[helen4]

A little background before I start. I am a divorced woman and was on a site called Adult friend finder. AS I was there I discovered someone who I know who is married who is pretending to be single. He showed me his picture and its him .When he signed up he was married it shows sign up date 2009 and we are in 2017 and he is still on there he also told me he had a one night stand at a conference. MY question I know someone who knows him should I tell the person. I feel so guility and don't sleep well because of this secret, I feel if that was me I would want to know . What should I do thanks

[talaniman]

Is this really a secret you promised to keep? Of course not and sharing this revelation with a friend is perfectly understandable. Unfortunately you will have some responsibility and no control over the outcome of your actions.

Would I share this fact with a friend? HIGHLY likely, and would feel for his wife! It's not spreading gossip if it's true nor wrong if he eventually gets BUSTED is it?

[helen4]

True no gossip and I have tried to email him and confront him and he is ignored my emails

[talaniman]

WOW... he has been warned that you know so it's NO secret at all. Like I said, I feel for his wife, but maybe it's something about his marriage you don't know. Anything is possible but you own whatever your actions bring about in this.

[smoothy]

Seriously... do you want to be THAT person.. the Busybody that sticks their nose in other peoples affairs. There ARE people in open marriages, there are people who bring third parties into the bedroom...and they would rather it NOT be made public knowledge locally for all anyone knows that may be the case. And yes...that is NOT a dating site...so its highly unlikely everyone or maybe even anyone close to them is...and they would rather it NOT be public....Him AND her.

Sorry but I am of the mind , its someone else's business... not yours.

[CravenMorhead]

Hi,

Many people are exploring open relationships. He could be in one of them. There is also a stigma for people who are married and looking, as you have displayed in your post, so it is understandable that he is presenting as "single.

He could also be cheating.

The bottom line is that this is of no concern for you as you do not know all the details or facts. You've done more then enough, leave it alone.

[helen4]

There is no open marriage here.
It was also more than sex on there he was looking for something to come out of it as he said he also has two kids in all this. I was just going to tell me friend and keep it at that and than it was up to her if she wanted to tell his wife.. I still have to think about it all I know is I would want to know

[smoothy]

There is no open marriage here.
It was also more than sex on there he was looking for something to come out of it as he said he also has two kids in all this. I was just going to tell me friend and keep it at that and than it was up to her if she wanted to tell his wife.. I still have to think about it all I know is I would want to know

That is YOUR opinion, that is not proven fact. There is a BIG difference. There are several legal actions you could be opened up to having to defend yourself on... Defamation is one, Interference is another. Your OPINION has no place then, if you can't back if up with indisputable facts, you will lose. Legally and financially....not to mention the bad reputation that will follow you.

You need to let this go for a number of reasons. There IS no upside to jamming your nose in where it has no business.

[talaniman]

Methinks that deep down inside you want your friend to do the "dirty work" for you, and all you have to do is get the ball rolling? Maybe it's true YOU would want to know if YOUR husband was cheating (Or whatever), you cannot assume it's true for HIS wife, and presumptuous on your part you know about HIS marriage. Or do you know his wife? Are you friends?

Actually I find it quite cowardly, to after telling this fellow what you know, that you would bring another to this drama "maybe " hoping they tell his wife(?). Give all this some thought before you start something you cannot finish, and have no clue what the consequences of your actions will be for you or this friend.

So many things can go wrong and backfire when you stick your nose in someone else's business.

"They road to hell is paved with good intentions", and yeah they do shoot the messenger of bad new sometimes, so THINK long and hard before you ACT, or SPEAK!

[helen4]

OK I will think about yes. I actually told him to see if he would stop it that's all and keep it at that

[ma0641]

MYOB. Don't get involved without knowing all the circumstances.

[joypulv]

'all I know is I would want to know'
That's not a reason to tell.

The world is full of people who were told all sorts of secrets, true or false, and the results were tragic either way.

[helen4]

True I would want to know too and yes secrets etc are no good

[Cat1864]

I am confused. You say you know him in real life. Then you say you know someone who knows him and now it is someone who knows his wife. Do you know him and/or his wife or are you a "friend of a friend"?

Discussing this person with the mutual friend is gossiping. Discussing their marriage is gossiping. When you were married, you might have wanted to know if your husband was on a dating site, but would you have wanted "friends" to sit around discussing your marriage and your husband's alleged infidelity.

If you know the couple, then it is up to you to decide whether or not to tell the wife. If you don't personally know the couple and are not friends with them (they are perhaps acquaintances instead of friends,) then do not involve a third party (the mutual friend) who doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle of this drama.

[helen4]

Hi yes your right I would want to know but not involve someone else and talk about this as in gossip I know someone who knows him and his wife like acquaintances

[ma0641]

Why would you "like to know". Bit nosey isn't it? Why are you even involved. All of this is 3rd party, he knows someone blah blah. Get a life! And take a sleeping pill to help you sleep at night. Have you nothing better to do?

[helen4]

I don't think you understood what I said. I meant if that was my husband I would want someone to tell me that's what I meant

[Oliver2011]

It's been stated before but I don't think you have listened yet. You don't have all the facts and as such you should move on.

[Alty]

As a friend, I know I would blow the whistle if I knew a good friends spouse was cheating, and I'd be there for my friend, whatever he/she needed. But in your case he really isn't a friend, he's just someone you know that knows someone you know that possibly knows his wife.

So really, this isn't a case of a friend telling a friend about their unfaithful husband because you really care about the friend and don't want to see the friend hurt, but a person that sort of knows the person, sticking their nose into business that really isn't theirs.

You don't know these people well enough to judge them based on a profile on a website. You don't know them well enough to really care about them. You're not really a friend, you just someone that knows them. I know the teller at 7/11 really well, see him all the time, but that doesn't give me the right to get involved in his personal life.

Now, if it were my husband, I'd want to know if he were cheating. Here's the but. You don't know if that's what's going on. You don't know them well enough to know what their marriage is, what agreements they've made, and you don't know them well enough to even meet them face to face to talk about this.

Bottom line, this isn't any of your business. If I were judged based on my interaction online alone, by someone that doesn't know me, it could go very bad. If some random person that doesn't really know me, or my husband, or our life, were to suddenly message me, or my husband, saying I'm cheating based on something they saw online... well, that could destroy a marriage that is a happy marriage, all because someone felt they had the right to judge based on one little thing they saw, without actually knowing anything about me or my husband, or my marriage.

So yes, keep your nose out of it. It's none of your business!