if have blocked... why wants to be in touch... anyways... I wl follow what you said rather than thinking wats in his mind... thank you.. :)

Oliver2011 · Aug 3, 2017, 11:21 AM

This is unreal and I've totally lost interest. Unsubscribing is in my future.

talaniman · Aug 3, 2017, 11:46 AM

and at the same time he has blocked my no on his phone and watsapp too... he said his girlfriend checks his ph and he don't want any drama.

That's your answer. Keep in mind that others do not follow the same logic as you do. That's why it's pointless to guess at what they think. Even after they tell you what's on their minds, it may not be true, because some people change their minds, and feeling like they change socks.

Maybe meeting him in the future for any reason might not be a good idea.

broken_ heart · Aug 3, 2017, 12:40 PM

I'm nt meeting him in present and have no intention of meeting in future too... its just.. im providing professional services to the company where he currently works... and for work purpose whenever I visit the place... he leaves his work... and try to talk to me.. even when I'm talking to my friends/ex colleagues.. he always tries to interrrupt and try to seek my attention.. and yes you are right tal in saying that people change their mind and thoughts... thank u... u always have guided me... u r a blessing to me... thank u.. for making things so clear and understandable... :)

talaniman · Aug 3, 2017, 03:41 PM

Thank you for the kind words, much appreciated. Please be aware that it is within good manners to tell him his attention is NOT wanted. Kindly leave you alone.

joypulv · Aug 3, 2017, 07:03 PM

Speaking as a woman here - not everything is a booty call. He was attracted to you originally and even waited til Valentine's Day, remember? He knew you became attracted to him.
He is probably still intrigued by you.
I hesitate to say so, because you toyed with him so long.
Be friendly, don't be coy, maintain professional attitudes at work, and who knows what someday may bring....
Just remember, when people stop trying. they mean it. A million apologies mean nothing.