[Thinkaboutit]

Me boyfriend and I have been dating for a while he's a nice guy love him heaps. Things have been getting really serious lately and he wants to have sex I'm a bit worried I love him but I've never had sex before, me friends at school say it hurts the first time, does it hurt? I'm not really sure I'm ready but I don't want him to think I don't care about him either. Then I worry a out getting pregnant, I'm not on any contraception don't think me da would be to happy if I ask him. Can you go to a doctors without your parents? Me friends say it gets better the more you have sex is that true?

[Homegirl 50]

If you are not ready for motherhood (and you're not) you are not ready for sex. If he is not willing to except that you're not and not ask anymore, he is not as nice as you think.
Having sex with this guy does not prove you care about him, him making you feel that way shows he does not care for you.
You are just getting things better with your father, you don't need to be having sex. Stay away from the "serious" stuff with this guy. You two are not ready for sex.

[Wondergirl]

I'm with Homegirl on this. Don't get sucked into having sex at your age. Yes, it will probably hurt and yes, you could get pregnant. Avoid spending time with him in dark, quiet places where you two are alone. There are lots of ways you can show him he's special. Sex shouldn't be one of those ways. And once you've given away your virginity, you can't get it back. Someday you'll meet someone and wish you would have waited.

Please say no to having sex.

[Fr_Chuck]

Love does not equal sex. In fact real love means they will not try to pressure you into sex but will be happy to wait.
If he keeps pressure for sex, he does not really love you.

Next the issue of pain for the first time, is not really a issue, it can or it may not,

The issue is sexual disease and pregnancy.
No birth control is 100 percent, condoms have a 3 to 18 percent chance of failure.
Depending on your age, you may or may not see a doctor without parent permission, but then who is going to pay for it all.

[J_9]

Oi Vey! I saw this coming from a mile away.

You are nowhere NEAR ready for sex. Not today, tomorrow, next week, or next month.

Would this his happen to be the same boy whose sister asked you to hide her drugs for you?

If if he cares about you at all he will respect that you are not ready for this HUGE step in your life. Sex carries enormous responsibilities, such as pregnancy and motherhood. There is no form of birth control that is 100% effective. As a matter of fact, one of my patients, right now, is in labor. Guess what. She was on the depo shot and hadn't gotten her period for 3 years. Guess what else. She STILL got pregnant!

Sex does not equal love.

[talaniman]

Is this the same boyfriend from previous threads, you know with the sister who is your friend?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...er-821664.html

A good decision at this point in life is obviously to say NO to sex because you are not ready. I know you have intense feeling and are curious about it, and that's NORMAL for any teen, but you lack important facts, both about him, and the act of sex, and the consequences of doing it.

The last thing you need is more complications in your life from more bad impulsive decisions. Yes it hurts but getting pregnant will hurt more, and last for a lifetime. Get facts, and not just from people your own age, who probably are no more educated than you are. Just better at hiding dumb stupid behavior from their parents.

You better think this important decision through before you jump into something that WILL adversely affect your life now, and forever!

Just curious how you handled the "friend" whose STUFF you were holding for her?

[writer1hal]

Hello,
Everyone here is spot on correct.

Sex is not just any 'thing' to make your partner feel special. Especially, if you are not ready for it. If he is really forcing you physically or mentally to have it, then it is a strong indication to leave him.

Do not lose yourself to make someone feel special.

As everybody already mentioned, no birth control is 100% effective. With unwanted pregnancy, there will come many critical and unexpected issues that you are not prepared for.

Takeaways: Don't have sex with him.

Life is precious, spend time in making yourself and your surrounding nicer.

[Thinkaboutit]

Yes this is the same boy, I ended up telling me boyfriend about the stuff I was holding for his sister he wasn't happy with me but he said he understood he took the stuff and I haven't really asked him anymore about it, he was not happy I didn't speak with him about it and told me I should never put myself in that position for anyone else even his sister.

He's not pressuring me into it we've just spoken about it, I told him I wasn't sure and he was understanding. It's just the girls at school talk about it all the time so I just thought it was kind of normal thing to do next. I have really strong feelings for him when we are making out so I am curious. I mean how long do you wait for in a relationship before you have sex? Will he just wait until I'm ready, I kind of feel like he won't wait around forever. I know there is risk of getting pregnant but I mean it can't be that high righ there are heaps of girls at school who have sex and I've never heard of any of them getting pregnant. Do you think if I spoke with me da he would listen or would he just get all angry and yell at me scared! Wish I lived with me ma she would have been easier to talk too

Everyone says I'm not ready for sex well how do you know when your ready then?

[CravenMorhead]

Me boyfriend and I have been dating for a while he's a nice guy love him heaps. Things have been getting really serious lately and he wants to have sex I'm a bit worried I love him but I've never had sex before, me friends at school say it hurts the first time, does it hurt? I'm not really sure I'm ready but I don't want him to think I don't care about him either. Then I worry a out getting pregnant, I'm not on any contraception don't think me da would be to happy if I ask him. Can you go to a doctors without your parents? Me friends say it gets better the more you have sex is that true?

How's counseling going? Are you still on your ADHD drugs? You've brought up the birth control question before, can I assume that you haven't talked to your father at this point? If my counting is correct you should be 17 at this point, turned in November last year. I think that is old enough to get a private appointment with your doctor. If your father or step mother ask, just say "girl stuff". There is an expectation of privacy at your age. Paying for them is another problem you'll have to figure out.

If you are this concerned about sex then say no. It is easy. Maybe give him some pot and he'll forget about it, he's still the stoner boyfriend right or is this a different fellow? I honestly don't think you're ready. I don't see any progress in you being a better you over the last two years of posts. I think this would add more into the mix that you're not prepared for. To answer your questions as asked:
1). The first time can hurt if your hymen is still intact, it could also not hurt if it has been broken already. It is hard to say case to case. There might be a little blood. The basic truth is your first time is going to suck. It does for anyone's first time. Given time it will get better
2). You can go to a doctor without your parents but paying for it or getting insurance to cover it is another problem. It wouldn't be hard in Canada here, but more difficult in the US.
3). Sex does get better the more you have it. It is like a sport, the more you do it the better at it to get. You learn your body, what it likes, what works and what doesn't.

Being with a fellow DOESN'T give the expectation of sex. It is a mutual decision made by both consenting parties. You need to talk to him and let him know your concerns. You need to know what will happen if you do get pregnant. It is fun, but it is a loaded weapon that will change your life. I don't think you're ready for this consider what we've seen here.

[J_9]

Yes this is the same boy, I ended up telling me boyfriend about the stuff I was holding for his sister he wasn't happy with me but he said he understood he took the stuff and I haven't really asked him anymore about it, he was not happy I didn't speak with him about it and told me I should never put myself in that position for anyone else even his sister.

He's not pressuring me into it we've just spoken about it, I told him I wasn't sure and he was understanding. It's just the girls at school talk about it all the time so I just thought it was kind of normal thing to do next. I have really strong feelings for him when we are making out so I am curious. I mean how long do you wait for in a relationship before you have sex? Will he just wait until I'm ready, I kind of feel like he won't wait around forever. I know there is risk of getting pregnant but I mean it can't be that high righ there are heaps of girls at school who have sex and I've never heard of any of them getting pregnant. Do you think if I spoke with me da he would listen or would he just get all angry and yell at me scared! Wish I lived with me ma she would have been easier to talk too

Everyone says I'm not ready for sex well how do you know when your ready then?

The girls at school talk about it. They are girls. They are teens.

Do you remember what my job is? In case you forgot, I deliver babies. I know quite a bit more than those girls do.

1). Does the first time hurt? For most girls it does. It's also uncomfortable, confusing,uncoordinated. Not really fun at all.

2). Everyone has strong feelings when they are making out. That's your hormones invading your brain.

3). How long do you wait? You wait until you know you are physically, emotionally, and financially ready to be a mother. It sounds hard, but it's really that simple.

4). The risk of pregnancy can't be that high? Actually it is, especially without birth control. Birth control reduces the risk, but doesn't eliminate it. The girls at school are just lucky they haven't gotten pregnant yet. But they will, in time.

Having sex when you aren't ready to be a mother is exactly the same as playing Russian Roulette when you aren't ready to die.

If your dad finds out you had sex, or want birth control to have sex, he will go ballistic on you given all of your issues.

If this boy won't wait forever, then he isn't worth your time. A man who loves you unconditionally will wait an eternity until you are ready.

[Homegirl 50]

As an add on, pregnancy is not your only concern. There is sexually transmitted diseases. (STD)
This does not sound like the kind of guy you want to be having sex with. Sex is not a recreational sport. It is not something you do because everyone else is doing it.

[talaniman]

Teenagers are nothing but hormones, and that goes for what they say as well as what they do so NEVER follow their example about anything. Rely on your own common sense and I have to add here, better than you have before with other issues you have gone through so far.

Did it ever occur to you that having sex and getting PREGNANT is something your dad will soon find out about? If you know he will hit the roof about sex, or birth control, imagine telling him you are pregnant and yes you WILL have to tell him!

You do have to tell the guy he will have to wait, and ask him what he will do if you do get pregnant? He probably won't wait forever, nor can you expect to be together forever either, pregnant or not! And whatever he says the TRUTH is most young guys don't stay with their pregnant young females and that great love you both profess changes to resentment and hate, AND the FACT is once he pops your cherry a few times, the lust and hormones fade away to NOTHING at your ages.

Having sex is easy, and getting pregnant is even easier, so your dumb girl friends are just talking crap whether they know it or NOT. You should already be experienced in the consequences of following your feelings down a wrong path, and this is another test of your feelings getting in the way of good thoughtful decisions and the only thing normal about teens, both boys and girls is they are often WRONG, and make many mistakes as they grow up.

Having sex and getting pregnant is the wrong way for teens to express and experience LOVE.

[Thinkaboutit]

To answer your questions counselling is going good sorting me stuff out hard but feels better to let go. Yes I am still taking me medication not a big fan of it but everyone says they can see a change in me behaviour at school. No I haven't spoke to me da about it am a little scared of what his reaction would be now I'm glad I never he probably wouldn't have been happy. And no it's not the same guy as before that smoked weed, this guy is different.

So basically if I'm not ready to be a mum I shouldn't have sex! The chances of me getting pregnant are high especially if I don't have contraception, which apparently I can go to the doctors myself and get as long as I can pay for it. It's just hard not to think about having sex with him I do like him a lot maybe we could just try something else you can't get pregnant from oral sex right. God embarrassing maybe I should have just asked the girls about this everyone here already thinks I'm mental.

[smoothy]

Also consider most guys will lie to get in your pants... most guys will not stick around the moment you get pregnant... leaving you alone to deal with it... many parents will put you out at 18 as well because they might have to support YOU until you are 18 (most places) but in no place I am aware of are they required to pay for or raise your kids.

Few young guys are willing to get serious with a female with a kid because they don't want a ready made family. And trust me... they can ignore that to get in your pants... but they will draw the line at anything more serious (in their eyes)...

Its going to be a lot of years before the average guy might be willing to accept someone else's kid... and good luch collecting child support from the child's father...

Essentially impossible until they are legal adults... and if they refuse to get a job... hard to collect even then. And even small kids are VERY, VERY expensive.

Like everyone said... it happens... and it happens quite frequently. If you don't know someone its happened to... wait, you will soon enough.

I'm speaking as a guy... I dated a couple single moms as a 20 something... but I had no intentions of anything long term with them at the time either. Something I am fairly sure they weren't aware of and I failed to tell them.

And I am far from the worst guy out there... I actually cared enough to avoid being so blunt with them. Put what's that old saying... 6 of one, half dozen of the other... in the end its still the same thing.

Also consider the average HPV infection rate among young active people in your age group is as high as 24%. That can cause Cervical cancer at worst... at best seriously unsightly warts or patches of them, and there is no known cure.

Then there are the other STD's that can kill you. And if you think you can tell who might be the likely ones to have something... think again. There is no "Type" people from al walks of life and all social classes can and do have and pass along to others before they usually find out themselves.

So there are things Besides just a baby that will be with your for life...

Trust me... I know guys. I know what guys want... I remember VIVIDLY being your age... and I'm not afraid to tell you what they really think. Trust me they won't want to. Almost everythng they say or do... is somehow or some way gear towards getting them closer to what they want... laid.

And they would sleep with an ugly women if one let them. For a guy that age... love has NOTHING to do with it. Its separate things in even in an older guys mind... Just that older guys (past 30) see that there are more important things than just getting laid, instead of the other way around.

And its not even universally true with older guys...many WILL tell the same lies to get the very same thing even well past 30.

And being married doesn't even stop it...or you would not see infidelity rates as high as you do.

[DoulaLC]

I've also worked with pregnant teens, a number who found theirself homeless after becoming pregnant, and I can assure you that a large number of them have said that they would wait on having sex until they were older if they could do it all over again... regardless of how much they talk about it now.

More often than not, they are no longer with the boy that they first had sex with. If he truly cares about you, and wants to stay with you, he will wait as long as it takes.

By not having sex while this young, you don't have to worry about getting in trouble with a parent, the risk of pregnancy that will change some of your plans, the risk of a STD that has the potential to cause you continued problems in the future, being in a position where you will find it much more difficult to finish school, find a good job, work without having to be on the dole, finding yourself trying to raise a child on your own (because odds are a boyfriend won't stay around long)... you get the idea.

There is no good reason to have sex at this stage in your life. Best for you and your boyfriend to avoid letting yourselves get in situations where you are tempted. Know where the boundaries are that will make it easier for you to avoid temptation.

The girls at school run all of those risks... you won't have to give any of those concerns a second thought.

[CravenMorhead]

To answer your questions counselling is going good sorting me stuff out hard but feels better to let go. Yes I am still taking me medication not a big fan of it but everyone says they can see a change in me behaviour at school. No I haven't spoke to me da about it am a little scared of what his reaction would be now I'm glad I never he probably wouldn't have been happy. And no it's not the same guy as before that smoked weed, this guy is different.

Oh good.

So basically if I'm not ready to be a mum I shouldn't have sex! The chances of me getting pregnant are high especially if I don't have contraception, which apparently I can go to the doctors myself and get as long as I can pay for it. It's just hard not to think about having sex with him I do like him a lot maybe we could just try something else you can't get pregnant from oral sex right. God embarrassing maybe I should have just asked the girls about this everyone here already thinks I'm mental.

That is pretty much it. This is an adult game and if you can't deal with the outcomes you shouldn't play.

You can play not penetrative games, but will you just stick with those? The "Moment", as in getting caught up in it, will break down barriers, if you don't have preparation or plans then stuff will happen that will be good, but the consequences could be hard. It is how pregnancies occur. Be smart about it. See your doctor and get contraceptives. Take EVERYTHING he says to heart. Talk with your boyfriend about what happens if you do get pregnant. Are you guys going to finish school? Get married. Is he going to disappear, what will your Dad say? Your Aunt?

It is really something you can't approach lightly since it has life changing/creating possibilities.

[Thinkaboutit]

Oh god talk about scare the hell out of me. Thanks for the advice definitely didn't think about things like that. Guess your right not worth the risk all the complications it would cause and I'm definitely not ready to have a child already made enough mistakes in me life already. Will have to talk to me boyfriend not looking forward to that conversation. I really like the guy don't want him to break up with me over it. But thinking about everything you all said maybe I should not even worry about having a boyfriend for a long time.

[smoothy]

I'm just being completely honest... and I didn't exaggerate anything. It really is like that. No need to stretch any truth at all. As was mentioned...If he really does care about you..he'll still be there in 5 years if you haven't married each other before then.

I'm guessing he'll be gone within weeks if not months of being told NO....and incidentally....serious making out is just one of the tricks he will use to get what he wants. And what leads up to many teenage pregnancies. TO a young person not in control of their hormones yet....its not unlike being drunk....you do things you would not do otherwise with a calm mind.

If you understood American Baseball....its the equivalent to getting to third base...waiting for the chance to steal home plate.

[Precious7]

What more can I Write? Every one has given you a correct answers. Take care of yourself first. One thing at a time. As you grow there will be lots of opportunity to know about sex. No to sex for now, if you aren't ready if something happens like pregnancy or std, who knows. Be safe. :)

[Alty]

Will he just wait until I'm ready, I kind of feel like he won't wait around forever.

Think about it. If he won't wait for you because you won't have sex with him, then he definitely won't stick around if you get pregnant.

If he really loves you, he'll wait. He'll wait until your wedding night if that's what you want. If he loves you then he's with you because of who you are, not what you give him.

Yes, the first time hurts, and so does child birth, and so does raising a child on your own as a teenager because the guy that loves you so much, didn't stick around.

You're not ready for this. If you were ready, you wouldn't have to ask anyone if you're ready.