[Thinkaboutit]

Do you think that you should tell your parents everything? Are there something's,that's its all right to keep from them? I'm confused should you tell everything even if it will make them get mad? Should you always ask them for permission to do things?

[Homegirl 50]

What are you doing that you're not wanting to tell your parents?
Generally when a kid doesn't want to tell the parent something it is because they know the parents are not going to like it.
Is this about this boy you're dating who wants to have sex?

[Thinkaboutit]

No just thinking about everything and wondered if I had of talked to me da if things would be different. Now thinking there are things I keep from him not because I'm not aloud to do them but I worry how he would react so feel its better to,say nothing at all but then I think am I just going to,cause more problems by not telling him. Feeling confused and over all the drama between me and me da. No it's not really about me boyfriend. I just feel like I keep a lot from me da and after everything that's happened I'm confused weather it's the right thing to talk to him more or just not if that makes sense .

[J_9]

Open lines of communication are very important. It doesn't matter if it's between children and their parents or between couples in a relationship.

Parents are are there to teach you right foprom wrong and teach you how to make responsible decisions in life. If you don't have an open line of communication, you will be left wandering and wondering if what you are doing is right or wrong.

[J_9]

Should you tell your parents everything? No, but there is a fine line between what tou should tell them and what you shouldn't.

The he problem here is that you have already ruined the trust your father originally gave you. Then you compounded it by continuing to be disobedient.

The questions you ask can be answered differently dependent on the actions of the child. In your case, you have to be transparent. You are in desperate need to earn back the trust of your father. Therefore, you can't keep anything from him, and you shouldn't have to if you aren't doing anything bad.

[Thinkaboutit]

I guess there are things I haven't told me da about and I feel like I want to talk to him but if I do Im unsure how he will react. It will probably just cause more problems.

I haven't told ma da about dating I should have told him I suppose I probably should have even asked. I didn't want to because I think he would not have said yes. But now things are getting complicated and I think I should have told him but if I do now then who knows what he will be like. I really hate not living with me ma makes it so hard, I don't want to hide things from me da but he's not the easiest person to talk to especially about boys. He's so judgemental no understanding I suppose everything I've put them through make him always,think the worse.

[Wondergirl]

Are you still seeing the counselor?

[Thinkaboutit]

Therefore, you can't keep anything from him, and you shouldn't have to if you aren't doing anything bad.[/QUOTE]
I don't think I'm doing anything bad! I just haven't told him about certain things because of how he will react. I love being with me boyfriend I know he wouldn't want me to, so I didn't tell him. I don't think having a boyfriend is wrong. I haven't told him I quit one of me jobs because he would be mad but I needed the time for studying. It's complicated I guess I'm just making it more harder for myself.

I don't want things to be this way so I should just be honest with him about everything or will this just make things worse. It's not really a big deal I think I'm just thinking too much he won't find out guess I'm just feeling a little guilty

Are you still seeing the counselor?

Yes I am still seeing a counsellor

[J_9]

I guess there are things I haven't told me da about and I feel like I want to talk to him but if I do Im unsure how he will react. It will probably just cause more problems.

I haven't told ma da about dating I should have told him I suppose I probably should have even asked. I didn't want to because I think he would not have said yes. But now things are getting complicated and I think I should have told him but if I do now then who knows what he will be like. I really hate not living with me ma makes it so hard, I don't want to hide things from me da but he's not the easiest person to talk to especially about boys. He's so judgemental no understanding I suppose everything I've put them through make him always,think the worse.

Yes, you should have asked tour Dad about dating. Now you have yet another secret to hide. Another reason to be in trouble. Another reason for him to be mad at you.

If you asked your father about dating and he said no, you abide by his wishes.

You ou say your Dad is judgmental, but haven't you given him reason to be? I bet he wouldn't be like that if you weren't so difficult and defiant.

You ou are going to have a very hard life ahead of you and, truthfully, I feel so sorry for you. Your father is trying to raise you to be a responsible person, but you defy him every chance you get. At this point, I don't see a very happy future for you. Harsh, yes, but honest. You are going to live a very hard life unless you start following the rules exactly as set forth b

I think I'm just thinking too much he won't find out


Yes I am still seeing a counsellor

And what will happen when he does find out? You know he will, he always does. He isn't as stupid as you think he is.

[Wondergirl]

Have you talked about this with the counselor?

[Thinkaboutit]

Your right I know I have given me da every reason to be judgmental. I just don't want him to be that way forever. If I didn't do the things I did then he wouldn't have a problem with me dating, and I know I should have asked I just know he will make his decision based on the past and I feel that's not fair I'm not that same person. But I guess I'm not showing I've changed much by not being completely honest with him.

If he finds out I know I'll be in trouble. So much trouble makes me cry just thinking about how messed up it is. God I am so stupid I just keep making stupid choices

Have you talked about this with the counselor?

No I guess I only just started thinking about it recently.

[J_9]

You say you aren't the same person, but you haven't done anything to prove that. Guess what. You ARE the same person. You are still lying and still going behind his back. While you may not be getting into the same kind of trouble, your behavior hasn't changed.

You are making change, but not enough to be trusted. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, you are lucky you have him as a father. If you were my child I would be driving you to school, sitting next to you, and never let you out if my sight. You don't deserve trust because you haven't earned it.

[Thinkaboutit]

It's hard to hear that because I feel like I have changed but I guess me da sees it the same way you do so maybe I haven't. I would like to be able to tell me da things but worry about how he would react but then that's me fault for what I've done. I've created this whole situation and I don't know how to get out of it with out everything blowing up in me face

[J_9]

If you changed, why are you still lying and going behind his back? If you HAD changed you would be working on having him trust you again, but you aren't. It doesn't matter if you are lying about drugs, lying about a boyfriend, or lying about the last time you pooped. The fact that you are still lying proves you haven't changed a bit. you haven't changed.

How ow do you get out of this? You break up with the boyfriend nod you do everything that is asked of you without arguing. It's not going to be easy, and it can take a long time. But it's all up to you.

Personally, I think you like the drama and you enjoy making your father mad, because if you were really as miserable as you make yourself out to be, you would be doing more to make your life less stressful. Don't blame this on your dad, it is all your fault and, until you change your behavior, you deserve everything you get.

Heck, you aren't even my child but you are giving ME gray hair!

[smoothy]

People judge others every day all the time... everyone does it... its never going to change.

The people complaining about being judged ALWAYS seem to be doing the very things they should NOT be doing and yet think everyone should approve of them.

Fact is... Actions have consequences, you are going to be judged by others every day until the day you die... and you will even be judged after your death.

You can't avoid it... but you can minimize it by doing the right thing... and behaving as you should. Or you suffer the consequences for them.

If you think you have it hard now as a teen, just wait... the world is very unforgiving and without mercy to adults who behave the wrong way.

This is one of the Key things your father is TRYING his best to teach you. That you apparently don't really want to learn. And you are rapidly running out of time.

[Thinkaboutit]

I don't like drama between me and me da. Things have been going really well we get along I do as he asks I don't argue. What more could I do. I'm not lying I haven't told him any lies I just have not told him everything. He's never asked me if I have a boyfriend and I've never told him I have. I've just been thinking lots after me boyfriend wanting to have sex and everything else I feel guilty, like this isn't the right way to be doing things and I don't want things to get bad. I don't want me da to go off at me.

[Alty]

Big decisions should always be discussed with your parents. Sex, school issues, boyfriends, friends, parties, drinking, drugs, those sorts of things. If it can have a negative consequence, you should tell your parents about it.

I know it's hard to tell your parents everything. There are things that we, as parents, won't like. When we get mad it's because we love you, we don't want you hurt, and it hurts us that you're thinking of doing something, or have done something, that can put you in danger. It makes us made that you're not smart enough to keep yourself safe. But that's part of being a teen. It's why teens aren't allowed to make big decisions, because they're not mature enough, or smart enough, to know the consequences and make wise decisions.

[Thinkaboutit]

That's really hard to talk to me da about everything. He doesn't know I have a boyfriend and he won't find out anyway unless I tell him. I don't want to break up with me boyfriend I love him.

What more am I suppose to do for me da to give me a chance. I take the stupid medication which I hate, I go to counselling, I babysit for them I do me chores and help without being asked. I go to work and even give me da money to help out. Me grades have really improved I'm getting a's now and without me boyfriend tutoring I wouldn't even have achieved that. It's frustrating to think that even though I've done everything he wanted me to if I ask him if I can date I know he'd say no, so I don't ask and date but I can see that that just might now make things worse.

[ScottGem]

Your parents need to know anything that will, potentially, affect your health and safety.

Other than that you can use your judgment.

[writer1hal]

If you love your father then based on the past situation (as you mentioned in this post), you should NOT be hiding anything from . You know why? Because he is your father and he means no harm to you and is more responsible than you are. You are at the age where having a boyfriend who appears to support you in your life sounds responsible enough but it is clearly not. You may not know how things will turn out between you and your boyfriend in the time ahead. You can make your life good by the decisions you make and here you can make one bright decision if you tell your father about the boy you are dating.

Secondly, if you believe that your father will never get about your relationship with him then again, it is uncertain. Not telling him the truth just because of the fear or doubt of his reaction, is a poor thought. If you really care about yourself, your father and your future then being a good daughter will be the beginning to be a good human being. If you really want to earn his trust then first become trustworthy. In the present scenario, you are not worth a trust because you ARE lying to your father.

Okay, so you are saying that you are improving. Well, are you sure?

Listen dear, life has many challenges ahead and it is in your hand to turn those challenges into opportunities. Good luck!