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Charmed24 · Mar 20, 2016, 09:12 AM

First of all, it isn't because I am socially anxious or stressed about hanging out with them. I just sometimes want to have a day to myself. I enjoy writing and sometimes I just want to stay home and work on that. But I can't tell them that because they won't understand. Also, they all just kind of annoy me. When we go out I often end up driving us everywhere and they don't give me gas money. Or they don't have money so I have to buy them food. They swear they'll pay me back but never do. I am fine with them during school, we hang out there and are just fine. I just can't stand it when every single day their like "Wanna hang out?" And when I finally give in and stop making excuses and have a sleepover or something, the next day they'll as if I want to hang out again. I used to hang out with them all the time but now I just don't feel like it. I just want to be home with family and hang out with them, and work on my writing, or watch a movie, just stay off social media for a while. But if I don't answer their texts they have a spaz attack at me. I just cannot keep making up excuses I don't know what to do about this. Also if it helps, I'm in grade 12 and am 17. I have a boyfriend who is the only person that isn't my family who I like hanging out with. Its not like I spend all of my time with him that I don't have time for my friends. I see him once or twice a week since we do not go to the same school. But I go to the same school as all of my friends.

Wondergirl · Mar 20, 2016, 09:19 AM

So let them have spaz attacks. Stick to your guns. Say no and stop letting them use you!

Oliver2011 · Mar 20, 2016, 09:34 AM

Set your boundaries. Along with reserving time for the things you want to do they should also include not paying for everything. If you set your boundaries then you will see the ones that are truly your friends. The others that fall out weren’t worth wasting time over anyway. Plus after you graduate high school (assuming USA) then people go their separate ways anyway. Some will go to college, others to new jobs and new adventures.

Alty · Mar 20, 2016, 04:56 PM

First of all, it isn't because I am socially anxious or stressed about hanging out with them. I just sometimes want to have a day to myself. I enjoy writing and sometimes I just want to stay home and work on that. But I can't tell them that because they won't understand.

Real friends will understand.

Also, they all just kind of annoy me. When we go out I often end up driving us everywhere and they don't give me gas money. Or they don't have money so I have to buy them food

You can say no. If you don't say no, that's your problem, not theirs. If you don't ask for gas money, that's your fault. If you pay for their food, that's your choice. You have choices here, you're just not making them!

If they're your real friends you can tell them that you're all partied out, that you just want to spend some time at home, be with your family, work on your writing, watch a move, or whatever. If they pester you to go out, just say no. No excuses, just say no. Say that you want a night to yourself. You don't have to make excuses for that! If they can't accept it, they're not your friends, and frankly from what you've posted, you don't even really like them, so why do you care what they think?

Friends make you feel whole, they make you feel good, they're people you choose to have in your life, and people that will understand if you don't feel like going out or socializing. You don't even like to hang out with them, but you call them your friends. It sounds like you only hang out with them to stay popular, so they'll like you. That's on you, not them. You have to learn to choose what you'll accept in your life, and if it means losing their friendship because you stood your ground and decided to do what you want to do, well then, so what? It's not like you like them that much anyway. Read your post. It sounds like you can't stand them, but you still call them your friends. That's on you, not them. Time to be who you want to be, and stop thinking about what other people want.

Alty · Mar 20, 2016, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So let them have spaz attacks. Stick to your guns. Say no and stop letting them use you!

I don't think they're using her at all. I think she's using them. They just want to be her friend, and they want to hang out. She doesn't want them in her life at all, doesn't even seem to like them. She does whatever they ask because she wants to be popular, doesn't want to lose them. She's using them. That's how I see it.

She could say no. She could refuse to get in her car, waste her gas and pick them up. But she doesn't. Why? Not because they talk her into it, but because she's too scared to say no to them and stick to her guns. She could refuse to buy the food they order when they don't have money to pay for it. Does she? No. She pays. Why? Because she wants to be in their group.

Are they using her? Sure they are. But she's letting herself be used, because she's also using them, using them to stay in the group and be popular.

She needs to decide what's more important, the friendship of these friends that she doesn't even like, with the popularity she obviously wants, or allowing herself to be who she truly wants to be, doing what she really wants to do.

Homegirl 50 · Mar 20, 2016, 05:16 PM

I don't think it's weird but you need to learn to say no. You don't want to hang out with them because you feel taken advantage of. They are only doing what you allow them to do.

Alty · Mar 20, 2016, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I don't think it's weird but you need to learn to say no. You don't want to hang out with them because you feel taken advantage of. They are only doing what you allow them to do.

Exactly! And if you allow people to treat you like crap, you can't complain that they treat you like crap.

talaniman · Mar 21, 2016, 03:44 AM

I totally agree with the other posters and can only ask why you feel so obligated to ALWAYS oblige these "friends", but NEVER yourself?

Why do I hate hanging out with my friends?

Because you feel used, and are afraid to say no. Why is that?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 21, 2016, 04:44 AM

It is a issue, that if they are really your friends, you do not have to lie, you are honest. If you can not be honest and they understand, they are not really your friends

CravenMorhead · Mar 21, 2016, 07:33 AM

You answered your own question and, as was said above, you're afraid to say no because of the repercussions of such an answer to your group of friends. I think that you do want to be around and hang out with your friends, but you're saturated with all the interactions you've had up to this point. I think you need to take a break to recover your mental facilities somewhat. Which is to say that you need to say no, set boundaries, park your car, leave your wallet at home, and just enjoy yourself when you go out with your friends. Eliminate what stressers you have with the group of friends when you hang out with them

The point to remember is that you are not obligated to hang out with them.

writer1hal · Mar 22, 2016, 05:28 AM

So you love writing and don't want to hang out with people who don't understand you. Okay, fair enough. There are people with whom one might not want to spend time with and here they are your 'friends'. But don't pretend. If they don't get you or your interests, that is okay. You cannot expect people to understand just because you want to. As you also don't seem to understand their interests. So learn to say no but kindly. There is no point in making excuses. Just say no. And keep writing! I am a writer too and I do get how you don't want to leave writing even for awhile. It is fine. Just make sure that you don't hurt their feelings by lying to them or pretending and enjoy your time with your family and the people you want to. About the spaz attacks, let them. You are not bind with any rules to do something you don't want to.

At the end, I would say don't go out with 'friends' just for the sake of saving your friendship. Tell them the actual reason on why you don't want to come, if they don't revere it then they are not the real ones. Don't judge yourself on the opinions of others. Lastly, keep writing! :)

Charmed24 · Mar 29, 2016, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by Alty

I don't think they're using her at all. I think she's using them. They just want to be her friend, and they want to hang out. She doesn't want them in her life at all, doesn't even seem to like them. She does whatever they ask because she wants to be popular, doesn't want to lose them. She's using them. That's how I see it.

She could say no. She could refuse to get in her car, waste her gas and pick them up. But she doesn't. Why? Not because they talk her into it, but because she's too scared to say no to them and stick to her guns. She could refuse to buy the food they order when they don't have money to pay for it. Does she? No. She pays. Why? Because she wants to be in their group.

Are they using her? Sure they are. But she's letting herself be used, because she's also using them, using them to stay in the group and be popular.

She needs to decide what's more important, the friendship of these friends that she doesn't even like, with the popularity she obviously wants, or allowing herself to be who she truly wants to be, doing what she really wants to do.

I don't hang out with them to be popular. They aren't even considered that popular. I used to have the best times with them however this year I have been so stressed. The reason I asked this is because I feel like something is wrong with me. I don't know why I want to be alone all of the time. And the reason I can't say no is because I feel bad, I really don't want to hurt their feelings. Also each time they say they will pay me back but never do so I just end up paying. Anyway I just want to know what has gone wrong with me.

talaniman · Mar 29, 2016, 08:58 PM

I think you are going through a TRANSITION, when the old routines, and habits are not enough any more, and as you become more aware of the adjustments you want to make, you won't be so out of sorts with yourself.

You've been through these GROWING PAINS before, and will again. They can last for a few years, and come at different stages in life. The good news is you will figure it out as you go. Some take longer than others.

No hurry! There is nothing wrong with you, just your perspective of your world is changing.