[shine74]

My Husband had an affair with a very close friend of mine, over a year ago. I found out about it 10 months ago and it has been a tuff struggle. I have chosen to forgive and we have been working hard at fixing our relationship. We have been married for 15 years and we have 3 kids together. This so call good friend of mine has been in our lives for over 7years, she was very close. I told her everything and shared everything with her and so did she. Then the moment she was going through a divorce she went after my husband. I didn't know at the time, that we were having problems. He wasn't communicating with me that I was pushing him away and our lives just became routine with no communication. So he wanted to leave me but didn't know how, then she became his shoulder to cry on, then they began their affair while I was at work. It was short lived because she tried too hard to get him, saying stuff like he can move in with her, that my kids already love her so it shouldn't be a problem, and I can do all the things sexually that your wife isn't doing to you. She started to plan a life with him. He got scared and also realized what he was doing and he put an end to it. She kept trying some more but he cut all ties with her and devoted himself to me again. I found out about it 4 months after it was over. And confronted her about it. I chose to stay with my husband and cast her aside. We have been working real hard on it and he has proven to me over and over again that he loves me and is real regretful on his actions. Now I have been trying to trust him again but I am having some difficulties.

And now it's hurting my relationship with my sister as well because I don't trust any women around my husband. My sister has been nothing but sweet to me and helpful and kind but lately I have started to feel like there is something going on between them two. She comes over while I am at work and visits with him, and she calls all the time and just little eye glances that I catch here and there. I don't know, am I being paranoid or what. If anyone I should trust is my own sister. Now she is feeling betrayed and insulted that I can even think she could do this to me. I don't know what to do anymore. This is very hard for me. I shouldn't be blaming her for all this.

How to I begin to trust again. The thing that hurt me most I believe is my so call friends betrayal. She was always there for me before and we told each other everything and we were so close and during the affair she would council me into leaving my husband as he was being a jerk to me kind of thing and our sexual life was none existent. So to me we were just going through a ruff time. But now I know what was really going on. Since then I don't believe anything anyone ever tells me, I don't share any information not even to my parents. I can't trust no one. How can I begin to trust again? Can anyone help me?

[BlakeCory]

It's not your responsibility to restore trust to the relationship. You have done an amazing job of overcoming your fears. You have been allowing him the opportunity to build trust, and that is the hardest part. Now he must be the one to draw boundries in his life, with your sister and anyone else he encounters.

Don't be afraid to communicate your feelings to your sister. She should be sensitive enough to understand. Time is not enough to heal emotional wounds, it also takes hard work.

[ggmagoo]

I agree with Blakecory, it is your husbands responsibility to restore the trust back in your relationship. I hope he understands and respects that this will not happen over night. Im sorry to say it going to take a long time to rebuild that trust.You will question everything and anything he does. Like Blakecory said it is going to take work. I do not think that it is irrational for you to fear every women that comes next to him even your sister. Have a heart to heart with her I think she would understand. Tell you husband it really makes you uncomfortable and reuqest that he ask your sister to respect the new boundries until the both of you heal from this. It seems like you guys are making a serious effort to heal from this, I think counseling would help as well. It would help to rebuild those communication skills.

[talaniman]

A quiet talk with your sister, and filling her in would probably help her to understand your feelings, and give you an outlet to a lot of pent up emotions and fears. You cannot just isolate yourself, and have no friends at all to talk, to even though I understand the betrayal that's still fresh in your heart. You need a friend, one you can trust, or a counselor.