[yug222001]

Hi all,

I'm looking for some advice on what to consider after splitting from my girlfriend and whether o not I have made the correct decision. A little information about us, I am currently 26 and she has just turned 32. I work in financial services and changed to a self employed role half way through our relationship which is stressful to say the least but rewarding also. I currently live with my best mate in a house share. I have never message another girl or cheated on my ex. She suffers from anxiety, lost her dad at a young age due to alcoholism and her mum hasn't moved on from this. Her father left the family in great debt which my girlfriend had sorted and she has been the stone of her family since her fathers death, keeping the house in order and so on. This is my first proper relationship I have had and met her after moving to a new county in England to live with a best friend of mine. Before I used to have a large group of friends and partied a lot.

I have been feeling extremely down and have had the urge to cry since splitting from my girlfriend a few days ago. We had been together 2 years and 2 months and we met in a local club. When I first met her on our first date I had reservations about her but realised this was down to her nerves, so we continued to date further and got on really well. 2 months into the relationship she had to go in for an operation and I was there for her which I would guess most guys would jump ship unless the feelings where strong. This was the first time I met her mother and sister. Her sister on the other hand has always chipped in with her own comments about me and our relationship throughout the time we were together. This was down to jealousy I believe and the comments stopped when she was in a relationship of her own.

Things were going fine till around September/October last year. We went on holiday which was fine and my ex started a new job which was a career and was leaving a job of 8 years. She was a beauty therapist at a high end hotel and was very very talented. She had tried to progress up the ladder within that company to senior and manager but various things had let her down such as friends of managers getting the role over her, her anxiety, and so on. Her new role was working in cosmetics with one of her old friends this was all very new and was tough for her adjusting. Her friend who she was working with is accustomed to mood swings and for the beginning 6 months of her new role she was practically being bullied, however she didn't make this so apparent to me and I dismissed this as her moaning about work and granted I should have been more supportive. However, she let all of this out at work and this then remedied the situation due to lack of understanding each other so on.

In January February this year, I stopped smoking which has I have stuck to but had the odd cigarette on nights out. We needed to find 2 new house mates for my property with my best friend and 2 girls were interested in filling the 2 rooms we had available. This didn't go down well but we felt the underling reason for this was she wanted to live with me and not have other girls living with me which I understand but at the end of the day we needed to be mature about this and find suitable housemates for me and my friend not some one who my girlfriend approves of. Her sister also provided her comments on this about me sleeping with them and so on. Her sister at this time was suffering from severe depression and turning to alcohol causing a huge strain on the family, this had been going on prior to Christmas.

This then passed and I had a good long think about the comments from her sister the house situation as this was causing arguments. This is all happening while she is having problems at work and at home and also me with this house situation. We had a discussion and got everything off our chest. The good thing is we have never been the couple who argues and have been good with discussing what needs to be improved and worked on that however, I can be very stubborn but apparently this is down to my star sign I'm a Leo by the way. We agreed I need to be more comforting towards her and she needs to be more open with me, we agreed we had been seeing each other a little too much. I said things need to improve as neither of us were happy at this point.

I paid for us to go away for her birthday and we did enjoy ourselves. There were moments where I had become irritable which had annoyed her a few times. Things started to improve between us, her work life improved but her home life plummeted and her sister became worse. Until 2 weeks ago while I was watching a football and rugby match with my father who I don't see very often as I had moved away. I was drunk and ignored her while watching the game. I then called her on the way home to find out she was in hospital as her sister had tried to commit suicide. At this point I was thinking her sister has caused us so many problems and after speaking with family they said I don't need to be dealing with this sort of thing at my age.

I had been thinking a lot recently about where my life lies in the future and that would be moving back to my parents town to work along side my father once I had passed my financial exams. I have also thought about going travelling or working abroad. We spoke the day after the above happened and she voiced some issues with me about not supporting her enough and being stubborn and so on.

Then this weekend I ended it. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Anyone who I or she knows can not say a bad thing about her, we got on really well my best friend thought there was nothing wrong and were on cloud 9, she's pretty.

Since breaking up I have felt horrible and don't know if I thought there are better things out there which I always think about everything. If I have become comfortable i.e. put on weight and want to better myself and be single.

Please ask any questions and provide any thoughts you have.

[Homegirl 50]

This is way too much drama. I think you did the right thing. You had plenty of warning signs and you chose to ignore them.
It's good you got out of the cycle.

[talaniman]

It's only been a few days and you are supposed to feel bad, and second guess yourself with some confusion. Break ups suck, no matter who does the breaking.

Have you been in contact since then? Had you talked about what you would do after your finals?