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Silvermist · May 16, 2016, 03:58 AM

Im very confused at the moment about what to do. Im in a bit of trouble at school because of my attendance and not paying attention in class. My grades have dropped as well. My mum and I had to have a meeting with the principal, my year co oridinator and the guidance counselor. Im not sure what they were talking about as they made me wait outside for most of it until they called me in. They would like me to see the guidance counselor twice a week, I don't have to its my choice but if I refuse then they said I will have in school suspension for two weeks and after the suspension my year co-ordinator will walk me to every class to make sure I attend. I don't want that but I not sure about having to see the guidance counselor every week. Ive heard what the kids say about other kids who go to see the counselor fI don't know what to do? I really would just like to change schools but my mum said no I cant runaway from this. Ive never been to a counselor before so I just wanted to know if I took that option what I should exspect? I don't think either option is fair I feel they are just trying to embarrass me, I understand that I should be in trouble for skipping school but I think it's a bit extream walking me to class.

talaniman · May 16, 2016, 04:33 AM

This is a no brainer. You see the guidance counselor a few times a week, and you improve your grades and behavior. Open your mind and let the guidance counselor help you through this huge change you MUST make. Wasn't it the advice in your other thread to let an adult counsel you to the right path to follow? Take advantage of this OPPORTUNITY to have that adult to talk to.

That's what you can expect...talking out your problems and issues with a trained adult. It's all part of the healing process to get you on the right track.

This is your big chance to do the right thing for yourself.

Cat1864 · May 16, 2016, 05:07 AM

You need to see the counselor.

I have read your other thread, https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...op-824470.html . It is clear that you need to talk to someone who can help guide you through your grief and guilt and any other reasons why you are self-destructing.

They aren't trying to embarrass you. They are trying to help you.

Counselors help you learn to identify issues and ways to constructively deal with them. Usually there is a lot of talking, asking questions, listening, giving advice (a lot like we do here), etc. Some will have worksheets or exercises to help you identify what is causing your behaviors and how to handle them better than you have been.

I am going to suggest that you might talk to your mother about seeing a therapist outside of school. Perhaps, she and the principal can work out an agreement where you see a therapist who you might feel more comfortable visiting who can give updates to the school counselor as a viable third option IF you do not skip and your grades improve.

Other kids who say negative things about people getting help have their own issues to deal with and shouldn't concern you. This is about you and getting you the support and guidance you need.

If I can give you one piece of advice to help you through the rest of your life, it is this (and, yes, it is a bit cliché): You cannot control how other people feel and react. So, if you cannot control their emotions and behaviors, why allow them to control yours? Other people will affect your life and choices, but it is up to you to decide how and how much.

I hope you choose to heal with the help of those who want to see you healthier and happier.

Silvermist · May 16, 2016, 06:12 AM

I understand they are trying to help me I get that I just feel a little forced I don't really have a choice. I know it was a really stupid question to ask I just really wanted to know what going to a counselor involved. I don't really want to do this at school either I've already heard the stories about me my old friends already think I'm crazy. I like the idea about seeing a therepist outside of school but not sure how they would take that idea. I know this is probably a good thing as its what you all told me I needed before it just feels way to fast and I resent not really having a proper choice.

Wondergirl · May 16, 2016, 08:31 AM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

I understand they are trying to help me I get that I just feel a little forced I don't really have a choice. I know it was a really stupid question to ask I just really wanted to know what going to a counselor involved. I don't really want to do this at school either I've already heard the stories about me my old friends already think I'm crazy. I like the idea about seeing a therepist outside of school but not sure how they would take that idea. I know this is probably a good thing as its what you all told me I needed before it just feels way to fast and I resent not really having a proper choice.

You have already made a "choice" (but it wasn't "proper"). You chose to miss classes, not study so your grades fell, and didn't pay attention when you did go to class. Now come the consequences for your poor choices. No one is being unfair to you. You have been unfair to yourself. Like Cat1864 said, the adults in your life want the best for you and are doing their utmost to help you make good choices.

Silvermist · May 16, 2016, 03:00 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

You have already made a "choice" (but it wasn't "proper"). You chose to miss classes, not study so your grades fell, and didn't pay attention when you did go to class. Now come the consequences for your poor choices. No one is being unfair to you. You have been unfair to yourself. Like Cat1864 said, the adults in your life want the best for you and are doing their utmost to help you make good choices.

I realise I made poor choices regarding my behavior at school I am trying to let the teachers see I am making better choices now. I have been to every single class all last week and so far this week. I am trying to pay more attention in class but I cant help sometimes my mind wonders. I understand that there are consequences for my actions I am currently grounded at home for my behaviour that's fine. I understand that maybe people are just trying to help me make good choices but I can make my own choices. Why not just punish me like they would any other normal student, suspend me give me detention. Any option I choose is just going to bring attention from the other kids and I don't want that I just want to be unoticed. I do understan that it will be best for me to see a therepist like you all have suggested but i wasnt ready yet.

Silvermist · May 16, 2016, 03:23 PM

I don't want to just seem like I'm complaining about my punishment, like I am, I just was interested in knowing what others thought the better option was. Thank you for the advice

joypulv · May 16, 2016, 05:10 PM

I'm sorry that you see the options they are giving you as punishment, and that the punishment of detention would be preferable.
Talking to someone may feel 'punishing' I suppose... it isn't easy to let things out.
And from my experience, when the counselor says time's up and you have to go back out into the halls, that sometimes feels bad too.
That (to me) would be a good reason to see someone outside of school, just so you don't have to toughen up again after talking about feelings.

talaniman · May 16, 2016, 05:13 PM

I can understand your discomfort, and reluctance (And fear), but you will get through this. It's no different than a speech therapist many of us went through at school, or in your case a sort of detention for past missing classes. I wouldn't worry much about the rumor mills from the other kids though, which would be worse if you had to be escorted to class, don't you think?

I cannot stress to you enough though, the importance of ignoring your perceived reaction of the other kids. You are not going through this for them, it's for YOU to get on a good path to succeed. Another thing you are learning here is that you don't get to pick the terms of your consequences for past bad decisions you have made.

This is where you must accept those consequences and abide by the terms of it. All things considered, it works in your favor in the long run. The sooner you do, the sooner you can heal, and put this behind you and move to a better healthier place both for you and your mom... and that's a win/win proposition.

Silvermist · May 17, 2016, 07:41 AM

I don't think I will forget that my action have consquences and I have to except the consequences no matter what they are, but Its not very easy to just except them without trying to change them or making a fuss I'm trying to just listen to the advice you have all given me and see that it is in my best intersts to except the help,not punishment. I asked my mum if I could maybe see a therepist outside of school but apparently that's not an option the school will except. I put myself in this situation so I will just have to deal with it. Thanks for advice

smoothy · May 17, 2016, 07:53 AM

You are going to find that many times you WILL have to do what you are told, or what you have to do in the ways that are prescribed for you to do them.

Life really isn't fair and you rarely have any option to negotiate. Making a fuss will often times have dire consequences as well.

Get a job... be told to do a certain task in a certain manner and if you don't accept that it has to be done in a certain manner... or make a fuss about doing it in that manner or in that timeline.. you often times will find yourself without a job or any income in a big hurry.

And if you are fired for such reasons... you usually won't be able to collect unemployment benefits. No money means no food, no money means utilities don't get paid and get shut off, no money coming in means rent doesn't get paid and you get evicted and live on the street.

As you can see. The mature way to deal with things is accept what you have to do gracefully. It's not the first time you have had to do something you didn't want to do... and when you are an adult... you are going to find you have to do it a lot more often than you have.

So you see... even in this... there is a lesson to be learned that goes well beyond the current events.

catonsville · May 17, 2016, 10:43 AM

You have a golden opportunity to get back on track and that includes you being able to accept the consequences for your actions. If you think that going to a councilors office a few time is the end of the world, sister you have no idea what life has in store for you.. If no one cared about you, you would not be given this opportunity.

Silvermist · May 18, 2016, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by smoothy

Life really isn't fair and you rarely have any option to negotiate. Making a fuss will often times have dire consequences as well..

This I already have exsperienced and will forever be in my head. I have chosen to see the guidance counselor, I know it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal and its probably not its probably just my fears making it seem so daunting. My first appointment will be tomorrow. I just wanted to ask a couple of questions that are troubling me.
My mum said what ever we talk about is confidential and the counselor cannot tell anyone else, is this true?
Mum mentioned that its important for me to be open and honest during my counseling but I am worried that some things I might say will make the counselor think I'm disturbed. Is it important to tell them everything?
I know this is my best option and the right choice to make but I don't feel very good about it.

Wondergirl · May 18, 2016, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

This I already have exsperienced and will forever be in my head. I have chosen to see the guidance counselor, I know it really doesn't seem like that big of a deal and its probably not its probably just my fears making it seem so daunting. My first appointment will be tomorrow. I just wanted to ask a couple of questions that are troubling me.
My mum said what ever we talk about is confidential and the counselor cannot tell anyone else, is this true?
Mum mentioned that its important for me to be open and honest during my counseling but I am worried that some things I might say will make the counselor think I'm disturbed. Is it important to tell them everything?
I know this is my best option and the right choice to make but I don't feel very good about it.

I'm a counselor, and yes, whatever you say is confidential unless you indicate you want to hurt yourself or someone else. The school counselor has heard everything, and I do mean EVERYthing. Your being open and honest will help the counselor immensely. Counseling -- figuring out ways to help a client -- is like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. You can't do it if the client is hiding some of the pieces.

Silvermist · May 18, 2016, 05:35 PM

So its important to be honest. If I told them any of the things you said wouldn't be confidential would they tell my mum.

Wondergirl · May 18, 2016, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

So its important to be honest. If I told them any of the things you said wouldn't be confidential would they tell my mum.

Would those things be wanting to harm yourself or someone else? Yourself, like cutting?

Silvermist · May 18, 2016, 06:07 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

Would those things be wanting to harm yourself or someone else? Yourself, like cutting?

If it was would the counselor have to let my mum know

Wondergirl · May 18, 2016, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

If it was would the counselor have to let my mum know

I'm thinking no. Harming yourself usually refers to suicide, and the counselor would first talk with you about it, to find out if you have a plan. And would warn you if he/she has to talk with your mum.

Silvermist · May 18, 2016, 06:13 PM

Ok thanks

Alty · May 18, 2016, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by Silvermist

I understand they are trying to help me I get that I just feel a little forced I don't really have a choice. I know it was a really stupid question to ask I just really wanted to know what going to a counselor involved. I don't really want to do this at school either I've already heard the stories about me my old friends already think I'm crazy. I like the idea about seeing a therepist outside of school but not sure how they would take that idea. I know this is probably a good thing as its what you all told me I needed before it just feels way to fast and I resent not really having a proper choice.

Talk to your mom about wanting to see a therapist outside of school, have her set it up, and then have her talk to the school about it.

The school only wants to help, not only with what you're going through after losing your dad 3 months ago, but also with your education. They don't have the option to force you or your mom to put you in therapy to help with the issues you're having. They're doing the only thing they can do, doing their best to help you. It may feel forced but it's being done because they care about your well being and your education.

If you get into therapy outside of school, and start going to school and stop skipping, and doing your best, then problem solved.

But you have to be proactive, and take the steps you need to take to change what you've done in the past. You have to show them that you're not the same person you have been for the last 3 months, that you're getting better and that you're more clear about what you need to do.