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    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #41

    Apr 29, 2017, 05:02 PM
    I know everyone has told me it's not my fault. It's hard to feel that way. I feel stressed and guilty about what's happening now or will happen. It's already affecting everything around me. My parents I can't even look at my mum I feel so bad. My aunty what's going to happen when she finds out!

    My parents are pressuring me to go to the police. My dad was so angry with me when I told him I won't talk if they make me go. They just don't understand how hard I've tried to put it all out of my mind. I will have to sit there and talk about all of it make it real.

    I'm not a brave person, I'm scared, if I could have just made it stop without anyone knowing I would have. Now I have no choice but to go to the police my parents won't listen to me they say I have to everyone says I have to. I am angry at myself at my parents at him.

    I don't know what's the right thing to do. I should just listen to everyone and go to the police.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #42

    Apr 29, 2017, 05:33 PM
    Your parents can tell the police that you are very scared, and the police can offer to let you talk to a court appointed doctor. You can ask for a woman.
    How much of that they will agree to will depend on where you live.
    Keep in mind that (sadly) this happens practically every day.
    They are supposed to know how scared you are, and they are supposed to know how to handle it with the least amount of pain to you.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #43

    Apr 29, 2017, 06:49 PM
    My aunty what's going to happen when she finds out!
    If this was going on for two years and more, and if he did this with other girls, it's very possible your aunt has suspicions, but, like you, is too afraid to do something about it.

    Are you in England or Canada?
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
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    #44

    Apr 30, 2017, 07:47 PM
    I went to the police station with my parents. I had to sit in a room with video cameras, my mum had to be in the room with me and the police lady. My mum had to hear everything I feel so bad. Now I have to go to the hospital, this just gets worse. I'm trying really hard to see this is the right thing to do. But it doesn't feel like it is.

    The police are going to arrest my uncle and take him to the station I heard the lady tell my mum. I'm worried what's going to happen then. My poor aunty I can't imagine how she's going to feel.

    I want to runaway right now it's all so overwhelming. If my uncle is charged and pleads not guilty then I have to go to court. I don't know if I can do that. The police lady told me I wouldn't have to see my uncle I would be in a room with a video camera. I don't want to think about what's going to happen.

    Is there something wrong with me everyone says I did the right thing going to police but that's not how I'm feeling about it all
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #45

    May 1, 2017, 04:59 PM
    There's nothing wrong with you!
    Of course you worry about your mother, your aunt, everyone! They worry about YOU! You're the child. They are the adults. Of course they feel guilty for being related to him, for being married to him, for not recognizing the signs, or even worse, for recognizing the signs and sweeping them under the rug.
    But the sooner YOU talk and the sooner HE is in jail, the less pain for all of you. Of course there will still be plenty of pain, but it won't be as bad as it would have been.
    I'm just breathing a sigh of relief that your families are not trying to keep all this hidden because they are ashamed. That happens. Your family cares more about YOU than hiding this.
    AS THEY SHOULD.
    YOU ARE A CHILD. Regardless of all your 'adult' feelings of guilt, you are not expected to have repulsed him when he sneaked in to your room. It took a while for you to let it out, and that is typical.
    Maybe you and your mother could visit a therapist together?

    Yes, it's routine to be examined by a doctor. I assume that you have been by the time you read this, because they will want to do so ASAP.
    The prosecutor will try to keep this out of a trail - get him to confess. Let's all hope he does.
    Keep us posted.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #46

    May 1, 2017, 05:15 PM
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Right now is the hard part. Some people say that this part is harder than the actual abuse itself. You will get through it. If it goes to trial, you will meet with a lawyer before hand, he or she will talk you through what is going to happen, some questions that may be asked, etc. etc, so that you are prepared.

    I know that right now your parents are focusing on making sure your Uncle pays for this, and I am so very glad that they are doing that, but they should not lose focus on what you are going through. Counseling kiddo. I mean it. It will help you in ways you cannot even understand. Talk to your parents about counseling, not only for you, but for them, and for all of you as a group as well.

    We will all be here with you through all of this, so you are not alone. Remember that. I have faith in you. You can do this.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #47

    May 1, 2017, 05:39 PM
    There is nothing for you to feel bad about, you did not cause this, the uncle is the problem and this needed to be dealt with. Be glad if he is arrested and goes to jail and gets punished, that is what is suppose to happen.

    Yes you may have to talk at trial but as noted, get counseling, so that you are not taking any guilt on yourself
    Nothingless's Avatar
    Nothingless Posts: 51, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #48

    May 2, 2017, 02:24 PM
    Counseling everyone keeps suggesting that. I don't really see the point in sitying there talking about everything. Doesn't sound like something I want to do. When everything is over then I can just forget about it.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #49

    May 2, 2017, 04:00 PM
    It's therapy and counseling.
    Therapy is like having a broken leg and you get whirlpool treatment once a week - in your case, it's helping put it all together in words that make sense, and to help you see what a sexual predator really is. Counseling is giving advice. How to deal with family, friends who might know, yourself, and yourself many years from now, when you find that it will be a part of you you hadn't anticipated.
    It will help you have good relationships with boys, and then later men. Without it, you may find yourself angry at men in general without even realizing it.
    Not trying to put anything in your mind, because we are all different.
    I have a friend who was abused by an uncle along with her sister. She has tried to get her sister to talk about it with her, and her sister flat out refuses, and gets angry at HER!
    Each of us is different. You deal with life in ways that feel right to you.
    No one can force you to talk to a therapist, even if your parents 'make' you go. You can just sit there and plug your ears and sing.
    We all just really, really hope you listen.

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