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    Tien1888's Avatar
    Tien1888 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 22, 2016, 06:38 AM
    How can I convince my parents to travel to my girlfriend?
    How can I convince my parents to travel to my girlfriend?

    Hello people of the internet, 

    I want to travel to my girlfriend in france, I live in the netherlands, it s 1087km. I am 17 now and by the time I will go I will be 18, I will probably go with my brother of 15. I want to travel to her in the christmas holiday in december/january but when I asked my parents they were not OK with it. They said that I don t know her parents (I saw her parents in the summer holiday when I also saw her) and that I only talked a bit with her (I met her this summer holiday, but it was more only my parents don t know) Also they ask how I will do it with traveling and so, I search before I asked exactly how to travel and all about it, I found a bus company named "Flixbus" and I think that will be a good idea t travel, I only need to be allowed. 
    Things why my parents said no: 
    1. They say we didn't t talked much. 
    2. That I don t know how her parents are. 
    3. They probably don t believe in our love, probably they think it s fake or something...  
    4. I must make homework and so, but it s holiday I can make it before that or after, after I will have 5 days and that s enough, also I will not miss any school days or something. 

    Please help me to convince my parents, it would be the world to me if I can see my girl finally again and finally be with her... 😇🙏🙏 


    -Tien
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #2

    Oct 22, 2016, 09:32 AM
    You are 17, when you are older, have a job and support yourself, and have your own apartment then you can travel wherever you want at your own expense.

    You are young, real young, you really don't know what real love is now... what you feel now is hormone driven lust. This is also a long distance relationship.. its IMPOSSIBLE to really know each other, you are actually pen pals that like each other a lot. You will learn to tel the difference as you get older and have had several real relationships.

    Your parents already understand all of this and why they aren't going to pay from THEIR money for you to travel.

    SO you met once... so maybe you did a bit more.. but you haven't spent months or years ACTUALLY together, and that makes all the difference in the world.

    Your parents are also much smarter than you are... they know exactly why you want to go.. Even though you really avoid saying it... we know already.
    Tien1888's Avatar
    Tien1888 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 22, 2016, 10:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    You are 17, when you are older, have a job and support yourself, and have your own apartment then you can travel wherever you want at your own expense.

    You are young, real young, you really don't know what real love is now... what you feel now is hormone driven lust. This is also a long distance relationship.. its IMPOSSIBLE to really know each other, you are actually pen pals that like each other a lot. You will learn to tel the difference as you get older and have had several real relationships.

    Your parents already understand all of this and why they aren't going to pay from THEIR money for you to travel.

    SO you met once... so maybe you did a bit more.. but you haven't spent months or years ACTUALLY together, and that makes all the difference in the world.

    Your parents are also much smarter than you are... they know exactly why you want to go.. Even though you really avoid saying it... we know already.
    It's not impossible to not know the other because we didn't saw the other one time but longer and more times so..
    Also I can pay it of my OWN money so that will be fine.
    Ehh what do you think I want to do? Just say it and be clear please.
    So you also think it will not be a good idea?
    I did A LOTT research and have now finally found a good way to travel and also cheap and safe
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #4

    Oct 22, 2016, 10:58 AM
    How old is your girlfriend? Does she know what you are planning?

    Where would you stay in France? If it would be with her family, do they know and have they given their approval for you and possibly your brother to stay with them?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #5

    Oct 22, 2016, 11:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Tien1888 View Post
    It's not impossible to not know the other because we didn't saw the other one time but longer and more times so..
    Also I can pay it of my OWN money so that will be fine.
    Ehh what do you think I want to do? Just say it and be clear please.
    So you also think it will not be a good idea?
    I did A LOTT research and have now finally found a good way to travel and also cheap and safe
    Um yes it is...you've got at most only a couple of years of experience with people of the opposite sex. I've got boots older than you are, Heck, my Harley Davidson I've owned and have been riding the last 33 years. I've also got over 40 years of experience with relationships, since my first real "girlfriend". Most of them were local.. and I have had a coupe long distance relationships during that time as well so I can speak from experience. When you get older and wiser and have more experience you will see what I said is true as well. There IS no comparison or replacement for actual time together... and together means you can at least reach across the table and hold hands or take a walk together. Not on a computer screen or telephone. Anything less is deceiving yourselves.

    The reality is Your parents know this too already... and that's exactly why they are opposed to it. YOU may feel you have all the answers now... in just a few years you will see that you didn't at the time. Given enough time more, you will see how little you "knew" was actually right.

    Its easy to misread and misinterpret words and actions of others, in the absence of actually spending real time together... you invent things about them in your mind to fill in what you don't know.. and most often its NOT what they are actually like. Many times they are nothing like you believed they were once you actually do get to spend actual time together. And there are many accounts of people that had falsely believed as you do and have moved long distances to be with someone they had a long distance relationship with only to quickly find themselves VERY unhappy or worse... in dangerous situations. The cases where it actually worked out is far less common.

    At 17 you don't have the life experience to understand this yet. But in time you will. Your parents do already. As I'm sure hers do as well.

    There are lots of people local to you now..and you are wasting time on someone who isn't. In a few years everyone else who was dating local will have finally found their best partner and have gotten married, you will have discovered this hasn't worked out as you hoped and your pool of potential partners will have significantly shrunken. Many remaining single because of personality or emotional baggage issues.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Oct 22, 2016, 12:26 PM
    3. They probably don t believe in our love, probably they think it s fake or something... NOPE, that's not love. You like her a lot and it feels like love. Romantic love isn't love, it's infatuation. (I won't jump on the lust wagon with all the guys here.)


    The simple fact is that when you are 18 and out of school and no longer dependent on your parents, you can do whatever you want. Until then, it doesn't matter what your reasoning is, or how many travel plans you have researched, or what her parents are like. You can't go yet.
    Tien1888's Avatar
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    #7

    Oct 22, 2016, 12:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Cat1864 View Post
    How old is your girlfriend? Does she know what you are planning?

    Where would you stay in France? If it would be with her family, do they know and have they given their approval for you and possibly your brother to stay with them?
    She will be 17, and yes she knows, we plan it already 2 months. I would stay at her house if her parents will be OK with it, I don't know if they are because we had first to know if MY parents will be OK with it.
    I first need my parents to give me the allowance and than she will ask her parents.
    Tien1888's Avatar
    Tien1888 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Oct 22, 2016, 12:43 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by smoothy View Post
    Um yes it is...you've got at most only a couple of years of experience with people of the opposite sex. I've got boots older than you are, Heck, my Harley Davidson I've owned and have been riding the last 33 years. I've also got over 40 years of experience with relationships, since my first real "girlfriend". Most of them were local.. and I have had a coupe long distance relationships during that time as well so I can speak from experience. When you get older and wiser and have more experience you will see what I said is true as well. There IS no comparison or replacement for actual time together... and together means you can at least reach across the table and hold hands or take a walk together. Not on a computer screen or telephone. Anything less is deceiving yourselves.

    The reality is Your parents know this too already... and that's exactly why they are opposed to it. YOU may feel you have all the answers now... in just a few years you will see that you didn't at the time. Given enough time more, you will see how little you "knew" was actually right.

    Its easy to misread and misinterpret words and actions of others, in the absence of actually spending real time together... you invent things about them in your mind to fill in what you don't know.. and most often its NOT what they are actually like. Many times they are nothing like you believed they were once you actually do get to spend actual time together. And there are many accounts of people that had falsely believed as you do and have moved long distances to be with someone they had a long distance relationship with only to quickly find themselves VERY unhappy or worse... in dangerous situations. The cases where it actually worked out is far less common.

    At 17 you don't have the life experience to understand this yet. But in time you will. Your parents do already. As I'm sure hers do as well.

    There are lots of people local to you now..and you are wasting time on someone who isn't. In a few years everyone else who was dating local will have finally found their best partner and have gotten married, you will have discovered this hasn't worked out as you hoped and your pool of potential partners will have significantly shrunken. Many remaining single because of personality or emotional baggage issues.
    Why so negative? And do NOT say it's the truth because I think you will say that. If it's the truth or not, I just want to know how to convince my parents, tips are also good but that was not what I asked.

    Give me tips how to convince my parents and we will show everyone that our love is special, we have a special connrction that no one can see. Sounds stupid yes ofcource, everyone will say that.

    Also we do know how it is with the other in real, to talk with the other because we did a lott, about everything

    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    3. They probably don t believe in our love, probably they think it s fake or something... NOPE, that's not love. You like her a lot and it feels like love. Romantic love isn't love, it's infatuation. (I won't jump on the lust wagon with all the guys here.)


    The simple fact is that when you are 18 and out of school and no longer dependent on your parents, you can do whatever you want. Until then, it doesn't matter what your reasoning is, or how many travel plans you have researched, or what her parents are like. You can't go yet.
    Ehh our love is real, it's not just lust or something, it's about having a person who you trust and be happy with, to have your other half, because we have so much things the same and we understand the other.

    Also when I am 18 I will still have school so ehh..
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
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    #9

    Oct 22, 2016, 01:00 PM
    Have both sets of parents talked by phone? That would be a good thing to do.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #10

    Oct 22, 2016, 02:28 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Tien1888 View Post
    Why so negative? And do NOT say it's the truth because I think you will say that. If it's the truth or not, I just want to know how to convince my parents, tips are also good but that was not what I asked.

    Give me tips how to convince my parents and we will show everyone that our love is special, we have a special connrction that no one can see. Sounds stupid yes ofcource, everyone will say that.

    Also we do know how it is with the other in real, to talk with the other because we did a lott, about everything



    Ehh our love is real, it's not just lust or something, it's about having a person who you trust and be happy with, to have your other half, because we have so much things the same and we understand the other.

    Also when I am 18 I will still have school so ehh..

    Why, because EVERY and I do mean EVERY person like you I have seen over the years that has been true of. Also you lack the life experience to lknow the difference, You met her once... you really, really do NOT know her yet. I can say that because it is a fact, it is a fact most adults know. It's a fact you will come to learn yourself. You also really do NOT understand the other... its impossible, you met her once... you do NOT ever get to know the real person until you are physically with them day after day after day. 95% of what you have convinced yourself you "know " about her is stuff you dreamed up, or convinced yourself was true in the absence of actually seeing her day after day in real life.

    Long distance relationships are a fantasy... not much better than pure fantasy. Both people pretend to be on their best behaviour all the time because they can, its easy when you never see the other person.. its so easy to hide things from the other you don't want them to see. Like the habit of sniffing your finger after scratching your butt, picking your nose... farting, or going days without a shower, or (fill in the blank).

    Its natural to idealize someone in your mind to what you want them to be when you are never together... in fact its impossible not to because you really don't know the real them.

    And Again.. I haven't had one semi-relationship, I don't have just a couple years pretending to in high school, I've been a self supporting adult for the last 35 years... I've had a few dozen in that time... a few were serious, three were long distance and that was AFTER dating her before she had to move away... and yes she did chage significantly in the year after she moved. It resulted in her being left at a bus station roughly 1,800 miles from her home... (about 3,000 km).. because she got on my nerves that bad in just a weeks time on a trip we took. And that one actually lived with me for a month before she moved...

    I speak from a perspective of significant experience. And I've seen dozens of people just like you who convinced themselves they were right and knew everything... a couple have been on the missing persons registry for decades... a couple have turned up dead... some ignored me, ran out and got pregnant then married... and divorced shortly after when they got so tired of each other it lead to domestic violence. In one of those cases it was a guy I knew well, and I know what happened the last 25 years, he spent 16 years of that handing over 1/2 his paycheck in child support plus paying alimony for 10 years of that before she found someone else...

    As much as you will try to convince everyone otherwise, we have all known people just like you who have been in the same situation as you are now... only we have all seen how they turn out. Some of us have been there too.

    I'm not saying don't have a relationship... I'm telling you be realistic and have one local to you you can take out to dinner or a movie... one where you don't spend your time dreaming up things about her that you can't prove is real.

    Abd no.. its NOT real love... You met her ones... and you slept with her... big deal... what does that prove? Nothing... People sleep with outher people every day for as many reasons as can be thought of and almost all of them have nothing to do with love. Its IMPOSSIBLE to "love" someone you have only spent a few days with ever... its impossible to actually love a pen pal, which is all she is... its also clear, you can't tell the difference between love, lust and as was mentioned infatuation. Because until you have had at least several REAL relationships (and an internet things is NOT a real relationship) then you lack the life expereince to see the difference, and at 17, with the raging hormone thing nobody your age has under control... its not possible for you to see the difference yet yourself.

    Just being honest here.. there isn't ANYONE who knows what they think they know at your age... I didn't, the other people answering didn't, and nobody else did either. That's why its called maturity and growing up. You are NOT all knowing the day you turn 18... in fact you aren't the day you turn 28 either, but you would have learned a LOT more than an 18 year old would know. I've been 18, I've been 28, 38 and 48, I haven't been 58 yet but I can tell you.. a smart person never stops learning as they get older.


    And incidentally as well too....I lived and worked in Europe for 6 years...and spend a month a year there every year the past 25 years...I've dated a lot of European women from a number of countries...even a couple East European ones...so I do have a firm grasp of the European way of thinking too... I'm married to one born and raised there. I dated her for 3 years before I really loved her...and yes I did have the lust and infatuation stages long before then, but I also had the common sense and experience to know that's what they were... I've dated over 20 women, none of those were one night stands...a few were looking for anyone to support them, most of them I liked less the longer I dated them...I slept with almost every one of them....and I do know you don't know what "real love" is at your age. You have no reference point as to what a good relationship is yet...even a bad one seems good at the time until you have actually had a few better ones to know the difference. You only get that through experience...and experience takes years to get. Assuming you don't screw up really bad before then.

    I also know some people just HAVE to learn their lessons the hard way....some take advice of others who have been through it before. You have to decide which one you will be. I'm going to sleep well either way...because I gave you useful advice if you wish to listen. If you don't and screw up your life, I sleep just as well because the world and restaurant owners need people to wash dishes and whatever other job they can find because they have an ungrateful wife (or husband) and kids at home that have to be fed, rent needing paid and other bills to pay. Because yes.. I know people just like that. I'm related to some as well as having been friends others them since childhood or even having met them more recently.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,591, Reputation: 2941
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    #11

    Oct 22, 2016, 04:27 PM
    Holy cow everybody, he wants to go for 5 days. He has the money. He wants to bring his little brother. (I doubt that his girlfriend'd parents wants 2 extra hungry mouths to feed for Christmas, but maybe.)

    Bottom line is that he is still dependent on his parents while he finishes school. They say he can't go.

    He knows all about love and just wants advice on getting his parents to allow this.
    He doesn't realize that no adult is going to give him advice about that because why would we? We are on the side of his parents.

    "You will be 18."
    "She will be 17."
    Why do teens love to edge into the next year before it arrives? When are your birthdays?
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,492, Reputation: 2853
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    #12

    Oct 22, 2016, 04:30 PM
    That's because we all know what can go wrong... I've traveled Europe ALONE as well more than once so I know all too well what can go wrong... because I've had some of it happen before, more than once...If I wasn't an experienced traveler a bad situation could have been insurmountable. His parent's probably have too.

    And I know for a fact the environment in Western Europe right now is NOT a rosey as it was 20 years ago...or even a decade ago...I was just there a few months ago...and had to stay super alert of everything going on around me because it was worse than it was even last year.

    Wishful thinking only opens you up to bad things by bad people.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855
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    #13

    Oct 23, 2016, 06:46 AM
    You want to convince your parents that this is a great idea? It's simple... get the parents to talk to each other.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #14

    Oct 23, 2016, 07:03 AM
    You are 17 and your brother is only 15. It may be quite possible your parents want you home with them for the Christmas holidays, not spending Christmas with virtual strangers.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,317, Reputation: 5972
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    #15

    Oct 23, 2016, 02:03 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Tien1888 View Post
    She will be 17, and yes she knows, we plan it already 2 months. I would stay at her house if her parents will be OK with it, I don't know if they are because we had first to know if MY parents will be OK with it.
    I first need my parents to give me the allowance and than she will ask her parents.
    If this is something both of you really want, then let your parents talk to her parents, make sure that her parents are okay with this. For me, as a mom, that would go a long way in me saying yes. But without me talking to the other parents, the answer would be NO!

    As a mom of two teens, a boy that's 18 a girl that's 14, I'd want to know the sleeping arrangements, I'd want to know that you both will be supervised, I want to know that while you're under their roof you'll be cared for, and that there's no chance you and a girl you barely know will let your hormones get the better of you and do something stupid.

    I'd want to talk to her parents a few times before the trip. I'd want to talk to her.

    I'd want you to raise the money for the trip and show that you're serious about this. I'd want you to ensure me that nothing sexual will go on with you and this girl. I'd want you to be mature enough to accept a no if I decide it's not a good idea.

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