[superstar18]

I know you guys are right and I do keep telling myself things will get better. My mind tells me one thing and my heart says the other. He is self employed he doesn't like having a boss control him I guess. But yes I do want to get married someday and have a family. I just feel like I won't find anybody. I'm a hopeless romantic and I feel like I won't be able to find that kind of person like me. We both have talked about having a break but I see no point in breaks at all you might as well just dump them.

[DoulaLC]

Set a time limit in your own mind and see how things go. People can change, if they truly want to. He may or may not make the changes you are looking for. It may be that you are now finding out what you want and don't want in a long term, committed relationship... dating helps you learn those things, but sometimes you have to take your emotions out of it a bit to see it.

If you decide that you are just in two different places, want different things, etc. then it would be time to mutually end the relationship so that both of you can go on to meet other people who will be better suited. Certainly it's hard for a relationship to end, but obviously it is sometimes necessary.

If this doesn't work out how you would like, then rest assured you will meet other people. You will know when you have met someone who ticks most of the boxes for you; you won't have to wonder if they would make a good partner, or wish that they would change major parts of their personality, etc.

I wish you well!

[superstar18]

Thank you DoulaLC yeah I should probably wait a while and see if things do get better and if nothing changes then it probably would be best to break up. If we both really love each other then we will try and make it work. We have to make sacrifices for one another. Also is there any advice that you all can give me for cheap or even free dates?

[CravenMorhead]

I know you guys are right and I do keep telling myself things will get better. My mind tells me one thing and my heart says the other. He is self employed he doesn't like having a boss control him I guess. But yes I do want to get married someday and have a family. I just feel like I won't find anybody. I'm a hopeless romantic and I feel like I won't be able to find that kind of person like me. We both have talked about having a break but I see no point in breaks at all you might as well just dump them.

You hit upon three good points.

1). Rational VS Emotional mind. While it is good to believe that love conquers all and you'll have all your fairy tale ending, the harsh reality is quite the opposite. You need to have your rational mind balance out the emotional and trust in it. It will hurt the heart but that pain is always tranistory.

2). "It is better to be in a emotionally stunted and non-functional relationship then alone." This is instinct and emotions talking and it is utter garbage. You will find someone else, after you properly grieve the relationship. There are so many different services and sties that allow you to find someone you will like, regardless of the old fashioned ways of meeting people. There are people out there that are probably a better match for you. You just need the strength to realize that there is something better out there and the possibility of being alone and discovering yourself and another relationship is much more rewarding then staying where you are.

3). It is better to just end a relationship then take a break. I have not found a relationship that survived much after a break. When you take a break you're essentially saying that this relationship isn't working and as such both need to recenter themselves and give it another shot. In which, since you have history, you both will fall into the same routine and things will not have changed and it is a year that you've been suffering in the relationship.

In the end it is up to you what you do. Take some serious time to think about this. Embrace the unknown and do what you need to do.

[J_9]

He is self employed he doesn't like having a boss control him I guess.

Big red flag here. This statement says that he is lazy and will never find gainful employment because he will have to punch a time clock.

I really don't see a future, or HAPPY future, in this relationship. You will forever be the one doing all the work to keep the relationship alive and, after a while, that will drain you of all of your energy.

If if you are a hopeless romantic you are young enough to find someone of the same mindset who will share your passion for life.

[talaniman]

If I were you, I would not expect him to change, nor push very hard by asking and nagging for him to change. Just do your own thing, and make yourself happy, and if he follows suit fine, you will have something to build on, and develop maybe. If he doesn't have a clue, is selfish, or has no interest, or willingness to do his part, then the "relationship dies a natural death", and you have a life that you enjoy to fall back on without all that emotional baggage you are packing away because of his actions, behavior, and attitudes.

Rather than be dependent on him to be happy, as you do now, break that dependence and follow your own path and if he cannot keep up then sadly you leave him behind. Sitting around in misery watching him enjoy doing his thing without you is NOT a caring and sharing relationship, so stop allowing it, by taking control and responsibility for your own life, and happiness.

Build your life that you enjoy on YOUR actions, not the FALSE HOPE he will make you happy.

[catonsville]

Well said and right on.

[smoothy]

He is self employed he doesn't like having a boss control him I guess. But yes I do want to get married someday and have a family.

I agree.. MAJOR red flag there. With that attitude there are very few ways a self employed person is going to make it much less be a success.

Why? Because of having one boss, who's expectations of you are clear... every client you have is now a boss and many of them have very unrealistic expectations... want to pay for a Kia, Rio, but expect a Rolls Royce... and some will drag you to court because they didn't get it.

My advice... run far, run fast. You can do better. He's self absorbed in more ways than one.

[superstar18]

You hit upon three good points.

1). Rational VS Emotional mind. While it is good to believe that love conquers all and you'll have all your fairy tale ending, the harsh reality is quite the opposite. You need to have your rational mind balance out the emotional and trust in it. It will hurt the heart but that pain is always tranistory.

2). "It is better to be in a emotionally stunted and non-functional relationship then alone." This is instinct and emotions talking and it is utter garbage. You will find someone else, after you properly grieve the relationship. There are so many different services and sties that allow you to find someone you will like, regardless of the old fashioned ways of meeting people. There are people out there that are probably a better match for you. You just need the strength to realize that there is something better out there and the possibility of being alone and discovering yourself and another relationship is much more rewarding then staying where you are.

3). It is better to just end a relationship then take a break. I have not found a relationship that survived much after a break. When you take a break you're essentially saying that this relationship isn't working and as such both need to recenter themselves and give it another shot. In which, since you have history, you both will fall into the same routine and things will not have changed and it is a year that you've been suffering in the relationship.

In the end it is up to you what you do. Take some serious time to think about this. Embrace the unknown and do what you need to do.

Yeah that's what I meant by I rather not take a break. I would rather just end it than having a break. I know I'm going to take some time to figure everything out. I'm hoping for the best but I'm expecting the worse. I haven't even seen him that much at all I have been really busy with work so I'm trying to keep my mind off things. I know I can't avoid this forever and one way or another something is going to have to change.